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*sniff*
Still sick. But better, and will go back to work tomorrow.
I've said this, I'm sure of it - stop me if you've heard this one before.
I don't think anyone under the age of oh, 21/22 or so? Should try to have a kid by themselves. No, seriously.
I haven't met a 19-year-old yet I thought was prime parent material, me included.
When is a good time? Hmmm. Get all the school you want out of the way, first. Get a good handle on the kind of job you want to have (and if that means parenting children, that's honest) and make sure you can back it up with the kind of education you need (see former, capiche?)...and be in a stable relationship if you're making the kid yourself. Don't waffle or mince on the last statement. You want optimal, there's your mix.
Oh, and if you're not fabulous by 30, don't kill yourself.
I really think it's only fair you get to be a teenager as long as you're allowed. Make all the mistakes you can reasonably account for yourself, and learn from them - FIRST - before you drag someone else along for the ride.
And when girls start menarche at 11 these days, that's a lot of years you have to be aware of your fertility and managing it. At a time when you're least educated about just about everything.
I am a firm supporter of contraception, and believe that nobody gets pregnant with the express intention of having an abortion - so if you tell me you need one, I believe you need one. It's that simple.
We clear on this?
Please. Don't tell me you think you can care for a baby when you're not even old enough to sign contracts as a legal adult. Not in this world. Oh, and you're already living on your own, independent and all that? No? Children get taken care of by their parents. Not their parents being 'taken care of' by their children, if you get my drift. If - my respect means anything. You asked.
If anything in my adoption journey has taught me, it's that there isn't a shortage of children being born - and frankly, the adoption agencies that advertise "PREGNANT? WANNA SELL YOUR KID?" right next to the "ADOPTIVE PARENTS APPLY HERE" banner make me ill, but that appears to be the typical domestic adoption scenario. I can't blame anyone who doesn't think of that first - but think about it seriously, if you're single, unemployed and under 22. Okay? There are more types of adoption situations than the "traditional" kind - believe me, I've done the research. There's no 'giving up' in adoption these days, not unless you want to.
This is someone who waited - with good reason. It can be done, and you'll have a hard time convincing me it was a mistake.
If you want to toss "well, you're jealous because you haven't got any of your own," I will fucking plant you in the cornfield. While reminding you we weren't talking about me in the first place. Or the second. Maybe not even in the third.
I'm old enough - and the daughter of a nurse who retired after over fifty years in hospitals, before and after Roe - to have seen a long string of really young parents with no other visible support than an accidental pregnancy. Lemme tellya. It never went well. Yeah, there are survivors of the process - and they can get on okay - or not - but while you can plan and choose? Please do. And yes, that's asking a lot.
Parenting is a selfless act, by its very nature. If you can't think of anything but what you want here? Come on.
That's not a responsible parent talking.
I've said this, I'm sure of it - stop me if you've heard this one before.
I don't think anyone under the age of oh, 21/22 or so? Should try to have a kid by themselves. No, seriously.
I haven't met a 19-year-old yet I thought was prime parent material, me included.
When is a good time? Hmmm. Get all the school you want out of the way, first. Get a good handle on the kind of job you want to have (and if that means parenting children, that's honest) and make sure you can back it up with the kind of education you need (see former, capiche?)...and be in a stable relationship if you're making the kid yourself. Don't waffle or mince on the last statement. You want optimal, there's your mix.
Oh, and if you're not fabulous by 30, don't kill yourself.
I really think it's only fair you get to be a teenager as long as you're allowed. Make all the mistakes you can reasonably account for yourself, and learn from them - FIRST - before you drag someone else along for the ride.
And when girls start menarche at 11 these days, that's a lot of years you have to be aware of your fertility and managing it. At a time when you're least educated about just about everything.
I am a firm supporter of contraception, and believe that nobody gets pregnant with the express intention of having an abortion - so if you tell me you need one, I believe you need one. It's that simple.
We clear on this?
Please. Don't tell me you think you can care for a baby when you're not even old enough to sign contracts as a legal adult. Not in this world. Oh, and you're already living on your own, independent and all that? No? Children get taken care of by their parents. Not their parents being 'taken care of' by their children, if you get my drift. If - my respect means anything. You asked.
If anything in my adoption journey has taught me, it's that there isn't a shortage of children being born - and frankly, the adoption agencies that advertise "PREGNANT? WANNA SELL YOUR KID?" right next to the "ADOPTIVE PARENTS APPLY HERE" banner make me ill, but that appears to be the typical domestic adoption scenario. I can't blame anyone who doesn't think of that first - but think about it seriously, if you're single, unemployed and under 22. Okay? There are more types of adoption situations than the "traditional" kind - believe me, I've done the research. There's no 'giving up' in adoption these days, not unless you want to.
This is someone who waited - with good reason. It can be done, and you'll have a hard time convincing me it was a mistake.
If you want to toss "well, you're jealous because you haven't got any of your own," I will fucking plant you in the cornfield. While reminding you we weren't talking about me in the first place. Or the second. Maybe not even in the third.
I'm old enough - and the daughter of a nurse who retired after over fifty years in hospitals, before and after Roe - to have seen a long string of really young parents with no other visible support than an accidental pregnancy. Lemme tellya. It never went well. Yeah, there are survivors of the process - and they can get on okay - or not - but while you can plan and choose? Please do. And yes, that's asking a lot.
Parenting is a selfless act, by its very nature. If you can't think of anything but what you want here? Come on.
That's not a responsible parent talking.
no subject
There are more types of adoption situations than the "traditional" kind - believe me, I've done the research. There's no 'giving up' in adoption these days, not unless you want to.
In most open adoption situations, the birth mother has no legal rights. While in the negotiation, the adoptive parents may promise all kinds of things, after the papers are signed they can do whatever they want.
no subject
Of course, legally? The last case to truly test the waters was Baby M, who is what, college age now? And that case actually had DNA links to enforce it.
In all honesty, an open adoption is a means by which a biological child has access to a biological parent - no more, no less. How friendly that relationship will be depends on the parties involved - and much like any other kind of non-legal bond - and YUP, that's what it is. Giving up forever? No. Definitely a change in status? Big time.
Take a specific kind of head to get around that one - but I can't imagine a better attempt to take some of the loss out of adoption.
no subject
not so - there are tons of custody cases taking place all the time, different in every state. We just don't hear about them.
I can't imagine a better attempt to take some of the loss out of adoption.
Really? I can. Giving the birth parent some kind of legal rights. Because even worse than the loss of adoption is thinking you would get some contact with the child you placed, only to be cut off by the adoptive parents after they got what they wanted.
no subject
Children have to BELONG to someone, and that usually gets defined as one male and one female, normally biological in nature.
Step away from this, and every attempt is made, from a legal standpoint, to define the relationship as rigidly as possible back to this model, minus the biological part. Only two people can claim 'ownership' of a child - of course, the kids, once grown? Usually have other ideas.
You remember when kids got to be part of the settlement in a divorce? I do. One parent getting 'custody' and all that.
You've got better information - if you can relate some of the recent decisions, I'm your best audience right now.