w00t w00t booyah

I asked someone to do a tarot reading for me. Basically said 'give me the next year' - results?

Well. See for yourself:

A 10 card spread, coming up


1) Present: Knight of Wands
Confidence and passion, a bold venture to undertake, but be wary you are not just cocky and foolhardy.

2) Immediate challenge: 2 of Wands
Use the power of your daring and inventiveness wisely.

3) Distant Past: Temperance

Balance, healing, harmony. These are things thata re fond memories now.

4) Recent Past: 6 of Swords

Journey, rite of passage, depression, barely staying above water, dealing with the effects of trauma. These things too are past, but they are more recent and may still be affecting the situation.

5) Best outcome: 5 of Cups

Partial loss, regrets, setbacks. But there is still some home, as only some of the cups are spilled. The rest still hold liquid.

6) Immediate Future: Queen of pentacles

Nuturing, practical, resopurceful. Your boldness will pay off, allowing you access to resources and the ability to be generous.

7) Factors in the situation: 9 of Swords

Nightmares. Doubt, guilt, all the stuff that keeps you awake at night

8) External influences: 3 of Swords

Heartbreak, abandonment, sorrow

9) Hopes and Fears: Death

Change, radical, change that marks your life and scars your mind. This does not mean someone will die, but everything around you will change.

10) Final Outcome: King of Pentacles.
Successful business, Support, adeptness, reliability.

Right now, you have the opportuinity to step forth boldly. But temper it with wisdom. No matter what you do, you're going to lose something. Hold on to the remembered balance, avoid the old depression. Let go of the doubt and guilt. The heartbreak comes from outside, but you can let go of the internal stuff. This is all going to be a complete change, and that is scary as all get out. Step out boldly and reap the rewards of the King of Pentacles.

---

*ahem* Well, then.

Today, this journal is ten years old.

"Gotta start somewhere



Whoo-hoo, the first entry. Boy, won't some folks be shocked.

Note to self: this is a party line. No posting about anything that party of the first part will not know about party of the second part. And so on and so forth.

*ahem*

I'm so terribly behind, music-wise. Will I ever catch up?"

What a long, strange trip it's been.

5,263 Journal Entries
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*whew*

What if you actually tried to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge?

Quickly and without effort I am perched on the rail, left arm gripping the beam beside me, right hand on the rail below, feet slightly swinging over water. Nothing between me and water now. Everything between me and the water below. I am coaching myself in my head. Thirty more years of the same? Is that really what you want, Sam? Isn’t it time? And I am not unconvinced. But there is as if a wall, and I can no more break through it with my weak flesh and soft bone than I can slip off this rail into the air.

First part of five. Man. I have to give props to the blogger for just putting this to print.

What if you actually tried to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge?

Quickly and without effort I am perched on the rail, left arm gripping the beam beside me, right hand on the rail below, feet slightly swinging over water. Nothing between me and water now. Everything between me and the water below. I am coaching myself in my head. Thirty more years of the same? Is that really what you want, Sam? Isn’t it time? And I am not unconvinced. But there is as if a wall, and I can no more break through it with my weak flesh and soft bone than I can slip off this rail into the air.

First part of five. Man. I have to give props to the blogger for just putting this to print.

I don't have the sexy attractiveness of a Water spirit, the light and free nature of Air or the hot-tongued frisson of Fire. To be blunt, I'm rather boring.

My element is Earth, sad to say. Come on, who'd admit to that? It's DIRT, for crying out loud.

I remain very grounded, stubborn and sure of myself (if only to myself) and my temper is hard to raise (but once it is, it can be as sudden and violent as a volcanic eruption, and just as destructive). I am where things go to die. In some cases, to be reborn into something new - providing a fertile place to grow, develop and move on. But in some cases, I am only where things go to end, in the hope that something better will come along.

Hey, you have to play to your strengths.

I've been keeping a journal here since 2002 - and some people, like seanan_mcguire have been on my friends list almost since its inception. Seanan was getting ready for BayCon, wrote about mishaps with Nair and I was hooked. Yes, she's THAT good. In the past year, I admit to no little amount of 'I could have told you that' regarding the three books released, not to mention the myriad other wonders this year has produced (Campbell Award? Yup.) - give her a chance, the merest opportunity and she'll be fine. Awesome, in fact. Solid, heartfelt, amazing and did I mention on time, dead-nuts reliable? Hard work on top of steely resolve - and so very terribly human at the same time. It's all her, and it's wonderful to see such effort rewarded.

But then I turn to Cat Valente (yuki_onna) the words fail me. See, when I first 'met' Cat (when you find someone to add to your friends list - do you actually 'meet' them?) and began reading what she was willing to journal, I'd often sit back with my chin in my hand and wonder where her story was going to go. I remember her distinct and well-earned hatred of Japan (in the midst of all my twee J-Pop, Pocky-lovin' fangirls, it was refreshing to have 'yes, I lived there and I HATED it' as a touchstone, because let's face it, she said WHY and it was verifiable), I remember when she got Sage...I remember her as a military wife, defending that choice, and then when the journal went silent, I remember wondering when I would hear her voice again, and what it would say when I did.

See, what I want for you? I want you to be happy. And I don't mean giddy and self-absorbed. I mean happy - fulfilled, empowered, secure - happy.

Cat wasn't any of that when the journal went quiet. I wasn't privy to the details and frankly, I didn't need to be to tell it was a very sad, angry and unsettled time. At best.

So I would take a deep breath, hope I would hear soon. She had a tiny boat, and the seas were so big. Such resolve. And brave, dear ghads.

But what came out of it. Oh, my.

Cat has always had a unique, lyrical writing voice - she writes beautiful poetry and her prose is intricate, fantastic and unlike any other.

There had been books, before. But then, out of these sad times came a book called The Orphan's Tales...and then a second one. Then Palimpsest...and a wedding, which had its first anniversary today.

And today is also the release day for her Prester John book, Habitation of the Blessed, which I remember consuming her whole last year while she worked on it.

What little I've been able to see from here says that this is a very different Cat than the one I met those years ago, and thank whatever deity you wish - I certainly do.

Not only does she work faithfully, constantly and diligently - folks, this lady works smart. The Omikuji Project, the wonderfully web-based crowd-funded Fairyland - all done with an eye to paying the bills, keeping her family afloat and to keep writing as a profession.

I am all about the Getting Paid, folks. You may want to be the next Agatha Christie, but if you don't get paid, you don't get to stay around to find out if you were ever good enough to make it happen. Anyway -

The closest words to how I feel when I see this. They use the words 'I am so proud of you.' Well, hell. I had nothing to do with it.

I think I'm just loving what I see here. Some days, patience is rewarded in the most astounding ways. Good things DO happen to someone who deserved it, who remained strong in the face of the uncertain, and stayed on course.

And as far as I tell, she's happy.

I can only wonder what tomorrow is going to bring me, with her name on it. If I like it or I don't, if it's my cup of tea or it isn't doesn't matter. Look at what she's done and how far she came in such a short amount of time.

Good for you. Good. For. You.

Now have a wonderful book-release day, happy anniversary (it's mine too, my ninth) and all that.

See you later.

I don't have the sexy attractiveness of a Water spirit, the light and free nature of Air or the hot-tongued frisson of Fire. To be blunt, I'm rather boring.

My element is Earth, sad to say. Come on, who'd admit to that? It's DIRT, for crying out loud.

I remain very grounded, stubborn and sure of myself (if only to myself) and my temper is hard to raise (but once it is, it can be as sudden and violent as a volcanic eruption, and just as destructive). I am where things go to die. In some cases, to be reborn into something new - providing a fertile place to grow, develop and move on. But in some cases, I am only where things go to end, in the hope that something better will come along.

Hey, you have to play to your strengths.

I've been keeping a journal here since 2002 - and some people, like seanan_mcguire have been on my friends list almost since its inception. Seanan was getting ready for BayCon, wrote about mishaps with Nair and I was hooked. Yes, she's THAT good. In the past year, I admit to no little amount of 'I could have told you that' regarding the three books released, not to mention the myriad other wonders this year has produced (Campbell Award? Yup.) - give her a chance, the merest opportunity and she'll be fine. Awesome, in fact. Solid, heartfelt, amazing and did I mention on time, dead-nuts reliable? Hard work on top of steely resolve - and so very terribly human at the same time. It's all her, and it's wonderful to see such effort rewarded.

But then I turn to Cat Valente (yuki_onna) the words fail me. See, when I first 'met' Cat (when you find someone to add to your friends list - do you actually 'meet' them?) and began reading what she was willing to journal, I'd often sit back with my chin in my hand and wonder where her story was going to go. I remember her distinct and well-earned hatred of Japan (in the midst of all my twee J-Pop, Pocky-lovin' fangirls, it was refreshing to have 'yes, I lived there and I HATED it' as a touchstone, because let's face it, she said WHY and it was verifiable), I remember when she got Sage...I remember her as a military wife, defending that choice, and then when the journal went silent, I remember wondering when I would hear her voice again, and what it would say when I did.

See, what I want for you? I want you to be happy. And I don't mean giddy and self-absorbed. I mean happy - fulfilled, empowered, secure - happy.

Cat wasn't any of that when the journal went quiet. I wasn't privy to the details and frankly, I didn't need to be to tell it was a very sad, angry and unsettled time. At best.

So I would take a deep breath, hope I would hear soon. She had a tiny boat, and the seas were so big. Such resolve. And brave, dear ghads.

But what came out of it. Oh, my.

Cat has always had a unique, lyrical writing voice - she writes beautiful poetry and her prose is intricate, fantastic and unlike any other.

There had been books, before. But then, out of these sad times came a book called The Orphan's Tales...and then a second one. Then Palimpsest...and a wedding, which had its first anniversary today.

And today is also the release day for her Prester John book, Habitation of the Blessed, which I remember consuming her whole last year while she worked on it.

What little I've been able to see from here says that this is a very different Cat than the one I met those years ago, and thank whatever deity you wish - I certainly do.

Not only does she work faithfully, constantly and diligently - folks, this lady works smart. The Omikuji Project, the wonderfully web-based crowd-funded Fairyland - all done with an eye to paying the bills, keeping her family afloat and to keep writing as a profession.

I am all about the Getting Paid, folks. You may want to be the next Agatha Christie, but if you don't get paid, you don't get to stay around to find out if you were ever good enough to make it happen. Anyway -

The closest words to how I feel when I see this. They use the words 'I am so proud of you.' Well, hell. I had nothing to do with it.

I think I'm just loving what I see here. Some days, patience is rewarded in the most astounding ways. Good things DO happen to someone who deserved it, who remained strong in the face of the uncertain, and stayed on course.

And as far as I tell, she's happy.

I can only wonder what tomorrow is going to bring me, with her name on it. If I like it or I don't, if it's my cup of tea or it isn't doesn't matter. Look at what she's done and how far she came in such a short amount of time.

Good for you. Good. For. You.

Now have a wonderful book-release day, happy anniversary (it's mine too, my ninth) and all that.

See you later.

That explosion and fire in San Bruno? I've mentioned that brother that doesn't talk to me, right? The one that's the superintendent of schools in .. gulp .. San Bruno?

Right.

He was a good boy and called his mother last night, so I know everyone is okay - SIL was thrown to the ground by the blast with such force they suspected fractured ankles - both of them - luckily, only sprained upon examination at the hospital. Deal with that on crutches, I dare you.

(Just got off the phone with Mom. Their house was spared, entirely. Out of danger, but they are surrounded by damage.)

So. There.

I'm finding this ruling on DADT oddly ironic, seeing as it was made in Riverside County, my old stomping grounds and hardly a hotbed of liberal renown. I'm rather chuffed, to be honest. Good for you! Here, have some cake.

And everyone - including me - missed it.

While I am certain I've been having one infectious URI after another - underlying everything has been something else.

Acid-reflux disease. If it had been something as simple as heartburn, I'd have noticed it - but the ENT I saw on Friday says 50% of his practice is what he calls 'silent' GERD.

That's stomach acid passing back up the throat, probably while I'm sleeping. Enough so that it's burned my throat, burned the larynx, and invaded the sinuses and eustachian tubes up into my ears. Hence, crunchy ears, constant cough and the sinus stuff? My sinuses are clear and perfectly healthy. Everything follows this like carts follow horses.

The guy sent a camera on a 12" cable down my nose to the back of my throat. We're sure.

It's twice daily acid-reduction medication (Prilosec, but I'm taking generics) for 3 months and re-evaluate.

I'm the only woman in the last three generations to have retained her gall bladder. I also have a mild case of scoli. I'm not grossly overweight - nowhere near my high water mark - but there's some to take off, so I'm doing it. I'm going to blame the GERD incidences on the constant coughing on the true URI's I've had, increased stress and really bad food options - but I'm grateful this is not having to wait until the end of April for a change in tactics.

My ears are still crunchy, I still have a healthy cough (which means I can't recheck BP until that subsides a bit more) and sore throat - but the fever is gone, and both of the former are much less than they were on, say, Wednesday of last week. I started medication on Friday.

And so we go. It's lovely to be able to breathe again.

And everyone - including me - missed it.

While I am certain I've been having one infectious URI after another - underlying everything has been something else.

Acid-reflux disease. If it had been something as simple as heartburn, I'd have noticed it - but the ENT I saw on Friday says 50% of his practice is what he calls 'silent' GERD.

That's stomach acid passing back up the throat, probably while I'm sleeping. Enough so that it's burned my throat, burned the larynx, and invaded the sinuses and eustachian tubes up into my ears. Hence, crunchy ears, constant cough and the sinus stuff? My sinuses are clear and perfectly healthy. Everything follows this like carts follow horses.

The guy sent a camera on a 12" cable down my nose to the back of my throat. We're sure.

It's twice daily acid-reduction medication (Prilosec, but I'm taking generics) for 3 months and re-evaluate.

I'm the only woman in the last three generations to have retained her gall bladder. I also have a mild case of scoli. I'm not grossly overweight - nowhere near my high water mark - but there's some to take off, so I'm doing it. I'm going to blame the GERD incidences on the constant coughing on the true URI's I've had, increased stress and really bad food options - but I'm grateful this is not having to wait until the end of April for a change in tactics.

My ears are still crunchy, I still have a healthy cough (which means I can't recheck BP until that subsides a bit more) and sore throat - but the fever is gone, and both of the former are much less than they were on, say, Wednesday of last week. I started medication on Friday.

And so we go. It's lovely to be able to breathe again.