kyburg: (bad mommy)
We're ending the third week with our start with kid's new school, and the last two days he's gotten 'carded' for talking in class. We think. Nobody has sent home a nasty gram, nobody has called us, nobody has complained.

He's just gotten two color dots on his calendar that aren't green. Okay, we talked to him about it, and last night he got to sit and write "I will not talk in class" fifty times. (Yes, he's six, in kindergarten and he can do that. Very well, actually.) Today, I have no idea. I don't expect a complete turnaround, not with his history.

I have a chatterbox for a boy. Ask anyone - boys aren't verbal. Well, mine is. Bite me.

*sighs* I just wish I knew what was driving it. Instead of jumping out of his seat, he's popping off with his mouth. My little cockatrice, half lion and half strutting rooster. You *will* notice me. Twerphead.

The lunches are what's getting me, though. School has contracted with a third-party, ChoiceLunch and yes, you pick your lunch from about 20 choices every day - the hot entrees change, but the balance is sandwiches (and sushi!) and every day there is macaroni and cheese, if that floats your boat.

So far, the pizza is the biggest hit. He's actually eating better to boot and if he's being challenged to eat stuff out of his comfort zone, he's got fair warning and knows about it ahead of time...and made the choice himself. Win-win.

Before and aftercare is done in a room that is as close to a living room (complete with comfy comfy couch and television) as I could ask for - and it's always warm. Everyplace else has been cold in the mornings, but that room is heated and comfortable...lovely.

I like using the term 'modest' to describe it, which implies it's more conservative (parochial school, hello) - it's uniformed (no jeans, unless you pay a bump on Friday) and nothing but polo shirts, solid-colored polo shirts, all week long. Oh, and a white one on Wednesday, that's chapel day. To the good, his vanity is being stroked big time - he's getting to wear a BELT and tuck his shirt in and oh my doesn't he look nice? Has to have his hair combed just so, don't you know.

I think he's enjoying this - but the car conversations now include talk about dying (about a year or so ahead of schedule, drat), and we're re-sorting our vacation time out to accommodate when they will be closed (there's a week in August between the end of 'summer camp' and the start of the Fall semester, for example). There's a field trip to go see 'The Lorax' next week. And the homework is done for the week in one night.

He's falling asleep easily at night, sleeps the night through. Does not like getting up in the morning, but you can't have everything.

For the rest? It's profanity, and Mom taught me not to use language like that.
kyburg: (Going DUCK)
Kid's school issues? Because the old school *required* us to come in for a conference during my working hours, and *because* they required me to remove my kid from their school less than a week later (with NO effort on their part as agreed in that conference, that's one of many reasons why I fired them) - I've then had to take more time away from work to deal with testing, etc.

The running total of how much it's cost us? See icon above.

Literally, it's more than the tuition was for January.

I should be grateful. If this had come down last summer, it would have cost me my job. No, no really. Because I changed jobs and the new gig starts later - I can swing the late starts and working from home for old gig - temporarily. All of this, very temporary. I am grateful. People are understanding. To a point.

Oh, they want him to stay, so bad. They've got a guest teacher from Japan in his classroom right now and she adores Xander. And if I don't miss my guess, he's got a crush on her. It's very cute.

But things are disappearing from his backpack (not big things, not things he's missing overmuch), every teaching tool is a photocopy and he's the only Asian kid in the class.

If it's racist to notice race, I'm racist. Put that aside and let's consider something. Old nasty school was VERY Asian...one of their pros on the list. When I think back on the harping we got on how we weren't strict enough with him...and the fact we were one of the few Anglo parent pairs I knew of (I think I saw one other and they were Jewish)...I can put that on the back burner and let it simmer, maybe even forget it. All I can think of it the discussion about 'why wouldn't he want to please us MORE if?' that went on in that conference. Race was never discussed, you can't - that's against the law to discriminate, yanno - but I have to wonder. We're not Asian parents.

New school has Asian kids. Public school is nearly 100% Latino, and in his class right now he's the only one of him there is. He's come home talking about race since he started there - they notice. (Positive, but. It's a change.) Everything is in English and Spanish - that's not bad by itself, but it's noticeable. I'm really not up for another completely new language by immersion for kid - he's already done one, right? At this point, it's more for the parents - and if the kids are speaking Spanish so he doesn't know what they're saying about him? This is not learning the language anymore, is it?

And all I have to do is remember what George Takei said about being the only Asian he knew growing up. And how many kids came forward with that when Star Trek conventions came around - having other people like you around? It matters. A lot. It's not something I use as a hard-and-fast criteria, this is why we're doing THIS vs. THAT for that reason...but I ignore it at my peril, my privilege would make it easy to blow this one. I never had the experience of being the only one of me in my classes at school - EVERYONE looked like me. (You were Catholic? You were WEIRD.)

We're always going to have that one extra cog working, versus the other kids. Trying like hell not to make it noticeable or weigh it too heavily, but it's there.

@#$%! It's not like money is growing on trees around here. Why yes, I'd love to do this or that? What? Oh. Sorry. Can't.

That...is said a lot around here, and that's often the reason. The good news is that now I'm pass my probation - and sick time is available again. Three more months and I can use vacation time too.

Let's just hope I don't run out of either for stupid ass reasons like this again.
kyburg: (it's on)
Kid went to school this morning.

I got a call half an hour into the teaching day telling me to remove my child. AT ONCE.

Jim lost the day after losing the morning to replacing tires (you remember the tires), turning around to pick him up, go home and dig up the necessary documents and then going to over to the home public school to enroll him.

Didn't make it in time to keep him there today, but he did get introduced to his new class. Jim took the paperwork home to complete it and answering the questions just about broke him.

You see, children are to be in school, no matter if they live in a home or a cardboard box and the forms ask you about it.

I've moved up the placement testing for new school, but kid can get a taste of public school for the next few days and I can get an idea from a fresh set of eyes of what really this is all about.

Kid hated school. I think it's as simple as that. He had no motivation to comply and bucked authority at every opportunity. They, on the other hand, have no motivation to try to do anything with him and threw him out. Such is the prerogative of a private school.

But I've had enough - so much for the rosy image of a cute little school with cute little classes and sweet, adoring teachers. BAH.

For my next trick, I try to explain what happened to him. Yeah. Six years old and they don't want you anymore. THAT is going to be a fucking walk in the park.

Very fast.

Jan. 19th, 2012 04:45 pm
kyburg: (Default)
Guess who's a single parent until Monday?

Me!

How is it happening? Jim's been tapped to be on the collective bargaining committee (probably as an alternate) for the union at work - and needs to be schooled/trained, so he's in San Jose in digs we both know very well from Fanime. Um, he had lunch in the karaoke room today.

He's already there, having flown up this morning - and I insisted he take Xander to school and give a proper goodbye to reassure him he would be back, when and so forth.

To be blunt, I haven't gotten so many text messages in six months and we text a LOT over the course of a day about day-to-day what are we gonna do stuffs. We...haven't been separated much in ten years - I think this will be the longest we've been apart in a decade, easy.

He is absolutely giddy. And having a grand old time.

Kid and I? Gonna miss him like whoa. And not looking forward to bereft little boy who is having an acute Lack of Dadda.

Keep me in your thoughts - because in five minutes, my race home to get him from school, homework, feed and put to bed in one piece?

Begins.

Three days he's on travel. One at work after that.

Here we go.
kyburg: (Mommy me)
When you kid finally comes clean and tells you 'I'm scared you're going to throw me out' - you've got something to work with.

Grateful as hell I have the presence of mind these days to recognize this as a developmental milestone and not an insult. (That? That was my mother.) Then the fact this has been scaring him for weeks sinks in and it breaks me all over again.

Dammit, I was right. I just botched the approach.

But now that we know, there's hope to recover the situation - again.
kyburg: (facepalm)
It's Wednesday? Right. Three days in a row I've had to field phone call after phone call after making calls that don't get returned - all because kid's school? Just. Can't. COPE! Omg.

There's a conference on Friday. And I have said, very clearly in small words to them - there will be little improvement overnight, if any. Whatever you see, jump on it because this kid hasn't gotten a positive word since last week...if then. He's on as much restriction as I can put him on. We have both sat on him as hard as we possibly can.

I do not know why he is being so difficult for you. I really don't.

Looking up other school options - AGAIN - and really, just plain fed up at this point.
kyburg: (bad mommy)
So, back to school at lunchtime today to confront kid so out of control the school is discussing expulsion again.

We'll see if the Wrath of Mom has any effect - discussion or talking to or threatening or loss of privileges hasn't had much effect yet.

Rascal. Well, if he 'wants' to act out in class, I guess he 'wants' some consequences. Let's see if he makes the connection or not.

Or he just ends up in public school entirely and we go from there. He was just in the therapist's office last Friday - and still, nobody is talking medication or any other intervention so that's not the answer.

But I still suspect there's something peer-related going on, but this stuff has to stop first before anything else can be addressed. Honestly.

Speshial.
kyburg: (bad mommy)
This morning, I had to be one of Those Moms. You know, the ones who act like their kid is Speshial Speshial OMG?

Well, I swallowed what little self-respect I have left and talked to the director of the school this morning when I dropped Xander off. Yesterday, he got sent to the office for throwing pencils in class - clarifying it this morning, it would appear it occurred at naptime. Okay.

One, he lost *all* privileges last night after school, and while I was out until 9 PM dealing with the religious social club (that's another post entirely), Jim got to deal with a bratty, bratty kid who got his homework done, fed and put to bed.

When I got home, I tucked him in and noted he was sleeping light - roused when I got there and ducked under the covers. Uh oh. Sure enough, he was awake at 2 AM this morning and nearly pushed us both out of our bed getting into it with us. And this morning, trying to get What Happened Yesterday out of him? The red flag went up - you know the one.

This is when I get down to his level and look him in the eye. My kid? Defaults to the sweetest kid you ever met - his first reaction is always kind, altruistic and thoughtful. He will throw things mainly to do 1) get your attention by being a rascally kid and it's play or 2) he's mad about something you said or did and he's getting even.

"My teacher said she wished I would go home and stay there."

OH.

So he got the company line - one, you don't throw anything at anybody. But two? If you are problems at school, you come tell me. I'm the final word, baby. Believe it.

So I went in and talked to the director this morning. I don't know what happened, I wasn't there. Could he have substituted the teacher for another kid? Sure! Could the whole thing be inference? You bet. But I also said - my kid is different. He doesn't match his parents, he's smaller than a lot of the kids he likes hanging out with -

One of Those Mommies.

But you know what I noticed the most? When I sat there and talked to my kid, I started using difference language - not the black and white you use with preschoolers, no this went into the gray areas of 'I know you're not telling me something and now we both know it' world of 'what do I tell whom, and who do I trust with it?' He's going to find that I won't tolerate lies and more so, won't tolerate 'I don't know' as an answer. You were there. You know what happened.

Yes, he does. And the fact I told him I had his back registered. I had a completely different conversation after that.

Looking at the calendar? Yup, he's seven more than six months early and that magical age of Reason is fast approaching. Magical in that this is when he acquires the ability to discern right and wrong, consequences beyond the next five minutes and a sense of his mortality and place in the world. It's also when a lot of adoptees really get slapped in the face with the sheer loss they've had - the transition is a fact, but really getting your head around the loss inherent, the fact you are different in a way only other adoptees are? Not looking forward to that part.

He's so smart. Platitudes probably won't last thirty seconds.

*SIGH* Love that kid. But you can't love away the adoption, and even I'm not stupid enough to try.

In the meantime, I'm glad it's throwing pencils - it's not throwing fists, cursing and fighting. It's the little things.
kyburg: (Default)
Someone call the Maury Show! Seriously? One reason of many I believe everyone has a basic right to know their origins. Period. I mean - it shouldn't be a privilege granted only to 'normal' people, and however your family configuration shakes out can't be a consideration.

Everyone comes into the world the same way. Fer the love of mud, document it all the same way. Honestly.




I had three whole days to find an hour to unpack the dolls out of storage. I didn't do it. Again. Throw things.

Nah.

I didn't get any more books read, or watched any more television - or took in any concerts or conventions - but we did get a look at a karate dojo we think will be a good fit for kid, so that's something, right?

Sunday, attempted snubs were attempted at church (oh please) - and I ended up with all of the communion elements when someone else took it upon themselves to go around leadership council and bring in the elements themselves. Well, okay. Jim turned the bread into bread pudding Monday night and it was delish. So there.

(Really. Lost a parent at 6, a spouse at 37, three house fires, three burglaries and I'm supposed to get angry NOW? *checks* Nope.)

I *did* install a startup config file on my Sims 2 game that will allow me to combine households above the 8 Sims per lot limit. My first attempt? Resulted in a lot with 13 Sims on it, with more on the way. Oh dear ghads, I love a challenge. Now let's see if the game will run long enough for me to play this lot....

Ran the iPod out of power often. Slept as much as I could. Cleaned house like a mad mad thing. We reap the rewards of our work the rest of this week, such as it is.

Kid is being tasked with napping at school this week. I see a trip by me to re-teach sleeping away from home this week - stay tuned.
kyburg: (Default)
Someone call the Maury Show! Seriously? One reason of many I believe everyone has a basic right to know their origins. Period. I mean - it shouldn't be a privilege granted only to 'normal' people, and however your family configuration shakes out can't be a consideration.

Everyone comes into the world the same way. Fer the love of mud, document it all the same way. Honestly.




I had three whole days to find an hour to unpack the dolls out of storage. I didn't do it. Again. Throw things.

Nah.

I didn't get any more books read, or watched any more television - or took in any concerts or conventions - but we did get a look at a karate dojo we think will be a good fit for kid, so that's something, right?

Sunday, attempted snubs were attempted at church (oh please) - and I ended up with all of the communion elements when someone else took it upon themselves to go around leadership council and bring in the elements themselves. Well, okay. Jim turned the bread into bread pudding Monday night and it was delish. So there.

(Really. Lost a parent at 6, a spouse at 37, three house fires, three burglaries and I'm supposed to get angry NOW? *checks* Nope.)

I *did* install a startup config file on my Sims 2 game that will allow me to combine households above the 8 Sims per lot limit. My first attempt? Resulted in a lot with 13 Sims on it, with more on the way. Oh dear ghads, I love a challenge. Now let's see if the game will run long enough for me to play this lot....

Ran the iPod out of power often. Slept as much as I could. Cleaned house like a mad mad thing. We reap the rewards of our work the rest of this week, such as it is.

Kid is being tasked with napping at school this week. I see a trip by me to re-teach sleeping away from home this week - stay tuned.
kyburg: (Default)
Someone call the Maury Show! Seriously? One reason of many I believe everyone has a basic right to know their origins. Period. I mean - it shouldn't be a privilege granted only to 'normal' people, and however your family configuration shakes out can't be a consideration.

Everyone comes into the world the same way. Fer the love of mud, document it all the same way. Honestly.




I had three whole days to find an hour to unpack the dolls out of storage. I didn't do it. Again. Throw things.

Nah.

I didn't get any more books read, or watched any more television - or took in any concerts or conventions - but we did get a look at a karate dojo we think will be a good fit for kid, so that's something, right?

Sunday, attempted snubs were attempted at church (oh please) - and I ended up with all of the communion elements when someone else took it upon themselves to go around leadership council and bring in the elements themselves. Well, okay. Jim turned the bread into bread pudding Monday night and it was delish. So there.

(Really. Lost a parent at 6, a spouse at 37, three house fires, three burglaries and I'm supposed to get angry NOW? *checks* Nope.)

I *did* install a startup config file on my Sims 2 game that will allow me to combine households above the 8 Sims per lot limit. My first attempt? Resulted in a lot with 13 Sims on it, with more on the way. Oh dear ghads, I love a challenge. Now let's see if the game will run long enough for me to play this lot....

Ran the iPod out of power often. Slept as much as I could. Cleaned house like a mad mad thing. We reap the rewards of our work the rest of this week, such as it is.

Kid is being tasked with napping at school this week. I see a trip by me to re-teach sleeping away from home this week - stay tuned.

Kid news -

Aug. 30th, 2011 10:03 am
kyburg: (smug)
First day with new teacher, new session? Well, he flunked naptime but that's all I got.

Yes, we need to step back up with the homework. It's Fall, surprise. No more summer school field trip nonsense, it's time for SCHOOL.

*ahem*

My kid ate it up.

He then came home, ate four pieces of pizza, sprawled across me in happy abandon and only gave me a moment's worry at bedtime and slept all night.

We actually overslept the alarm clock this morning. That NEVER happens and stop laughing.

So far. So good. So much better.

Kid news -

Aug. 30th, 2011 10:03 am
kyburg: (smug)
First day with new teacher, new session? Well, he flunked naptime but that's all I got.

Yes, we need to step back up with the homework. It's Fall, surprise. No more summer school field trip nonsense, it's time for SCHOOL.

*ahem*

My kid ate it up.

He then came home, ate four pieces of pizza, sprawled across me in happy abandon and only gave me a moment's worry at bedtime and slept all night.

We actually overslept the alarm clock this morning. That NEVER happens and stop laughing.

So far. So good. So much better.

Kid news -

Aug. 30th, 2011 10:03 am
kyburg: (smug)
First day with new teacher, new session? Well, he flunked naptime but that's all I got.

Yes, we need to step back up with the homework. It's Fall, surprise. No more summer school field trip nonsense, it's time for SCHOOL.

*ahem*

My kid ate it up.

He then came home, ate four pieces of pizza, sprawled across me in happy abandon and only gave me a moment's worry at bedtime and slept all night.

We actually overslept the alarm clock this morning. That NEVER happens and stop laughing.

So far. So good. So much better.

I wish -

Aug. 9th, 2011 02:17 pm
kyburg: (don't wanna)
I wish I had hated that school. Took kid in this AM to do a 'ride-along' (Jim will be there all day with him) at the Montessori school down in RPV, right on the ocean and OMG can you smell the money-ville.

Right now, I'm glad I don't have to commit to it. Because it was awesome. It's also more expensive, further away from home - will force a work schedule change, putting me home even later than I get there now and putting our work schedules even further out of sync than they are now. More expensive. In every way.

But damn, he did well. And I could see the wheels turning in that little head.

I also had to do the hated 'talking about me while I can hear you' stuff with teachers - about the adoption, about how smart I think he is...all those things, and I know he hates it. Well. Sorry.

But if they show us the door later this week - and this place will accept him - there are worse things. Not cheaper things, worse things.

I just wish I didn't have to think in those terms. Yanno?

He's so much better this week. If this is a teacher issue and not a school issue - well, bother it won't matter much. Current school only has one classroom per grade, a teacher issue IS a school issue.

I just wonder what the 'better' parent thing is. Better school fit and only sees me rested on the weekends - or the make it work fit and more present parent time?

Dither bother bah.

I wish -

Aug. 9th, 2011 02:17 pm
kyburg: (don't wanna)
I wish I had hated that school. Took kid in this AM to do a 'ride-along' (Jim will be there all day with him) at the Montessori school down in RPV, right on the ocean and OMG can you smell the money-ville.

Right now, I'm glad I don't have to commit to it. Because it was awesome. It's also more expensive, further away from home - will force a work schedule change, putting me home even later than I get there now and putting our work schedules even further out of sync than they are now. More expensive. In every way.

But damn, he did well. And I could see the wheels turning in that little head.

I also had to do the hated 'talking about me while I can hear you' stuff with teachers - about the adoption, about how smart I think he is...all those things, and I know he hates it. Well. Sorry.

But if they show us the door later this week - and this place will accept him - there are worse things. Not cheaper things, worse things.

I just wish I didn't have to think in those terms. Yanno?

He's so much better this week. If this is a teacher issue and not a school issue - well, bother it won't matter much. Current school only has one classroom per grade, a teacher issue IS a school issue.

I just wonder what the 'better' parent thing is. Better school fit and only sees me rested on the weekends - or the make it work fit and more present parent time?

Dither bother bah.

I wish -

Aug. 9th, 2011 02:17 pm
kyburg: (don't wanna)
I wish I had hated that school. Took kid in this AM to do a 'ride-along' (Jim will be there all day with him) at the Montessori school down in RPV, right on the ocean and OMG can you smell the money-ville.

Right now, I'm glad I don't have to commit to it. Because it was awesome. It's also more expensive, further away from home - will force a work schedule change, putting me home even later than I get there now and putting our work schedules even further out of sync than they are now. More expensive. In every way.

But damn, he did well. And I could see the wheels turning in that little head.

I also had to do the hated 'talking about me while I can hear you' stuff with teachers - about the adoption, about how smart I think he is...all those things, and I know he hates it. Well. Sorry.

But if they show us the door later this week - and this place will accept him - there are worse things. Not cheaper things, worse things.

I just wish I didn't have to think in those terms. Yanno?

He's so much better this week. If this is a teacher issue and not a school issue - well, bother it won't matter much. Current school only has one classroom per grade, a teacher issue IS a school issue.

I just wonder what the 'better' parent thing is. Better school fit and only sees me rested on the weekends - or the make it work fit and more present parent time?

Dither bother bah.

Buh.

Aug. 2nd, 2011 09:08 am
kyburg: (shocker)
Okay. Two things happened yesterday.

One, school got a letter from therapist (at my urging) outlining kid being seen in a therapeutic environment, meeting criteria for separation anxiety.

Two, his teacher is on vacation and he has a substitute.

So...that means at the end of the day, the substitute decides kid is going on field trip tomorrow to go bumper bowling with the rest of his class.

Phone call, everything. They called both of us until they reached one of us. (Me? On phone dealing with appointments. Go figure.)

Jim already had the day off to take him to the new school to check them - so that had to be rescheduled, but. He's going along on field trip - he just can't ride the bus with kid to do it. I'm fine with that.

So - in one fell swoop, I have kid back on field trips and parent allowed to attend and observe. Note things one and two.

I've told Jim I want answers. Too good. Waaaay too easy, with the month and a half we've put in.

If this is a teacher issue, not a school issue - end result is the same, but I'm going to be even less impressed.

But - I hope kid has a great time. He's earned it.

Me? Waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Buh.

Aug. 2nd, 2011 09:08 am
kyburg: (shocker)
Okay. Two things happened yesterday.

One, school got a letter from therapist (at my urging) outlining kid being seen in a therapeutic environment, meeting criteria for separation anxiety.

Two, his teacher is on vacation and he has a substitute.

So...that means at the end of the day, the substitute decides kid is going on field trip tomorrow to go bumper bowling with the rest of his class.

Phone call, everything. They called both of us until they reached one of us. (Me? On phone dealing with appointments. Go figure.)

Jim already had the day off to take him to the new school to check them - so that had to be rescheduled, but. He's going along on field trip - he just can't ride the bus with kid to do it. I'm fine with that.

So - in one fell swoop, I have kid back on field trips and parent allowed to attend and observe. Note things one and two.

I've told Jim I want answers. Too good. Waaaay too easy, with the month and a half we've put in.

If this is a teacher issue, not a school issue - end result is the same, but I'm going to be even less impressed.

But - I hope kid has a great time. He's earned it.

Me? Waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Buh.

Aug. 2nd, 2011 09:08 am
kyburg: (shocker)
Okay. Two things happened yesterday.

One, school got a letter from therapist (at my urging) outlining kid being seen in a therapeutic environment, meeting criteria for separation anxiety.

Two, his teacher is on vacation and he has a substitute.

So...that means at the end of the day, the substitute decides kid is going on field trip tomorrow to go bumper bowling with the rest of his class.

Phone call, everything. They called both of us until they reached one of us. (Me? On phone dealing with appointments. Go figure.)

Jim already had the day off to take him to the new school to check them - so that had to be rescheduled, but. He's going along on field trip - he just can't ride the bus with kid to do it. I'm fine with that.

So - in one fell swoop, I have kid back on field trips and parent allowed to attend and observe. Note things one and two.

I've told Jim I want answers. Too good. Waaaay too easy, with the month and a half we've put in.

If this is a teacher issue, not a school issue - end result is the same, but I'm going to be even less impressed.

But - I hope kid has a great time. He's earned it.

Me? Waiting for the other shoe to fall.

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