w00t w00t booyah

Kid's school issues? Because the old school *required* us to come in for a conference during my working hours, and *because* they required me to remove my kid from their school less than a week later (with NO effort on their part as agreed in that conference, that's one of many reasons why I fired them) - I've then had to take more time away from work to deal with testing, etc.

The running total of how much it's cost us? See icon above.

Literally, it's more than the tuition was for January.

I should be grateful. If this had come down last summer, it would have cost me my job. No, no really. Because I changed jobs and the new gig starts later - I can swing the late starts and working from home for old gig - temporarily. All of this, very temporary. I am grateful. People are understanding. To a point.

Oh, they want him to stay, so bad. They've got a guest teacher from Japan in his classroom right now and she adores Xander. And if I don't miss my guess, he's got a crush on her. It's very cute.

But things are disappearing from his backpack (not big things, not things he's missing overmuch), every teaching tool is a photocopy and he's the only Asian kid in the class.

If it's racist to notice race, I'm racist. Put that aside and let's consider something. Old nasty school was VERY Asian...one of their pros on the list. When I think back on the harping we got on how we weren't strict enough with him...and the fact we were one of the few Anglo parent pairs I knew of (I think I saw one other and they were Jewish)...I can put that on the back burner and let it simmer, maybe even forget it. All I can think of it the discussion about 'why wouldn't he want to please us MORE if?' that went on in that conference. Race was never discussed, you can't - that's against the law to discriminate, yanno - but I have to wonder. We're not Asian parents.

New school has Asian kids. Public school is nearly 100% Latino, and in his class right now he's the only one of him there is. He's come home talking about race since he started there - they notice. (Positive, but. It's a change.) Everything is in English and Spanish - that's not bad by itself, but it's noticeable. I'm really not up for another completely new language by immersion for kid - he's already done one, right? At this point, it's more for the parents - and if the kids are speaking Spanish so he doesn't know what they're saying about him? This is not learning the language anymore, is it?

And all I have to do is remember what George Takei said about being the only Asian he knew growing up. And how many kids came forward with that when Star Trek conventions came around - having other people like you around? It matters. A lot. It's not something I use as a hard-and-fast criteria, this is why we're doing THIS vs. THAT for that reason...but I ignore it at my peril, my privilege would make it easy to blow this one. I never had the experience of being the only one of me in my classes at school - EVERYONE looked like me. (You were Catholic? You were WEIRD.)

We're always going to have that one extra cog working, versus the other kids. Trying like hell not to make it noticeable or weigh it too heavily, but it's there.

@#$%! It's not like money is growing on trees around here. Why yes, I'd love to do this or that? What? Oh. Sorry. Can't.

That...is said a lot around here, and that's often the reason. The good news is that now I'm pass my probation - and sick time is available again. Three more months and I can use vacation time too.

Let's just hope I don't run out of either for stupid ass reasons like this again.

Guess who's a single parent until Monday?

Me!

How is it happening? Jim's been tapped to be on the collective bargaining committee (probably as an alternate) for the union at work - and needs to be schooled/trained, so he's in San Jose in digs we both know very well from Fanime. Um, he had lunch in the karaoke room today.

He's already there, having flown up this morning - and I insisted he take Xander to school and give a proper goodbye to reassure him he would be back, when and so forth.

To be blunt, I haven't gotten so many text messages in six months and we text a LOT over the course of a day about day-to-day what are we gonna do stuffs. We...haven't been separated much in ten years - I think this will be the longest we've been apart in a decade, easy.

He is absolutely giddy. And having a grand old time.

Kid and I? Gonna miss him like whoa. And not looking forward to bereft little boy who is having an acute Lack of Dadda.

Keep me in your thoughts - because in five minutes, my race home to get him from school, homework, feed and put to bed in one piece?

Begins.

Three days he's on travel. One at work after that.

Here we go.

It's Wednesday? Right. Three days in a row I've had to field phone call after phone call after making calls that don't get returned - all because kid's school? Just. Can't. COPE! Omg.

There's a conference on Friday. And I have said, very clearly in small words to them - there will be little improvement overnight, if any. Whatever you see, jump on it because this kid hasn't gotten a positive word since last week...if then. He's on as much restriction as I can put him on. We have both sat on him as hard as we possibly can.

I do not know why he is being so difficult for you. I really don't.

Looking up other school options - AGAIN - and really, just plain fed up at this point.

This morning, I had to be one of Those Moms. You know, the ones who act like their kid is Speshial Speshial OMG?

Well, I swallowed what little self-respect I have left and talked to the director of the school this morning when I dropped Xander off. Yesterday, he got sent to the office for throwing pencils in class - clarifying it this morning, it would appear it occurred at naptime. Okay.

One, he lost *all* privileges last night after school, and while I was out until 9 PM dealing with the religious social club (that's another post entirely), Jim got to deal with a bratty, bratty kid who got his homework done, fed and put to bed.

When I got home, I tucked him in and noted he was sleeping light - roused when I got there and ducked under the covers. Uh oh. Sure enough, he was awake at 2 AM this morning and nearly pushed us both out of our bed getting into it with us. And this morning, trying to get What Happened Yesterday out of him? The red flag went up - you know the one.

This is when I get down to his level and look him in the eye. My kid? Defaults to the sweetest kid you ever met - his first reaction is always kind, altruistic and thoughtful. He will throw things mainly to do 1) get your attention by being a rascally kid and it's play or 2) he's mad about something you said or did and he's getting even.

"My teacher said she wished I would go home and stay there."

OH.

So he got the company line - one, you don't throw anything at anybody. But two? If you are problems at school, you come tell me. I'm the final word, baby. Believe it.

So I went in and talked to the director this morning. I don't know what happened, I wasn't there. Could he have substituted the teacher for another kid? Sure! Could the whole thing be inference? You bet. But I also said - my kid is different. He doesn't match his parents, he's smaller than a lot of the kids he likes hanging out with -

One of Those Mommies.

But you know what I noticed the most? When I sat there and talked to my kid, I started using difference language - not the black and white you use with preschoolers, no this went into the gray areas of 'I know you're not telling me something and now we both know it' world of 'what do I tell whom, and who do I trust with it?' He's going to find that I won't tolerate lies and more so, won't tolerate 'I don't know' as an answer. You were there. You know what happened.

Yes, he does. And the fact I told him I had his back registered. I had a completely different conversation after that.

Looking at the calendar? Yup, he's seven more than six months early and that magical age of Reason is fast approaching. Magical in that this is when he acquires the ability to discern right and wrong, consequences beyond the next five minutes and a sense of his mortality and place in the world. It's also when a lot of adoptees really get slapped in the face with the sheer loss they've had - the transition is a fact, but really getting your head around the loss inherent, the fact you are different in a way only other adoptees are? Not looking forward to that part.

He's so smart. Platitudes probably won't last thirty seconds.

*SIGH* Love that kid. But you can't love away the adoption, and even I'm not stupid enough to try.

In the meantime, I'm glad it's throwing pencils - it's not throwing fists, cursing and fighting. It's the little things.

Someone call the Maury Show! Seriously? One reason of many I believe everyone has a basic right to know their origins. Period. I mean - it shouldn't be a privilege granted only to 'normal' people, and however your family configuration shakes out can't be a consideration.

Everyone comes into the world the same way. Fer the love of mud, document it all the same way. Honestly.

---

I had three whole days to find an hour to unpack the dolls out of storage. I didn't do it. Again. Throw things.

Nah.

I didn't get any more books read, or watched any more television - or took in any concerts or conventions - but we did get a look at a karate dojo we think will be a good fit for kid, so that's something, right?

Sunday, attempted snubs were attempted at church (oh please) - and I ended up with all of the communion elements when someone else took it upon themselves to go around leadership council and bring in the elements themselves. Well, okay. Jim turned the bread into bread pudding Monday night and it was delish. So there.

(Really. Lost a parent at 6, a spouse at 37, three house fires, three burglaries and I'm supposed to get angry NOW? *checks* Nope.)

I *did* install a startup config file on my Sims 2 game that will allow me to combine households above the 8 Sims per lot limit. My first attempt? Resulted in a lot with 13 Sims on it, with more on the way. Oh dear ghads, I love a challenge. Now let's see if the game will run long enough for me to play this lot....

Ran the iPod out of power often. Slept as much as I could. Cleaned house like a mad mad thing. We reap the rewards of our work the rest of this week, such as it is.

Kid is being tasked with napping at school this week. I see a trip by me to re-teach sleeping away from home this week - stay tuned.

First day with new teacher, new session? Well, he flunked naptime but that's all I got.

Yes, we need to step back up with the homework. It's Fall, surprise. No more summer school field trip nonsense, it's time for SCHOOL.

*ahem*

My kid ate it up.

He then came home, ate four pieces of pizza, sprawled across me in happy abandon and only gave me a moment's worry at bedtime and slept all night.

We actually overslept the alarm clock this morning. That NEVER happens and stop laughing.

So far. So good. So much better.

First day with new teacher, new session? Well, he flunked naptime but that's all I got.

Yes, we need to step back up with the homework. It's Fall, surprise. No more summer school field trip nonsense, it's time for SCHOOL.

*ahem*

My kid ate it up.

He then came home, ate four pieces of pizza, sprawled across me in happy abandon and only gave me a moment's worry at bedtime and slept all night.

We actually overslept the alarm clock this morning. That NEVER happens and stop laughing.

So far. So good. So much better.

I wish I had hated that school. Took kid in this AM to do a 'ride-along' (Jim will be there all day with him) at the Montessori school down in RPV, right on the ocean and OMG can you smell the money-ville.

Right now, I'm glad I don't have to commit to it. Because it was awesome. It's also more expensive, further away from home - will force a work schedule change, putting me home even later than I get there now and putting our work schedules even further out of sync than they are now. More expensive. In every way.

But damn, he did well. And I could see the wheels turning in that little head.

I also had to do the hated 'talking about me while I can hear you' stuff with teachers - about the adoption, about how smart I think he is...all those things, and I know he hates it. Well. Sorry.

But if they show us the door later this week - and this place will accept him - there are worse things. Not cheaper things, worse things.

I just wish I didn't have to think in those terms. Yanno?

He's so much better this week. If this is a teacher issue and not a school issue - well, bother it won't matter much. Current school only has one classroom per grade, a teacher issue IS a school issue.

I just wonder what the 'better' parent thing is. Better school fit and only sees me rested on the weekends - or the make it work fit and more present parent time?

Dither bother bah.

Okay. Two things happened yesterday.

One, school got a letter from therapist (at my urging) outlining kid being seen in a therapeutic environment, meeting criteria for separation anxiety.

Two, his teacher is on vacation and he has a substitute.

So...that means at the end of the day, the substitute decides kid is going on field trip tomorrow to go bumper bowling with the rest of his class.

Phone call, everything. They called both of us until they reached one of us. (Me? On phone dealing with appointments. Go figure.)

Jim already had the day off to take him to the new school to check them - so that had to be rescheduled, but. He's going along on field trip - he just can't ride the bus with kid to do it. I'm fine with that.

So - in one fell swoop, I have kid back on field trips and parent allowed to attend and observe. Note things one and two.

I've told Jim I want answers. Too good. Waaaay too easy, with the month and a half we've put in.

If this is a teacher issue, not a school issue - end result is the same, but I'm going to be even less impressed.

But - I hope kid has a great time. He's earned it.

Me? Waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Okay. Two things happened yesterday.

One, school got a letter from therapist (at my urging) outlining kid being seen in a therapeutic environment, meeting criteria for separation anxiety.

Two, his teacher is on vacation and he has a substitute.

So...that means at the end of the day, the substitute decides kid is going on field trip tomorrow to go bumper bowling with the rest of his class.

Phone call, everything. They called both of us until they reached one of us. (Me? On phone dealing with appointments. Go figure.)

Jim already had the day off to take him to the new school to check them - so that had to be rescheduled, but. He's going along on field trip - he just can't ride the bus with kid to do it. I'm fine with that.

So - in one fell swoop, I have kid back on field trips and parent allowed to attend and observe. Note things one and two.

I've told Jim I want answers. Too good. Waaaay too easy, with the month and a half we've put in.

If this is a teacher issue, not a school issue - end result is the same, but I'm going to be even less impressed.

But - I hope kid has a great time. He's earned it.

Me? Waiting for the other shoe to fall.