w00t w00t booyah

Now, they want to do something over the holidays. And I'm the bad guy.

Riiiight.

This is me, shutting up now.

Thanks for putting up with the Twitter consolidations - right now, that is where I am most prolific, largely because it's a real 'hit and done' environment. Now, to collect those for later perusal?

This is still the best place for that. August 29th was the last time I actually wrote a post here, huh? Okay.

Sis's divorce isn't final, but the house has been sold and the family split into two rental properties - only one of which I have contact information for. (Guess.) I still listen to crazy on a regular basis. But after throwing up my hands and giving in to simply being sad for a period of weeks (and if depression showed up to keep it company, well it did), I no longer want to end the world in fire (okay, just my sister) every time the subject comes up.

The sad arrived after I found out what the holidays were going to look like this year.

Nobody is coming. Nobody is going. There will be nothing. Even when Dad died, there was Christmas. Even when the house burned down. Went to Switzerland. Cliff almost died. Always.

Nope. Not coming to your house. (Even though I'm still opening the house on Christmas Eve. Bite me, you're not taking that from me.) Too far, too much work, lalala. Not for Thanksgiving (though that's not a real shock, neither lil' bro or Mom eats as a social occasion anymore, the diets they're on don't allow for much of it), but not for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years - nope. Not worth the work.

I was willing to put them up, entertain, do whatever was necessary - nope.

That smarts. And yes, I got very sad. I got better, but I had to stay there and really grok it for a while.

But that's it.

Family and I are getting on a train and going north for Thanksgiving. Christmas Eve is at my house, and if Christmas Day is spent at Disneyland? I can think of worse. Letting the simple indifference ruin me more is wrong. Nobody is trying to do me harm, they just don't care. (Didn't they say neglect was worse than abuse?)

Sis started sending text messages over the weekend - called me at work (I pushed it to VM) Friday - being chatty and buddy-buddy and I am *totally* creeped out. Well then - now that you've made sure nobody can hold you accountable in person (ex-BIL needs to notify her in writing before he even picks up kid, shared custody agreement notwithstanding, I said the crazy continues), I guess it's time to see if I'm going to accept the DNA card for more charges on account.

Nope. That account is overlimit, overdrawn and closed. Done. At some point, she is going to get her opportunity to tell me - perhaps - what the fuck she thought this was all about, but I have a heavy list of my own to levy as well. I seriously doubt the little tatters that are left will survive contact with it.

I'll do what I can for Mom, as I am able. The brothers - can find their own way, do not care anymore. When Mom is gone, so I am. So very done. Do I think any of them will notice? If they do, it'll smart a little - about as much as if I had actually died, perhaps. (Suicidal ideation happens around here when trying to find a way to pay bills. For attention? You're kidding, right?) Mom plaints about 'what happened?' and none of us will say - nobody wants her to know the work she did with Sis in high school didn't take.

My mother married twice; my mother was bankrupted by each of those men and has filed for protection twice. In spite of that, she raised four kids by herself, and between the four of us there are three bachelor degrees, two masters and a doctorate. And all of us work. (Except for Sis, at this point she claims to be self-employed except she doesn't work 15 hours a week, the documentation is there as part of court process.) All of us raised children, with various levels of success depending on the kid. Only one of us ended up in jail, and that was once and done and lil' bro has been in recovery ever since. When you remove the antagonist, we're resilient folks.

But second-best is out of here, guys. I'm not waiting anymore.

There are a couple of other places you can find me - tumblr has me in its passive-agressive paws, same name as here. You can also find me at turntable.fm in the I <3 70's room (last place I expected to land) during daylight hours. Facebook, tumblr with the ability to talk back to your insulter - the modern version of the slambook, pretty pictures and all. Ironically, Tumblr may have kicked me in the head hard enough to go back to writing anything - I'm seriously considering NanoWriMo this year (hell, there's no reason - NOTHING going on).

So, we'll see.

So. How about those Avengers?

From the first post of this journal:

"No posting about anything that party of the first part will not know about party of the second part. And so on and so forth."

In whole, NO SECRETS. Nothing that anyone walking across my path would not already know - no secret tryst, trusts or scheming.

And this has been where I can talk freely about what bugs me. You didn't know, you weren't paying attention. Or - you told me to shut up, I didn't know what I was talking about, my opinion wasn't valued...the list can grow, at this point it matters very little.

This is my space. It has been for ten years. I've done good things with it - indifferent and truly SILLY things with it - but I can go back and look at this thing and see where life events have taken me, written before the ways came and took us where they did.

And...all things willing, will continue to do so.

So. Let me, for the record, collect posts on a specific subject. Heck, take the first year.

Let me introduce you to my family, and in particular...my older sister.

Who we are, and what I thought of us.

If there was a seminal event to lead to where Sis is today, here it is. Damn. Follow on....and some more....Sis, you were a lucky girl.

Secrets. And how they grew.

Don't try to fool Mom.

When Sis lost the sight in one eye.

Sharing is caring...unless you're my sister and then it's wrong.

This one is locked...for good reason.

They still have the cat and the fact this was all happening when the kids were this small? Sad makings.

Velvet paws that hide the sharpened claws....

Beware bringing me your drama.

I'm a good sister, really I am.

People reconcile. My tale of the most unlikely I've ever known.

Another locked one, but noted. BIL starts commuting to work in STL from LAX.

No Mom, I didn't know.

The 80's. It's worth noting in passing.

Sis...and the holidays. They never did mix well, did they. This part is unlocked.

Stuff that worked with me, foundered with my sister.

Getting ready to move to Torrance from Ontario, I clean my garage.

We find our current home, our little house of dreams.

Easter at Sis' house always was a risk.

A Mother's Day.

Twenty-somethings may rule popular culture and fashion, but seventy-somethings rule the world -

There were times...sadly, few of them.

This was more typical.

Don't get used to it.

A man of infinite jest - I worked with Bob Hope once.

Hidden treasures.

Talk to me. I talk back. Simple.

In the pool with you!

Your schedule. Not ours.

Used as a scratching post.

Therapy for depression.

Something typical, but updates on Sis.

Jim's parents divorced...

*SIGH* This is 2003. My Sis' kids adore Jim; they tolerate me. Follow on...oh shit, she was 15 too. What IS it about that age in girls?

I tend to give 'difficult' people room for medical causes...here's why.

Doing the dance of deception....

First Thanksgiving at my house.

BIL's second youngest brother passes.

And I have to tell the Master's in Social Work this?!

And that was essentially the first year of journalling here. There's nine more to go.

No, I was not always fair or kind - not even accurate, if I go back and recheck the facts but that was what I knew at the time I put it down.

If you keep going, you read more and time passes - that's what reading back over journal entries is all about.

Today, I don't get that many words down on a daily basis - I'm faster on Twitter and Facebook and more prolific there. I've started a Tumblr, but it really just reposts things from other Tumblrs...without commenting on them. Passive aggressive internets for the win. 9_9

It might do me more good to write more, methinks. It was also interesting to note the issues with old gig went further back than the summer of 2008 - *shakes head.* I so didn't want to leave that one - I really did stick out as long as I could, didn't I?

And the beat goes on.

25 years ago, it was a dirt lot without even a road leading to it.

Today, it's fast cash. Yup. That's Sis' house - on the market, priced for a fast sale.

I'm out of things to say anymore.

And no...not a word from her. Rude text messages, avoidance (she's even unfriended me on Facebook) and absolute granola-grade flaking out.

When I'm not livid, I'm terrified.

Good grief, people.

I mean it - and completely without context because some folks just can't handle context.

But good grief people. Grow the FUCK up.

Good grief, people.

I mean it - and completely without context because some folks just can't handle context.

But good grief people. Grow the FUCK up.

Why San Francisco HATES Los Angeles.

Stow, a father of two from Santa Cruz, remained in a medically induced coma at Los Angeles County-USC Medical Center on Tuesday, according to a spokewoman for the hospital.

Police said Stow was one of three Giants fans attacked after Thursday's game by two men dressed in Dodgers clothing. The men kicked and punched the victims, shouting expletives about the Giants as they delivered the blows, according to police. Police said the attack was unprovoked.

Reward, sheeyit. I find these guys, you can have 'em - FOR FREE.

It's as if someone decided that corner needed a stop sign, after too many people had been killed in the crosswalk by negligent traffic.

I can't put the links up fast enough.

We 'idiot' liberals have been saying this for years - the amount of vitriol, pure spite and wanton calls for violence in 'conservative' dialog has been overwhelming, unattractive and in a lot of cases? Just plain scary.

(For folks who really just want to be left alone to live quietly at peace, returning the same in kind never made sense. We just don't have it in us. So we turned it off, and allowed those their first amendment rights. Hey, set an example, right?)

It became such an integral part of our popular culture, some unhinged idiot decided to take them up on it.

Of course, you assign all responsibility to the person who pulled the trigger. But the amount of scrambling on the parts of those who said the words, made the threats, directed the actions...DROVE THE BUS...to remove, scrub, deny and reframe everything ever said, claimed or supported?

Cowardly. And it's pretty clear the message is 'it's okay as long as you don't get caught' - and well, it's too late.

Folks are going to remember - at least us 'idiots' do, because in a lot of cases we must. If someone decides we don't deserve our lives because we are the wrong color, religion, gender - pick a feature - we could be killed by someone who took it upon themselves to decide it needed doing. For whatever reason.

It only takes one guy with a gun - and these days? The guns are really good.

Removing stigma, prejudice, discrimination from groups isn't only to make working environments fair and equitable (thought that's required by law), or to give underprivileged groups a hand up. It's not only to make everything accessible and fair that we allow everyone to use the same public facilities, attend the school or church of their choice or live where they want.

It also makes clear what is acceptable in this society. Where you start when you think about what's okay when you don't agree.

When too many people sneer at such things as 'weak' and show their resolve by claiming only armed resistance is the final answer to any dispute?

No surprise when it comes to pass.

You get the world you ask for, my friends.

Oh, and by the way? It's asshattery to wonder why someone didn't get mental health services in the same breath you're screeching to repeal what little health care reform has been accomplished, standing in the state that repealed assistance to the point people are dying for lack of it. Just saying.

It's as if someone decided that corner needed a stop sign, after too many people had been killed in the crosswalk by negligent traffic.

I can't put the links up fast enough.

We 'idiot' liberals have been saying this for years - the amount of vitriol, pure spite and wanton calls for violence in 'conservative' dialog has been overwhelming, unattractive and in a lot of cases? Just plain scary.

(For folks who really just want to be left alone to live quietly at peace, returning the same in kind never made sense. We just don't have it in us. So we turned it off, and allowed those their first amendment rights. Hey, set an example, right?)

It became such an integral part of our popular culture, some unhinged idiot decided to take them up on it.

Of course, you assign all responsibility to the person who pulled the trigger. But the amount of scrambling on the parts of those who said the words, made the threats, directed the actions...DROVE THE BUS...to remove, scrub, deny and reframe everything ever said, claimed or supported?

Cowardly. And it's pretty clear the message is 'it's okay as long as you don't get caught' - and well, it's too late.

Folks are going to remember - at least us 'idiots' do, because in a lot of cases we must. If someone decides we don't deserve our lives because we are the wrong color, religion, gender - pick a feature - we could be killed by someone who took it upon themselves to decide it needed doing. For whatever reason.

It only takes one guy with a gun - and these days? The guns are really good.

Removing stigma, prejudice, discrimination from groups isn't only to make working environments fair and equitable (thought that's required by law), or to give underprivileged groups a hand up. It's not only to make everything accessible and fair that we allow everyone to use the same public facilities, attend the school or church of their choice or live where they want.

It also makes clear what is acceptable in this society. Where you start when you think about what's okay when you don't agree.

When too many people sneer at such things as 'weak' and show their resolve by claiming only armed resistance is the final answer to any dispute?

No surprise when it comes to pass.

You get the world you ask for, my friends.

Oh, and by the way? It's asshattery to wonder why someone didn't get mental health services in the same breath you're screeching to repeal what little health care reform has been accomplished, standing in the state that repealed assistance to the point people are dying for lack of it. Just saying.

I just nudged a buttload of people. Yo, my bad. Hey, I miss you guys.

RANT MODE=ON

A standout season has done plenty to calm the controversy surrounding quarterback Michael Vick. But President Obama's praise of the Philadelphia Eagles for giving the convicted dogfighter a second chance has brought new energy to an old firestorm.

You know, if you say anything about Michael Vick, you are asking for a major flaming. Seriously. There is very little middle ground when discussing all the circumstances surrounding him.

Well, flame on, says I. Go right ahead. Have a weenie roast while you're at it.

Outside of making a case against yourself, projecting your issues onto the wider stage and basically using a public figure to make your personal arguments, this isn't doing a single dog any good, making Vick another dollar or bringing a football team any more publicity that it could do all on its own.

There are a lot of people who think Vick should be killed for what he did.

That's not an option.

That he shouldn't be making a dime off his chosen profession. (Tonya Harding, anyone?)

People want to get paid, folks. Also, off the table.

He's never going to get another chance to do it again, guys. Let alone want to, need to or be any party to a single dogfight ever again. You remember that warning about your life only serving to be a warning to others? Yeah. That.

I doubt I'd walk across the street to tell him this, though. Nope, don't want to.

The dogs that survived the experience - which normally, would have been put down 'as a matter of policy' if they had been in Los Angeles? Jim Gorant wrote a book on them. 49 out of 51 are homed, often within families. Amazing. (But not altogether so if you know anything about the breed. Pibbles are incredible.)

We are giving the dogs more opportunity for rehabilitation than we are the people involved. Don't you think that's a little uneven? At least?

You want to castigate Vick, go right ahead. While you're at it, call out the people who run puppy mills for profit, okay? (My personal peeve.)

Find some money for the local shelter. All the ones near me - and all the rescues - are so impacted it's beyond reason.

It's easy to vilify Vick. So easy. It's harder to do something useful, going forward. Why, that would be WORK, for crying out loud.

So have your entertainment at the expense of a public figure who is clearly identified, tried and convicted (but served his time - more than I would have expected, but that's a story for another day) for things that are a matter of public record, and are not discussed around children. That awful.

Go for it.

When you're done? Do something useful with the time you have left over. Thanks.

RANT MODE=OFF