w00t w00t booyah

Thanks for putting up with the Twitter consolidations - right now, that is where I am most prolific, largely because it's a real 'hit and done' environment. Now, to collect those for later perusal?

This is still the best place for that. August 29th was the last time I actually wrote a post here, huh? Okay.

Sis's divorce isn't final, but the house has been sold and the family split into two rental properties - only one of which I have contact information for. (Guess.) I still listen to crazy on a regular basis. But after throwing up my hands and giving in to simply being sad for a period of weeks (and if depression showed up to keep it company, well it did), I no longer want to end the world in fire (okay, just my sister) every time the subject comes up.

The sad arrived after I found out what the holidays were going to look like this year.

Nobody is coming. Nobody is going. There will be nothing. Even when Dad died, there was Christmas. Even when the house burned down. Went to Switzerland. Cliff almost died. Always.

Nope. Not coming to your house. (Even though I'm still opening the house on Christmas Eve. Bite me, you're not taking that from me.) Too far, too much work, lalala. Not for Thanksgiving (though that's not a real shock, neither lil' bro or Mom eats as a social occasion anymore, the diets they're on don't allow for much of it), but not for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years - nope. Not worth the work.

I was willing to put them up, entertain, do whatever was necessary - nope.

That smarts. And yes, I got very sad. I got better, but I had to stay there and really grok it for a while.

But that's it.

Family and I are getting on a train and going north for Thanksgiving. Christmas Eve is at my house, and if Christmas Day is spent at Disneyland? I can think of worse. Letting the simple indifference ruin me more is wrong. Nobody is trying to do me harm, they just don't care. (Didn't they say neglect was worse than abuse?)

Sis started sending text messages over the weekend - called me at work (I pushed it to VM) Friday - being chatty and buddy-buddy and I am *totally* creeped out. Well then - now that you've made sure nobody can hold you accountable in person (ex-BIL needs to notify her in writing before he even picks up kid, shared custody agreement notwithstanding, I said the crazy continues), I guess it's time to see if I'm going to accept the DNA card for more charges on account.

Nope. That account is overlimit, overdrawn and closed. Done. At some point, she is going to get her opportunity to tell me - perhaps - what the fuck she thought this was all about, but I have a heavy list of my own to levy as well. I seriously doubt the little tatters that are left will survive contact with it.

I'll do what I can for Mom, as I am able. The brothers - can find their own way, do not care anymore. When Mom is gone, so I am. So very done. Do I think any of them will notice? If they do, it'll smart a little - about as much as if I had actually died, perhaps. (Suicidal ideation happens around here when trying to find a way to pay bills. For attention? You're kidding, right?) Mom plaints about 'what happened?' and none of us will say - nobody wants her to know the work she did with Sis in high school didn't take.

My mother married twice; my mother was bankrupted by each of those men and has filed for protection twice. In spite of that, she raised four kids by herself, and between the four of us there are three bachelor degrees, two masters and a doctorate. And all of us work. (Except for Sis, at this point she claims to be self-employed except she doesn't work 15 hours a week, the documentation is there as part of court process.) All of us raised children, with various levels of success depending on the kid. Only one of us ended up in jail, and that was once and done and lil' bro has been in recovery ever since. When you remove the antagonist, we're resilient folks.

But second-best is out of here, guys. I'm not waiting anymore.

There are a couple of other places you can find me - tumblr has me in its passive-agressive paws, same name as here. You can also find me at turntable.fm in the I <3 70's room (last place I expected to land) during daylight hours. Facebook, tumblr with the ability to talk back to your insulter - the modern version of the slambook, pretty pictures and all. Ironically, Tumblr may have kicked me in the head hard enough to go back to writing anything - I'm seriously considering NanoWriMo this year (hell, there's no reason - NOTHING going on).

So, we'll see.

So. How about those Avengers?

"Dealing with folks over the weekend, finding myself out of step with the CW - wondering why plain speaking, openness and no secrecy was being taken so hard - then I remembered. I was married to Cliff Stapfer for nearly 15 years. You couldn't just say 'I love you' to that guy - he didn't believe you. You had to *prove* it - you couldn't break trust with that guy - it had been broken so often, so many ways you had to *build* it from scratch. My reward? His primary drive in life was to be fair. He trusted me - to him, that was love, and proof of love. When you love someone - you have to allow them to make choices you don't think are wise, do things you don't think are safe, because you have to trust them to make themselves happy. But you have to be able to trust them, and believe you will know the truth behind the why of those decisions (with Cliff, I always did). Cliff made me an honest, honest woman. He would accept nothing less than trust - complete, utter and total. Otherwise, you were just like every other person, family or otherwise, who had come in and said 'I love you' and hadn't meant it. To me, today? I tell the truth - and I tell everything, to everyone. I make no promises - they're like pie crust, made to be broken. I make commitments, and negotiate what is possible. If I say I will - that why I do it, regardless of any other motivation people ascribe to me. I won't tell you I will - if there's any chance I won't (or can't). And I miss Cliff so - but take him with me, everyday, everywhere I go. Believe it. Worth it. Every single day worth it."

Spent the whole day Saturday delivering goodies to people who weren't home to receive them - and then spent hours defending my parenting style, and why I was so "mean" to my sister at my mother's house.

Sis fired one across the bow over the 4th of July weekend, demanding that nobody speak to Brad or the kids about the divorce. One, you don't cut off all communication and then make demands. Two, you do NOT tell who I can talk to or what I can talk about when they are adults in their majority like I am.

So I had to take time away from what I was doing during AX to craft a rather good email back to her.

So I'm mean. I guess.

Largely for documentation sake. When I'm not blinded with rage, I am deathly worried for her. And that, is how they say, is that.

"Dealing with folks over the weekend, finding myself out of step with the CW - wondering why plain speaking, openness and no secrecy was being taken so hard - then I remembered. I was married to Cliff Stapfer for nearly 15 years. You couldn't just say 'I love you' to that guy - he didn't believe you. You had to *prove* it - you couldn't break trust with that guy - it had been broken so often, so many ways you had to *build* it from scratch. My reward? His primary drive in life was to be fair. He trusted me - to him, that was love, and proof of love. When you love someone - you have to allow them to make choices you don't think are wise, do things you don't think are safe, because you have to trust them to make themselves happy. But you have to be able to trust them, and believe you will know the truth behind the why of those decisions (with Cliff, I always did). Cliff made me an honest, honest woman. He would accept nothing less than trust - complete, utter and total. Otherwise, you were just like every other person, family or otherwise, who had come in and said 'I love you' and hadn't meant it. To me, today? I tell the truth - and I tell everything, to everyone. I make no promises - they're like pie crust, made to be broken. I make commitments, and negotiate what is possible. If I say I will - that why I do it, regardless of any other motivation people ascribe to me. I won't tell you I will - if there's any chance I won't (or can't). And I miss Cliff so - but take him with me, everyday, everywhere I go. Believe it. Worth it. Every single day worth it."

Spent the whole day Saturday delivering goodies to people who weren't home to receive them - and then spent hours defending my parenting style, and why I was so "mean" to my sister at my mother's house.

Sis fired one across the bow over the 4th of July weekend, demanding that nobody speak to Brad or the kids about the divorce. One, you don't cut off all communication and then make demands. Two, you do NOT tell who I can talk to or what I can talk about when they are adults in their majority like I am.

So I had to take time away from what I was doing during AX to craft a rather good email back to her.

So I'm mean. I guess.

Largely for documentation sake. When I'm not blinded with rage, I am deathly worried for her. And that, is how they say, is that.

It'll be three years ago the 19th that we arrived at LAX with Xander, and the only family we allowed to meet us at the airport was Sis - with a SpongeBob stuffie.

I can still see her face the moment she saw him for the first time.

She was wonderful. Absolutely everything I wanted for my son in a dear, devoted auntie.

And now he asks why we haven't been over to play at her house and when we're going to go next.

There are no answers. Well, nothing age-appropriate anyway.

Today, I was humbled to join the President at the White House to administer the oath of allegiance to 24 American service members as they became citizens of our nation. These men and women were born in 16 different countries, but they came to the United States sharing a common purpose, and chose to defend their adopted country even before they became citizens.

These men and women are shining examples of the energy, talent, and commitment that immigrants have always brought to our country. I am proud to call each of them fellow Americans.

And Arizona's Secretary of State cum Governor signs one of the worst examples in recent memory of why INS needed more funding and teeth twenty years ago (and this is not going to help).

I should also mention Arizona was a state being boycotted back when I was a teen because they failed to sign on for the Equal Rights Amendment. Not much has changed, sadly.

This...might get even more interesting if the protests get even more heated. I wonder how many people remember how many more guns are in the hands of both sides over there....

Didn't login. Not once. I just finished doing BACK=700+, so I'm pretty sure I saw it if you posted it.

While y'all were watching the last part of Avatar, I was at the movies seeing Hellboy II with betnoir and western_slope, after a verra tasty dinner at the new location for Jerry's Deli at the Del Amo Mall. Quick and dirty? I'm very pleased - the sequel is better than the original, is absolutely gorgeous in a wow, that's filthy dirty and AWESOME broken kind of way. Danny Elfman STAYS, man. Not only do I not notice it's his stuff when I hear it (John Williams? *eye roll* Lovely stuff, but he's as recognizable as Sousa whenever the stuff plays. Same octave ranges, same pacing, same orchestration...I'm dawdling), but he has a wicked sense of musical humor.

That, by itself, had me in gigglefits. Y'all go see it, tell me I can't spoil you and I'll say more.

Then went home and tried to stay up to watch the TiVo of Avatar. Got halfway...HALFWAY...and gave it up. That tired.

Was very good and waited for Jim to get home Sunday to finish it.

Best wrap up, EVAR.

One of the things that has always impressed me with this series is its attention to physical presence, movement in real space and while there is a lot of defying gravity (ya think), the A & P is Right There, there are different kinds of bodies, heights and musculatures...then choreograph the fights past punch punch kick poof. Gorgeous stuff.

Happy to see the lack of killing - and the attention the whole matter of taking one life to save millions got. (You don't kill anyone. Ever. Disarm them and toss them into a deep, dark hole? SURE!)

Everyone able to be paired up, paired up at the end. Best hug scenes in recent memory - and so many places to hang a 'look at this more closely' - this was some fine, grade A stuff.

I'd love to see what happens next. But - it's not likely we'll see what happens right after, of course. I've heard some chatter that there is a plan to tell the next story of the avatar, after Ang - but that's only smoke and whispers at this point. (Appa, the last of his kind? Say it isn't so!)

But to the drink list, I offer this addition:

AZULA:

Take a classic Bloody Mary and add Dave's Insanity Sauce.

...

I have been battling to keep my Sims2 game running long enough to play it. Problems began creeping in after a forced 'update' of Norton Internet Security changed the core program, making it load automatically at start up, and no option to disable it once loaded. Surprise. (I had to do away with any spyware programs for the same reason.)

I may also check my version of Direct X as well - the problem manifests in graphics issues, which are a known sore point for the laptop (I already turn the shaders off with boolprop on start up, I have a really sucky GEForce GO video card chip that just won't handle the load - the rest of the machine is just peachy for running the game) - but if I move too abruptly, the screen freezes and loses it's tiny little mind.

It sucks having to reboot, reload and replay the same lot three times, lemme tellya. It also takes - well, took - about half an hour to complete that process, and pick up where I left off again.

Disabled Norton last night, and the load takes fifteen minutes. I still have a bit of the graphics issue left, but as I said, I'm going to check the Direct X version as well.

So if I've been a little pre-occupied, there's your cause. I really HATE it when something doesn't work. And I know this game runs and runs well - and this has been an issue since AX, so you can't blame a hack. (BTW, InSIM? Just about flawless as far as additions go, has made dressing Sims MUCH easier in addition to never running out of maternity clothes again. Who knew so many of the everyday meshes were mapped for maternity use? Maxis, you lazy bums. Make it selectable!) Somebody over at MTS2 has added meshes for everything in the base pack, expansions and fun packs on top of it. I've been shooting a ton of pictures - some of the Nightlife stuff is hysterical when used for maternity clothes.

...

Guys, I went food shopping this weekend and about fainted. When apples are $2 a pound, that makes them fifty cents a piece. And nothing else was much less scary.

The cat rescue group I spoke to at Petsmart said that people are even bringing in their goldfish and dumping them in the tanks near the front of the store...someone left two fish that could easily have been ten years old each, they were that huge.

Let's not talk about the nine year old cat left in a taped up box with holes punched in it at the entrance of store, okay? How did they know her age? There was a note left with her.

Do I need to have the talk about the guy from Eagle Rock, back in the day before Clinton, who got arrested from animal cruelty? He was being evicted from his apartment, had two cats and his new place wouldn't allow him to take them with him. He was arrested when, after talking to every animal care and control agency for his area, and every rescue...that nobody would take the cats. He then took them into the back yard, apologized to them, and beheaded them with a machete. Nobody would help him.

I don't question why people are dumping their animals - or condemn them. The ones who had no consciences are DONE, folks. It's people up against the wall with no assistance possible who are tossing dogs over fences, sneaking fish into retail store tanks and leaving cats in cardboard boxes at the entrances.

Fair? There's a fair held in Pomona in August.

Going to get worse before it gets better. Hang onto your seat, Fred.

Didn't login. Not once. I just finished doing BACK=700+, so I'm pretty sure I saw it if you posted it.

While y'all were watching the last part of Avatar, I was at the movies seeing Hellboy II with betnoir and western_slope, after a verra tasty dinner at the new location for Jerry's Deli at the Del Amo Mall. Quick and dirty? I'm very pleased - the sequel is better than the original, is absolutely gorgeous in a wow, that's filthy dirty and AWESOME broken kind of way. Danny Elfman STAYS, man. Not only do I not notice it's his stuff when I hear it (John Williams? *eye roll* Lovely stuff, but he's as recognizable as Sousa whenever the stuff plays. Same octave ranges, same pacing, same orchestration...I'm dawdling), but he has a wicked sense of musical humor.

That, by itself, had me in gigglefits. Y'all go see it, tell me I can't spoil you and I'll say more.

Then went home and tried to stay up to watch the TiVo of Avatar. Got halfway...HALFWAY...and gave it up. That tired.

Was very good and waited for Jim to get home Sunday to finish it.

Best wrap up, EVAR.

One of the things that has always impressed me with this series is its attention to physical presence, movement in real space and while there is a lot of defying gravity (ya think), the A & P is Right There, there are different kinds of bodies, heights and musculatures...then choreograph the fights past punch punch kick poof. Gorgeous stuff.

Happy to see the lack of killing - and the attention the whole matter of taking one life to save millions got. (You don't kill anyone. Ever. Disarm them and toss them into a deep, dark hole? SURE!)

Everyone able to be paired up, paired up at the end. Best hug scenes in recent memory - and so many places to hang a 'look at this more closely' - this was some fine, grade A stuff.

I'd love to see what happens next. But - it's not likely we'll see what happens right after, of course. I've heard some chatter that there is a plan to tell the next story of the avatar, after Ang - but that's only smoke and whispers at this point. (Appa, the last of his kind? Say it isn't so!)

But to the drink list, I offer this addition:

AZULA:

Take a classic Bloody Mary and add Dave's Insanity Sauce.

...

I have been battling to keep my Sims2 game running long enough to play it. Problems began creeping in after a forced 'update' of Norton Internet Security changed the core program, making it load automatically at start up, and no option to disable it once loaded. Surprise. (I had to do away with any spyware programs for the same reason.)

I may also check my version of Direct X as well - the problem manifests in graphics issues, which are a known sore point for the laptop (I already turn the shaders off with boolprop on start up, I have a really sucky GEForce GO video card chip that just won't handle the load - the rest of the machine is just peachy for running the game) - but if I move too abruptly, the screen freezes and loses it's tiny little mind.

It sucks having to reboot, reload and replay the same lot three times, lemme tellya. It also takes - well, took - about half an hour to complete that process, and pick up where I left off again.

Disabled Norton last night, and the load takes fifteen minutes. I still have a bit of the graphics issue left, but as I said, I'm going to check the Direct X version as well.

So if I've been a little pre-occupied, there's your cause. I really HATE it when something doesn't work. And I know this game runs and runs well - and this has been an issue since AX, so you can't blame a hack. (BTW, InSIM? Just about flawless as far as additions go, has made dressing Sims MUCH easier in addition to never running out of maternity clothes again. Who knew so many of the everyday meshes were mapped for maternity use? Maxis, you lazy bums. Make it selectable!) Somebody over at MTS2 has added meshes for everything in the base pack, expansions and fun packs on top of it. I've been shooting a ton of pictures - some of the Nightlife stuff is hysterical when used for maternity clothes.

...

Guys, I went food shopping this weekend and about fainted. When apples are $2 a pound, that makes them fifty cents a piece. And nothing else was much less scary.

The cat rescue group I spoke to at Petsmart said that people are even bringing in their goldfish and dumping them in the tanks near the front of the store...someone left two fish that could easily have been ten years old each, they were that huge.

Let's not talk about the nine year old cat left in a taped up box with holes punched in it at the entrance of store, okay? How did they know her age? There was a note left with her.

Do I need to have the talk about the guy from Eagle Rock, back in the day before Clinton, who got arrested from animal cruelty? He was being evicted from his apartment, had two cats and his new place wouldn't allow him to take them with him. He was arrested when, after talking to every animal care and control agency for his area, and every rescue...that nobody would take the cats. He then took them into the back yard, apologized to them, and beheaded them with a machete. Nobody would help him.

I don't question why people are dumping their animals - or condemn them. The ones who had no consciences are DONE, folks. It's people up against the wall with no assistance possible who are tossing dogs over fences, sneaking fish into retail store tanks and leaving cats in cardboard boxes at the entrances.

Fair? There's a fair held in Pomona in August.

Going to get worse before it gets better. Hang onto your seat, Fred.

dracowayfarer, did you have this instructor for English while you were at UCR?

Wrote this fantastic book on values related to race.

Found dead in Long Beach - had been dead for days when he was found.

The irony of dying another statistic. When you assume death because of race...a popular, erudite college professor is not what comes to mind, is it?

CW factors in race and just shrugs.

(Check the percentage of while males that die by their own hand, by comparison. Most of them by firearm.)