w00t w00t booyah

What if you actually tried to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge?

Quickly and without effort I am perched on the rail, left arm gripping the beam beside me, right hand on the rail below, feet slightly swinging over water. Nothing between me and water now. Everything between me and the water below. I am coaching myself in my head. Thirty more years of the same? Is that really what you want, Sam? Isn’t it time? And I am not unconvinced. But there is as if a wall, and I can no more break through it with my weak flesh and soft bone than I can slip off this rail into the air.

First part of five. Man. I have to give props to the blogger for just putting this to print.

What if you actually tried to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge?

Quickly and without effort I am perched on the rail, left arm gripping the beam beside me, right hand on the rail below, feet slightly swinging over water. Nothing between me and water now. Everything between me and the water below. I am coaching myself in my head. Thirty more years of the same? Is that really what you want, Sam? Isn’t it time? And I am not unconvinced. But there is as if a wall, and I can no more break through it with my weak flesh and soft bone than I can slip off this rail into the air.

First part of five. Man. I have to give props to the blogger for just putting this to print.

Originally posted by kylecassidy at Yes, WE HAVE KITTENS! and they need NAMES! and they need PEOPLE!

I didn't feel the earthquake last night - but enough folks on Twitter certainly did. As a reference, the San Jacinto fault is *right* next to my Mom's house? So we called, talked to my mother who was very unimpressed with the whole matter. Nothing fell, nobody died, ho hum. She's also got a goodly UTI working right now and is on one of the antbiotics she doesn't cope well with on top of it. I seriously doubt much would get her attention under those conditions - poor thing just doesn't feel good.

August is coming. This doesn't make me comfortable. August is traditionally when all the bad stuff happened - the past few years have broken that streak, but in Cliff's last five years of life? Like lockstep - something happened every August to take things down a peg further. And as you might expect with the long hospitalizations that followed at Cedars-Sinai, I know far more about Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (and really, the long way) than I ought.

I'm being greedy about Mom, I know, I know. Mid-eighties, getting very frail - but damn if she isn't enjoying the heck out of things happening right now and who would want her to miss any of it?

I've also had two dreams recently where the only thing I remember is being in perfect health and told I had only four more months due to a cancer diagnosis. I wake, shake the sleep out of my head and remember nobody has even talked to me recently on any medical issues, let alone a cancer diagnosis. Twice. Not scared - but shaking my head nonetheless.

See, there's this little family history on Mom's side of the family - both her brothers and her father were dead at 59 from sudden death coronaries. Mom? Had her heart attack in her seventies. Her sister, much the same. I've nearly accepted the fact I will have one myself someday - and with the state of medical science, survive it.

But I'm 50 this year. The last one died in the seventies - so things have changed a LOT since then. I'm expecting to see 100 - but in the meantime, I'm looking over my shoulder a bit.

Dad's side of the family? Self-destruction, to be short and sweet. If they didn't off themselves, they lived into their nineties.

There's nothing like going back to 2004 entries and reading what I thought about people who have recently made my life too interesting a place recently - again. I'm kinder now, to be blunt.

Marines with kittens. D'awwwww.

For Hank: Jackie Chan sings 'Be A Man' - in Cantonese Add to the database?

Why I'll not retire anywhere other than CA. Now, if we can just retain these standards - that's the challenge. Nursing care is very labor-intensive, and in these days of ship it offshore, expensive. Relatively. I hope Iowa or New Mexico is checking as well - shorting patient care at the long-term intensive level? Heinous. There are few populations more helpless, and I would know.

In other news, what me, retire? Right.

Listening to the news, it's amusing to listen to the governor order the state controller to do Something he's already told everyone repeatedly can't be done due to software restrictions. This was true years past. No more money has been put into said payroll application - but yet, the governor wants stupid out of it. Sounds about par for the course for his whole administration. And now it's in the courts - when it really needs a bunch of programmers and related smarts (and the required $$$). Also very par. *eyeroll*

I'm going to go yell at a spreadsheet.

I didn't feel the earthquake last night - but enough folks on Twitter certainly did. As a reference, the San Jacinto fault is *right* next to my Mom's house? So we called, talked to my mother who was very unimpressed with the whole matter. Nothing fell, nobody died, ho hum. She's also got a goodly UTI working right now and is on one of the antbiotics she doesn't cope well with on top of it. I seriously doubt much would get her attention under those conditions - poor thing just doesn't feel good.

August is coming. This doesn't make me comfortable. August is traditionally when all the bad stuff happened - the past few years have broken that streak, but in Cliff's last five years of life? Like lockstep - something happened every August to take things down a peg further. And as you might expect with the long hospitalizations that followed at Cedars-Sinai, I know far more about Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (and really, the long way) than I ought.

I'm being greedy about Mom, I know, I know. Mid-eighties, getting very frail - but damn if she isn't enjoying the heck out of things happening right now and who would want her to miss any of it?

I've also had two dreams recently where the only thing I remember is being in perfect health and told I had only four more months due to a cancer diagnosis. I wake, shake the sleep out of my head and remember nobody has even talked to me recently on any medical issues, let alone a cancer diagnosis. Twice. Not scared - but shaking my head nonetheless.

See, there's this little family history on Mom's side of the family - both her brothers and her father were dead at 59 from sudden death coronaries. Mom? Had her heart attack in her seventies. Her sister, much the same. I've nearly accepted the fact I will have one myself someday - and with the state of medical science, survive it.

But I'm 50 this year. The last one died in the seventies - so things have changed a LOT since then. I'm expecting to see 100 - but in the meantime, I'm looking over my shoulder a bit.

Dad's side of the family? Self-destruction, to be short and sweet. If they didn't off themselves, they lived into their nineties.

There's nothing like going back to 2004 entries and reading what I thought about people who have recently made my life too interesting a place recently - again. I'm kinder now, to be blunt.

Marines with kittens. D'awwwww.

For Hank: Jackie Chan sings 'Be A Man' - in Cantonese Add to the database?

Why I'll not retire anywhere other than CA. Now, if we can just retain these standards - that's the challenge. Nursing care is very labor-intensive, and in these days of ship it offshore, expensive. Relatively. I hope Iowa or New Mexico is checking as well - shorting patient care at the long-term intensive level? Heinous. There are few populations more helpless, and I would know.

In other news, what me, retire? Right.

Listening to the news, it's amusing to listen to the governor order the state controller to do Something he's already told everyone repeatedly can't be done due to software restrictions. This was true years past. No more money has been put into said payroll application - but yet, the governor wants stupid out of it. Sounds about par for the course for his whole administration. And now it's in the courts - when it really needs a bunch of programmers and related smarts (and the required $$$). Also very par. *eyeroll*

I'm going to go yell at a spreadsheet.

Who doesn't know the cartoon that icon is taken from? Swear to God, I can remember crying over that poor dog when I was too young to know what I was crying about. Not that the kitten was ever REALLY in danger, mind - but that POOR DOG who just adored it and nobody would tell him! It wasn't just mean - it was criminal.

Now? I married the dog, and we adopted the kitten. (That cookie even looks like Xander.) And is life with him like having that adorable kitten who makes mincemeat out of our hides settling in to sleep, purring under our chins and scaring the crap out of us wholesale unawares?

Why yes, yes it.

And do I feel like that dog some days when I'm sure I've done something horrible to my kid that nobody else seems to notice? There's the picture. That's how it feels.

So when you see it? Yup. Bad Mommy time.

I am bemused that today, everything I have on (that you can see) came from the Army Surplus store. Better yet? This is the lightly worn outfit from last night's dinner where the lady in fur told me I looked 'lovely.' Guys, I'm wearing overalls and khaki. WHAT.

My morning, in links?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tzg_1XwzG08 - Rita Hayworth's 'Put the blame on Mame'

http://www.whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner.com/ - Yup. Hit the 'I don't - ' buttons a few times.

http://www.illinois.gov/PressReleases/ShowPressRelease.cfm?SubjectID=1&RecNum=8460 - “After Governor Quinn signs this legislation, I will be able to walk into the state’s office of Vital Records, plunk down my $15 and get a copy of my original birth certificate. On it will be the name of the woman who gave birth to me 53 years ago. I can't wait to hold it in my hand,” said Rep. Feigenholtz. “Today, we're opening a new chapter in adoption history in Illinois where we can finally say that all families are created equal.”

Said Senator Wilhelmi, “This legislation restores the basic right of adult adoptees to know who they are and where they came from, including their family and medical history. This is a balanced and fair measure that respects all parties involved in the adoption process."

You're not a child forever. Adoptees SHOULD have their own records upon reaching their majority. This is so basic, the lack of it in so many parts of my country hurts me. Yes, Xander will have reissued birth documents with our names on them - in a year or so. But we have the original birth certificate, and the court documents, in Chinese and English. And so will he - no question about it. Closed records make absolutely no sense to me. Adoption does not erase the existence of first families - if you want the information, good grief. I CAN GET IT. Why shouldn't anyone who wants it, end of line.

*ahem* Yay, Illinois.

http://community.livejournal.com/holysaltnpepper/670.html - Yes, I'm still Simming. Not as much, and much more covertly - but, yeah. I blow off steam with pixels.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjNKyoRudOQ&NR - I haven't had a chance to watch this yet, but I understand it involves Patrick Stewart and the alphabet. See ya.

In other news?

I'm the person who took the class in Wild West Lit for an English breadth requirement in college, when a class in Science Fiction Lit was just as available because I wanted to learn something - hell, that's what the whole exercise was about, right? I saw the syllabus - I'd read everything on it, twice over in most cases and in high school, before even. Nothing new there - so if I'm paying my money, and spending my time? Right.

So if you ask me to give you something new? I may not pick things in your comfort zone. Everyone else in the world can do that - me? I'm going to make you work for it. And maybe, just maybe - you'll come away with something new, shiny and useful to take back to your comfort zone. Don't be a Sherlock Holmes, who knew everyting there was about crime and criminal intents and nothing more...develop a curious mind about everything around you. You can find amazing things - if you stop seeing the mundane and look.

Your Monday? It's now in progress.

And I have a nearly unlimited supply of them - so if I'm running short, guess.

Both ends, and a blowtorch applied to the middle. Ayup.

So, just to say I was here and leave my mark for the day?

Consider the Zen of the shuttle-riding bat.

I've always had a thing for the last great act of defiance.

See ya later -