w00t w00t booyah

Kid went to school this morning.

I got a call half an hour into the teaching day telling me to remove my child. AT ONCE.

Jim lost the day after losing the morning to replacing tires (you remember the tires), turning around to pick him up, go home and dig up the necessary documents and then going to over to the home public school to enroll him.

Didn't make it in time to keep him there today, but he did get introduced to his new class. Jim took the paperwork home to complete it and answering the questions just about broke him.

You see, children are to be in school, no matter if they live in a home or a cardboard box and the forms ask you about it.

I've moved up the placement testing for new school, but kid can get a taste of public school for the next few days and I can get an idea from a fresh set of eyes of what really this is all about.

Kid hated school. I think it's as simple as that. He had no motivation to comply and bucked authority at every opportunity. They, on the other hand, have no motivation to try to do anything with him and threw him out. Such is the prerogative of a private school.

But I've had enough - so much for the rosy image of a cute little school with cute little classes and sweet, adoring teachers. BAH.

For my next trick, I try to explain what happened to him. Yeah. Six years old and they don't want you anymore. THAT is going to be a fucking walk in the park.

First day with new teacher, new session? Well, he flunked naptime but that's all I got.

Yes, we need to step back up with the homework. It's Fall, surprise. No more summer school field trip nonsense, it's time for SCHOOL.

*ahem*

My kid ate it up.

He then came home, ate four pieces of pizza, sprawled across me in happy abandon and only gave me a moment's worry at bedtime and slept all night.

We actually overslept the alarm clock this morning. That NEVER happens and stop laughing.

So far. So good. So much better.

Some Taiwanese women are reluctant to have children.

"We think it's not suitable to raise children, especially in Taiwan. In Taiwan, when a girl gets married she has to sacrifice a lot," one says.

"Once she reaches a certain academic level she can't just stay at home and take care of kids and her parents-in-law, but that's still what the older generation expects from them."

Another says: "Taiwan's work hours are really long. That makes it difficult to get married and have kids. You might not have much free time and it's hard to relax."

My agency right now is placing more children born in Taiwan than are born in mainland China. Why? The kids are there, needing families. More of them now than in the China program.

The wait right now is about two years - for an infant, mind. The hardest kind of adoption to find. If you are willing to adopt from foster care, older child? No problem. Six months, most of that court process time. For the China program? Check my profile - our LID for China was 02/27/07. Right now, five years and could go to seven.

In our case, our child was left at the hospital by the first mother. He was not the product of the marriage she was in - and at the time, presented with minor medical need. He was placed for adoption essentially at birth, but waited over two years before being released for a placement overseas. He wasn't special in that regard, as I'm finding.

So - not only do you have a significantly reduced birthrate, even infants released for adoption at birth aren't finding families. It's that tough and if you have a choice? You don't chose to become parents.

Here in the States, the primary indicator for declaring bankruptcy if you're female is whether or not you have children, married or single.

We are still positive on birthrate. But our children live in poverty at a rate most people would find horrifying - if they knew and actually processed what that meant. Remember, bankruptcy indicator.

It's not simple enough to say the wrong people are having children - ANYONE having children are subject to this risk of absolute financial disaster, no other factors consulted.

And still, the CW is 'I got mine, screw you! I don't want to pay for ANYONE else but me!'

Gosh, this just doesn't work. I don't know that we need to be overly concerned about global warming or not. A species that doesn't reproduce...and then rejects their young? Um. Yeah. That. That's painting with a broad brush, but geez.

(By comparison, even places that provide all kinds of incentives aren't doing much better - but being an absolute indicator of whether you're going to be a winner or a loser? It doesn't get much starker than this.)

Some Taiwanese women are reluctant to have children.

"We think it's not suitable to raise children, especially in Taiwan. In Taiwan, when a girl gets married she has to sacrifice a lot," one says.

"Once she reaches a certain academic level she can't just stay at home and take care of kids and her parents-in-law, but that's still what the older generation expects from them."

Another says: "Taiwan's work hours are really long. That makes it difficult to get married and have kids. You might not have much free time and it's hard to relax."

My agency right now is placing more children born in Taiwan than are born in mainland China. Why? The kids are there, needing families. More of them now than in the China program.

The wait right now is about two years - for an infant, mind. The hardest kind of adoption to find. If you are willing to adopt from foster care, older child? No problem. Six months, most of that court process time. For the China program? Check my profile - our LID for China was 02/27/07. Right now, five years and could go to seven.

In our case, our child was left at the hospital by the first mother. He was not the product of the marriage she was in - and at the time, presented with minor medical need. He was placed for adoption essentially at birth, but waited over two years before being released for a placement overseas. He wasn't special in that regard, as I'm finding.

So - not only do you have a significantly reduced birthrate, even infants released for adoption at birth aren't finding families. It's that tough and if you have a choice? You don't chose to become parents.

Here in the States, the primary indicator for declaring bankruptcy if you're female is whether or not you have children, married or single.

We are still positive on birthrate. But our children live in poverty at a rate most people would find horrifying - if they knew and actually processed what that meant. Remember, bankruptcy indicator.

It's not simple enough to say the wrong people are having children - ANYONE having children are subject to this risk of absolute financial disaster, no other factors consulted.

And still, the CW is 'I got mine, screw you! I don't want to pay for ANYONE else but me!'

Gosh, this just doesn't work. I don't know that we need to be overly concerned about global warming or not. A species that doesn't reproduce...and then rejects their young? Um. Yeah. That. That's painting with a broad brush, but geez.

(By comparison, even places that provide all kinds of incentives aren't doing much better - but being an absolute indicator of whether you're going to be a winner or a loser? It doesn't get much starker than this.)

See icon. That's me, trying to deal with six year old with separation anxiety.

He hates school. Can't say I'm surprised, they aren't impressed at all with him either. He won't sit still, won't pay attention to directions, distracts himself by playing with his shoes, pestering the kid next to him, talking talking talking talking....

But give him a task, and he's all over it. Let him do worksheets - he loves it. But no, this is a summer session and that would be WORK. Their idea of a summer break is going to be the end of us.

He's been benched from ever leaving the school on a field trip again. That's nearly $200 down the drain because - ta da! - it's his fault. (Yes, you have to pay for field trips. Why yes, yes we did. In advance. Why wouldn't we?)

I take him to Kaiser - they look at age, gender, starting kindergarden and disregard the parents telling the LCSW about the international adoption at age 3.5? Yanno, the one that scared him shitless? THAT ONE?

Oh no. ADHD. Go sign up for parenting classes, you dumbass. And get ready to start drugging your kid, some of them actually do well as adults. Hope you were expecting to institutionalize him at some point. Get out. Your turn is over, there's somebody waiting outside. Scram.

Welcome to becoming a statistic.

And he's still scared.

The next thing you hear is 'make sure you're taking care of yourself - you need to get respite!' Suuuuure. My kid is so uncertain about where his parents are, he's checking to see when my next church meeting is. Which is once a month or so. When's the next one, Mom? Now? Now?

I'm about glued to him as it is, and I don't dare go far. And I'm the one he hates.

He about comes unglued every time Jim leaves the room. Since he leaves first in the morning, and I take kid to school four days a week? I have a kid ready to run after the car every day, even though I'm sitting right there. 9 times out of 10, I'm also the only one insisting that shush means shush (not talk louder to be heard), so I am also not the Nice One. He wants Daddy. Well, shit kid so do I.

The motor mouth when tired. The yackity yack in bed once he's been put there. The lack of napping, so I have a bucket of bolts at the end of the day. No cope. None. No television, nothing. No fun at all.

This morning, he woke up tantruming. Fired us all. Said everyone was mean to him. I replied that when he didn't behave, he was the meanest one in the room. Meant it. The tantrum? Get up, put your toys back on your bed and get dressed. I put the toys back. Oh, the humanity.

He remembers everything. The clarity of process in this kid really dissuades me from jumping back to the hyperactivity bandwagon. It also makes me wonder how much he remembers prior to adoption, and what exactly happened.

The being cute to get out of it makes me wonder most of all. Did they try to place him prior to us, and it failed because he wouldn't behave? All he had to do was what he's doing now - and voila, back with foster parents. You remember, the ones he cried nine months for and begged us to return him to? Those parents.

The amount of work right now, just trying to get services in - and making sure he stays in a school setting right now? All hands, the cook and any politician I can drag into the fray. Really.

He's still scared. And I'm so angry I can barely think straight.

And kid wants NOTHING to do with any of it.

Me? I'm down to trite gambatte ne's and the like.

Be strong, little guy. I know you can do it.

(Really wish I could make it clear why telling him 'this is going to be so much fun' doesn't help when he's lost everyone he knew...all he wants to do is go home with Mommy and Dada and STAY THERE.)

Sitting on my hands. Worried like whoa.

And kid wants NOTHING to do with any of it.

Me? I'm down to trite gambatte ne's and the like.

Be strong, little guy. I know you can do it.

(Really wish I could make it clear why telling him 'this is going to be so much fun' doesn't help when he's lost everyone he knew...all he wants to do is go home with Mommy and Dada and STAY THERE.)

Sitting on my hands. Worried like whoa.

So - we went to see Kung Fu Panda 2. That's as far as I go before I throw up the spoiler warning from hell.

( This movie is about a big, fat panda. And adoption. Not necessarily in that order. )

I'm going to try to see it again while it's still in the theaters.

For the record, if my kid tells you 'Daddy said I could - ' - no. No, Daddy did not say anything about whatever it was - matter of fact, he wasn't even consulted.

If you hear 'Mommy said I could - ' - um, guys. Mommy NEVER says he can do anything. For the record. That appears to be a line in my job description these days.

I'm also trying a different tact with the videogames and such - my kid aspires to be as big a Pokemon geek as his Dad, so trying to eliminate the games is really asking for more work with less returns in our environment. Yes, Dad finally beat him in a fair fight and the results were amazing. I had to remind Dad his kid is 5 and he's nearly 50. I had to hand out tea and sympathy to the kid. I then told kid Dad is *very* good at this and if he wanted to learn something, he needed to pay attention and not just get upset when Dad beat him (Soundly, I might add.) Dad can teach you a lot about this. You need to pay attention and not just try to win.

I've also tabled all final four runs for the time being - kid does them so often, he can do four of them in an hour. Using the same Pokemon constantly - with Jim's method (you buy enough stuff to keep your guys from fainting and grind grind grind), he's leveled up his favorites to 100. Guess what. Kid has ego issues - he likes winning. A lot.

Kid, you have other things to do. Trouble is, they're not as easy. The latest version actually has some pretty tough side games to do - mostly hide and seek related. He was given one of those yesterday - and clearly told he could do THAT or put the game up. When it got hard? He plainted for 'where are my other games?' and when thwarted, quit and started up the oldest one, the old Ruby Advance game still in the DS.

He lost the DS for the rest of the day. He cried. I hugged him, told him he had disobeyed me and done exactly what I had told him not to do. And he got caught. Then put him down and showed him all his other toys. The crocodile tears ended pretty quick. ^^

I've also introduced him to the online games as an alternative. They really are more hand-eye and less battle-oriented, plus you get strokes for being smart as opposed to having the biggest stick in your hand.

Time to redirect the focus.

I've also noticed kid attempting to see what would happen if he got destructive - which is new for him - and I have to believe it's coming from a good place, not a bad one. I didn't have the toddler that opened jars of powder and goo and spread them all over everything, or drew on the walls with markers or snapped all the CDs. But I think I will have the kindergardener who will poke holes in things with other things to see if it's possible. Stick fingers in sliding doors. Matches? Are all out of reach because those are MAGIC. No, not so much and we'll get there soon, kid.

This morning's car ride to daycare involved chatter about reading street addresses, rockets, spilling chocolate milk on yourself and eating your breakfast before we get there. Also, put your rocket up with your lunchbox while you're eating - and if I break it, I'm going to get a big timeout, you betcha.

What a difference.

Also, identifying Mommy and Daddy now has the filip of Mommy and Daddy are Jim and Donna as opposed to being new Mommy and Daddy. Foster Mommy and Daddy are now clearer in his head - and to him, right now? They were his first family. The idea of there being any others isn't there yet. And I think it'll be after age 8 or so before that really 'takes' as a concept, developmentally. I can see the glints of it already - I mean, the whole idea of telling me somebody else said it was okay? So smart, kid. Go ahead and try that again. Right on target.

He's having fun figuring out grandparents right now. Who is what, and who is older and all that. For me, not being constantly at odds with him is a relief beyond measure. Dad still has a ways to get here, but for now? The constant is you don't try it with Mom. And plainting for Dad when Mom has said No only gets you more of Mom and less of Dad. Not a popularity contest, this parenting gig.

But I can do more with less vocal volume and physical stuff - and by that, I mean sitting him in time out, or moving him away from what he was told not to. This kid was spanked - finding that out what not happy making because in those few instances when it was a life level error - and you DO get physical - the reaction was a shock. 'Oh, you mean it then? Okay.' Instant compliance. WTF. Kid, I am not supposed to WIN, here.

That, coupled with instant aggressive behavior after watching Power Rangers (we'd had to take it off the viewing list TWICE now), anything martial arts related, etc.? I have a very competitive little boy who is measuring himself up on that scale - which again, is right on target. As I've said, I think I might just be 'getting' this kid - a bit. Martial Arts training? In a few years. And with a group that will work with me as tight as Jim does as a partner. I don't like your style, you are DONE. It'll be too important and pivotal.

They'd jolly well better do car washes and stuff. Just saying. And yes, I think he'll be very good at it. When we're above the age of reason, folks. Not until then.

Work in progress, moving forward and all that. So far, so good.

For the record, if my kid tells you 'Daddy said I could - ' - no. No, Daddy did not say anything about whatever it was - matter of fact, he wasn't even consulted.

If you hear 'Mommy said I could - ' - um, guys. Mommy NEVER says he can do anything. For the record. That appears to be a line in my job description these days.

I'm also trying a different tact with the videogames and such - my kid aspires to be as big a Pokemon geek as his Dad, so trying to eliminate the games is really asking for more work with less returns in our environment. Yes, Dad finally beat him in a fair fight and the results were amazing. I had to remind Dad his kid is 5 and he's nearly 50. I had to hand out tea and sympathy to the kid. I then told kid Dad is *very* good at this and if he wanted to learn something, he needed to pay attention and not just get upset when Dad beat him (Soundly, I might add.) Dad can teach you a lot about this. You need to pay attention and not just try to win.

I've also tabled all final four runs for the time being - kid does them so often, he can do four of them in an hour. Using the same Pokemon constantly - with Jim's method (you buy enough stuff to keep your guys from fainting and grind grind grind), he's leveled up his favorites to 100. Guess what. Kid has ego issues - he likes winning. A lot.

Kid, you have other things to do. Trouble is, they're not as easy. The latest version actually has some pretty tough side games to do - mostly hide and seek related. He was given one of those yesterday - and clearly told he could do THAT or put the game up. When it got hard? He plainted for 'where are my other games?' and when thwarted, quit and started up the oldest one, the old Ruby Advance game still in the DS.

He lost the DS for the rest of the day. He cried. I hugged him, told him he had disobeyed me and done exactly what I had told him not to do. And he got caught. Then put him down and showed him all his other toys. The crocodile tears ended pretty quick. ^^

I've also introduced him to the online games as an alternative. They really are more hand-eye and less battle-oriented, plus you get strokes for being smart as opposed to having the biggest stick in your hand.

Time to redirect the focus.

I've also noticed kid attempting to see what would happen if he got destructive - which is new for him - and I have to believe it's coming from a good place, not a bad one. I didn't have the toddler that opened jars of powder and goo and spread them all over everything, or drew on the walls with markers or snapped all the CDs. But I think I will have the kindergardener who will poke holes in things with other things to see if it's possible. Stick fingers in sliding doors. Matches? Are all out of reach because those are MAGIC. No, not so much and we'll get there soon, kid.

This morning's car ride to daycare involved chatter about reading street addresses, rockets, spilling chocolate milk on yourself and eating your breakfast before we get there. Also, put your rocket up with your lunchbox while you're eating - and if I break it, I'm going to get a big timeout, you betcha.

What a difference.

Also, identifying Mommy and Daddy now has the filip of Mommy and Daddy are Jim and Donna as opposed to being new Mommy and Daddy. Foster Mommy and Daddy are now clearer in his head - and to him, right now? They were his first family. The idea of there being any others isn't there yet. And I think it'll be after age 8 or so before that really 'takes' as a concept, developmentally. I can see the glints of it already - I mean, the whole idea of telling me somebody else said it was okay? So smart, kid. Go ahead and try that again. Right on target.

He's having fun figuring out grandparents right now. Who is what, and who is older and all that. For me, not being constantly at odds with him is a relief beyond measure. Dad still has a ways to get here, but for now? The constant is you don't try it with Mom. And plainting for Dad when Mom has said No only gets you more of Mom and less of Dad. Not a popularity contest, this parenting gig.

But I can do more with less vocal volume and physical stuff - and by that, I mean sitting him in time out, or moving him away from what he was told not to. This kid was spanked - finding that out what not happy making because in those few instances when it was a life level error - and you DO get physical - the reaction was a shock. 'Oh, you mean it then? Okay.' Instant compliance. WTF. Kid, I am not supposed to WIN, here.

That, coupled with instant aggressive behavior after watching Power Rangers (we'd had to take it off the viewing list TWICE now), anything martial arts related, etc.? I have a very competitive little boy who is measuring himself up on that scale - which again, is right on target. As I've said, I think I might just be 'getting' this kid - a bit. Martial Arts training? In a few years. And with a group that will work with me as tight as Jim does as a partner. I don't like your style, you are DONE. It'll be too important and pivotal.

They'd jolly well better do car washes and stuff. Just saying. And yes, I think he'll be very good at it. When we're above the age of reason, folks. Not until then.

Work in progress, moving forward and all that. So far, so good.