w00t w00t booyah

Still sick. But better, and will go back to work tomorrow.

I've said this, I'm sure of it - stop me if you've heard this one before.

I don't think anyone under the age of oh, 21/22 or so? Should try to have a kid by themselves. No, seriously.

I haven't met a 19-year-old yet I thought was prime parent material, me included.

When is a good time? Hmmm. Get all the school you want out of the way, first. Get a good handle on the kind of job you want to have (and if that means parenting children, that's honest) and make sure you can back it up with the kind of education you need (see former, capiche?)...and be in a stable relationship if you're making the kid yourself. Don't waffle or mince on the last statement. You want optimal, there's your mix.

Oh, and if you're not fabulous by 30, don't kill yourself.

I really think it's only fair you get to be a teenager as long as you're allowed. Make all the mistakes you can reasonably account for yourself, and learn from them - FIRST - before you drag someone else along for the ride.

And when girls start menarche at 11 these days, that's a lot of years you have to be aware of your fertility and managing it. At a time when you're least educated about just about everything.

I am a firm supporter of contraception, and believe that nobody gets pregnant with the express intention of having an abortion - so if you tell me you need one, I believe you need one. It's that simple.

We clear on this?

Please. Don't tell me you think you can care for a baby when you're not even old enough to sign contracts as a legal adult. Not in this world. Oh, and you're already living on your own, independent and all that? No? Children get taken care of by their parents. Not their parents being 'taken care of' by their children, if you get my drift. If - my respect means anything. You asked.

If anything in my adoption journey has taught me, it's that there isn't a shortage of children being born - and frankly, the adoption agencies that advertise "PREGNANT? WANNA SELL YOUR KID?" right next to the "ADOPTIVE PARENTS APPLY HERE" banner make me ill, but that appears to be the typical domestic adoption scenario. I can't blame anyone who doesn't think of that first - but think about it seriously, if you're single, unemployed and under 22. Okay? There are more types of adoption situations than the "traditional" kind - believe me, I've done the research. There's no 'giving up' in adoption these days, not unless you want to.

This is someone who waited - with good reason. It can be done, and you'll have a hard time convincing me it was a mistake.

If you want to toss "well, you're jealous because you haven't got any of your own," I will fucking plant you in the cornfield. While reminding you we weren't talking about me in the first place. Or the second. Maybe not even in the third.

I'm old enough - and the daughter of a nurse who retired after over fifty years in hospitals, before and after Roe - to have seen a long string of really young parents with no other visible support than an accidental pregnancy. Lemme tellya. It never went well. Yeah, there are survivors of the process - and they can get on okay - or not - but while you can plan and choose? Please do. And yes, that's asking a lot.

Parenting is a selfless act, by its very nature. If you can't think of anything but what you want here? Come on.

That's not a responsible parent talking.

Still sick. But better, and will go back to work tomorrow.

I've said this, I'm sure of it - stop me if you've heard this one before.

I don't think anyone under the age of oh, 21/22 or so? Should try to have a kid by themselves. No, seriously.

I haven't met a 19-year-old yet I thought was prime parent material, me included.

When is a good time? Hmmm. Get all the school you want out of the way, first. Get a good handle on the kind of job you want to have (and if that means parenting children, that's honest) and make sure you can back it up with the kind of education you need (see former, capiche?)...and be in a stable relationship if you're making the kid yourself. Don't waffle or mince on the last statement. You want optimal, there's your mix.

Oh, and if you're not fabulous by 30, don't kill yourself.

I really think it's only fair you get to be a teenager as long as you're allowed. Make all the mistakes you can reasonably account for yourself, and learn from them - FIRST - before you drag someone else along for the ride.

And when girls start menarche at 11 these days, that's a lot of years you have to be aware of your fertility and managing it. At a time when you're least educated about just about everything.

I am a firm supporter of contraception, and believe that nobody gets pregnant with the express intention of having an abortion - so if you tell me you need one, I believe you need one. It's that simple.

We clear on this?

Please. Don't tell me you think you can care for a baby when you're not even old enough to sign contracts as a legal adult. Not in this world. Oh, and you're already living on your own, independent and all that? No? Children get taken care of by their parents. Not their parents being 'taken care of' by their children, if you get my drift. If - my respect means anything. You asked.

If anything in my adoption journey has taught me, it's that there isn't a shortage of children being born - and frankly, the adoption agencies that advertise "PREGNANT? WANNA SELL YOUR KID?" right next to the "ADOPTIVE PARENTS APPLY HERE" banner make me ill, but that appears to be the typical domestic adoption scenario. I can't blame anyone who doesn't think of that first - but think about it seriously, if you're single, unemployed and under 22. Okay? There are more types of adoption situations than the "traditional" kind - believe me, I've done the research. There's no 'giving up' in adoption these days, not unless you want to.

This is someone who waited - with good reason. It can be done, and you'll have a hard time convincing me it was a mistake.

If you want to toss "well, you're jealous because you haven't got any of your own," I will fucking plant you in the cornfield. While reminding you we weren't talking about me in the first place. Or the second. Maybe not even in the third.

I'm old enough - and the daughter of a nurse who retired after over fifty years in hospitals, before and after Roe - to have seen a long string of really young parents with no other visible support than an accidental pregnancy. Lemme tellya. It never went well. Yeah, there are survivors of the process - and they can get on okay - or not - but while you can plan and choose? Please do. And yes, that's asking a lot.

Parenting is a selfless act, by its very nature. If you can't think of anything but what you want here? Come on.

That's not a responsible parent talking.

A couple of shots from Saturday - I think I have the one we're going to use, but there's no fun in that.

Here's to pictures that don't suck!

Which one do you like more?



-or-



I really wanted to stay away from a formal portrait - here, look at this poor desperate couple! Give 'em a kid! - so I went for the less than stellar situation. I think they're pretty good shots, all told.

Today we go to Pasadena to talk about talking about adoption. It's a class. Seriously. Actually, what I hope this turns out to be is a roundtable discussion about how other people discuss it, where everyone gets to toss ideas in. I got the handout in the binder - yes, there is a set of codewords that are "good" and others that are "bad."

*facepalms*

"birth parent" - good
"real parent" - bad

"making an adoption plan" - good
"giving a child up for adoption" - bad

And then, I got curious - remember those twins that were adopted twice, once in San Bernardino and once in Britain? Ever wonder what happened to them?

They're still in foster care. In Britain, best that I can tell. Both biological parents have been stripped of their parental rights - in the US. What a freaking mess. The details are scarce, but were reported by a faction I hadn't know about.

I ran full-face into the anti-adoption movement.

I found this lady. Folks, this is the person I need to know how to deal with when discussing adoption. My kids are going to have to deal with people like this about their adoption. And all the "good words" aren't going to be worth two cents - "adoption aborts the mother" is the rallying cry.

You know, there are very good reasons why I truly believe that every person has the biological right to know who their parents were. Period. I have no interest in blocking that right in my own family.

I do not, however, believe that biology should override each and every single decision regarding procreation, or raising a child. It does provide the default - but so much sturm and drang comes over dealing with situations involving children when the biology doesn't provide decent care after the fact, and then what happens when you try to compensate for it (foster care, legal system, adoption) can nearly always be considered less than optimal.

You come into this as an adoptive parent, you always come into it second-best. Yeah, let's talk about adoption.

But so help me. If this is a class on white-washing the whole issue, I'm not going to sit there with my mouth shut.

Today we go to Pasadena to talk about talking about adoption. It's a class. Seriously. Actually, what I hope this turns out to be is a roundtable discussion about how other people discuss it, where everyone gets to toss ideas in. I got the handout in the binder - yes, there is a set of codewords that are "good" and others that are "bad."

*facepalms*

"birth parent" - good
"real parent" - bad

"making an adoption plan" - good
"giving a child up for adoption" - bad

And then, I got curious - remember those twins that were adopted twice, once in San Bernardino and once in Britain? Ever wonder what happened to them?

They're still in foster care. In Britain, best that I can tell. Both biological parents have been stripped of their parental rights - in the US. What a freaking mess. The details are scarce, but were reported by a faction I hadn't know about.

I ran full-face into the anti-adoption movement.

I found this lady. Folks, this is the person I need to know how to deal with when discussing adoption. My kids are going to have to deal with people like this about their adoption. And all the "good words" aren't going to be worth two cents - "adoption aborts the mother" is the rallying cry.

You know, there are very good reasons why I truly believe that every person has the biological right to know who their parents were. Period. I have no interest in blocking that right in my own family.

I do not, however, believe that biology should override each and every single decision regarding procreation, or raising a child. It does provide the default - but so much sturm and drang comes over dealing with situations involving children when the biology doesn't provide decent care after the fact, and then what happens when you try to compensate for it (foster care, legal system, adoption) can nearly always be considered less than optimal.

You come into this as an adoptive parent, you always come into it second-best. Yeah, let's talk about adoption.

But so help me. If this is a class on white-washing the whole issue, I'm not going to sit there with my mouth shut.

Just a tad less awesome than Saturday Morning, but I'll take it.

Want a sample?

How much is in the bank? HOLY FEKKING CRUMBS.

It's payday - and this payday, Jim got his CEU time credit, plus a yearly "whee we all work together well" bonus - all in one. It was like getting 2.5 paychecks - from him alone. Unions are good. VERY GOOD.

Kitty, those are my shoelaces. Gimme!

I should post some new pictures. The kids are looking great.

Jim, ten minutes to plumber!

Yeah, home improvement day. Looks like it's going to rain today, too. Just in time for the yardwork to not get done again, right?

This is Jim's Saturday, and well, wanted to sleep in.

He's got a lot of other things on the list today, as you might imagine. Hence, me still sitting here posting instead of on my way to work.

Here plumber, plumber, plumber....I got a nice leaky bathtub faucet for yooooooou....

Does anyone have any opinions on Union California Bank or eBank.com? They're in the running to get a whole lot of business from us.

Don't suggest WAMU or HSBC, please. ING still in consideration, but I'd have to use two banks to get all the tasks done if I do.

Multiple fiscal tasks, yo.

Dizzy. Yup. Dizzy.

You got kids, you need stuff. Off my mailing list -

L A Kids Consignment Sale - Van Nuys

Come find amazing bargains on gently-used and new children’s items at the Spring LA Kids Consignment sale. Over 125 families have contributed 8000+ items; clothing, toys, cribs, exersaucers, outdoor toys, videos, books, strollers, puzzles, maternity and so much more! This is no garage sale! Everything is hanging, organized by size, gender and category.

Where: Lake Balboa Studios, 7412 Balboa Blvd, Van Nuys, CA 91406

When/Times:
Friday, March 24, 9am – 7pm
Saturday, March 25, 9am – 5pm
Sunday, March 26, 9am- 2pm 50% off sale

Contact: (818) 693-3183

The first 400 buyers get goodie bags with coupons and special offers from dozens of LA businesses. Plus, come Saturday and Sunday to see some amazing vendors with all types of kid and mommy products. See the website for the schedule of events.

*bows*

You got kids, you need stuff. Off my mailing list -

L A Kids Consignment Sale - Van Nuys

Come find amazing bargains on gently-used and new children’s items at the Spring LA Kids Consignment sale. Over 125 families have contributed 8000+ items; clothing, toys, cribs, exersaucers, outdoor toys, videos, books, strollers, puzzles, maternity and so much more! This is no garage sale! Everything is hanging, organized by size, gender and category.

Where: Lake Balboa Studios, 7412 Balboa Blvd, Van Nuys, CA 91406

When/Times:
Friday, March 24, 9am – 7pm
Saturday, March 25, 9am – 5pm
Sunday, March 26, 9am- 2pm 50% off sale

Contact: (818) 693-3183

The first 400 buyers get goodie bags with coupons and special offers from dozens of LA businesses. Plus, come Saturday and Sunday to see some amazing vendors with all types of kid and mommy products. See the website for the schedule of events.

*bows*

Okay, you know who's birthday it is today.

And you know where I went this evening. And you know how frickin' on my last nerve I've been about this whole adoption thing.

They want us to get through the home study process as soon as possible. They have two boys in Taiwan they'd like to consider as placements for us.

We could be parents by Memorial Day. Like, six years to the weekend Jim came out here to live with me. And have the second placement from China before the end of the year.

I could have my kids - both of them - by the end of summer.

All I had to do was find a better agency. All I had to do was turn to the internet.

*blows air* Folks, this is how I found Jim. On my last nerve and ready to throw in the towel. So I go looking on the internet -

Yeah, I know when Cliff's been by. Shit happens.

Little shit.

(The only thing holding up the process is funding - which is a matter of process now, I talked to the loan officer this afternoon. I'm detailing the house tomorrow - and getting things cleaned up, no other way to put it. Expect fund raising to start in earnest ASAP.)

I'm going to Taiwan. I'm going to China.

I am. So stoked.

And...unbelieveably relieved. Finally.

The name of the agency we met with today was Heartsent. The biggest issue I see today is paying for it all. I have to give them credit - they don't post the fees involved on the website. They do discuss them as soon as you are ready to talk about them - which I think shows a bit more class. Everyone knows the process costs money. You aren't here if you haven't discovered that having children outside of getting pregnant costs money - lots of it.

But we also discovered that our experience with DCFS wasn't unusual - far from it. One couple had spent fifteen years with them and didn't manage a placement.

We get through this process? And we've already been told it isn't as demanding - we're in. We will have a child at the end of it.

How much money? Think of us buying another car. About that much.

Where? I can think of two to three places to pull from - and most of that will have to wait until Monday.

Suffice it to say, I'm going to be looking for things to raffle/auction off to raise funds.

And it was a very nice afternoon.