w00t w00t booyah

Some tweets I did yesterday....

In other news, Sis just called me and told me she's quit. First time I've heard from her since Christmas and it's to tell me she's done.

I wish I could make this shit up. She doesn't want any more phone calls. And definitely nothing about Mom. For six months. Ooookay.

(She hasn't returned a phone call in over four months, mind.) Okay. Good thing I'm going out to Mom's house this weekend, neh?

And like, I was already doing it, okay? She might have known if she - idk - RETURNED PHONE CALLS. #notbitter

*blows air* My idea of being busy - and the rest of the world's? Totally different thing entirely. #addsaplatetotheonesalreadyspinning

The fun part is one brother isn't used to calling me, and the other one hasn't spoken to me in nearly ten years. #fun

You know, it's bad enough to have toxic parents (the one I had, at least did me the favor of dying instead of living as a violent drug addict during ALL of my childhood instead of just the early years before age 7), but I had to end up with a sister who must be the center of attention, must direct traffic to her liking, must control the dialogs...until she's simply fed up with people in general and won't even return phone calls. On things she wanted from you. Insisted on. I'd be gobsmacked except she's done this all our lives. It's just bend over, here it comes again -

Except now, it's over Mom - and her care, which she has been very clear is Not To Be Fucked With. Except it's okay if she does it.

I...really haven't been kept in the loop on what's going on, day to day out there - between lil' bro and Sis, there wasn't any call or need for me (and I'm an idiot, no ask anyone).

Lil' bro called me a few weeks ago asking for some help putting dinners in the freezer for Mom, I did some research and came quickly to the conclusion the best plan was for me to just come out - so, I just went ahead and made those plans because...lil' bro asked me to just handle it. Well, sure! Not research? Not contract? You really want me to...I dunno, DO SOMETHING?

Sure. Jeez. Easy-peasy. Just dedicate a day and get it done.

Did I call Sis? She hasn't returned a call in four months. No.

So she calls me yesterday to quit. And it's all everything else - not her. Gosh, wish I could blame my funk on everyone else and stop taking phone calls. "You three are all secondary on Mom's POA - you're going to handle things. Don't call me."

Gods, I could snark. I've been telling her to redirect some of the work to me. I've been setting aside time for her to discuss Mom's care, I've written lists...made suggestions, researched options...none of it good enough, of course but you have to make the effort....

Every time, I think it's going to be different.

Just trying to find a place for it - again. I really don't know what I'm going to find when I get there, but the goal this Saturday is to 1) get meal planning into reality and 2) back it up with resources. Like, dinners in the freezer for 30 days and menus supporting them.

I know how to do this. Why...*throws up hands* *blows air*

Going to Hemet Saturday. Early. As soon as I know more, I'm sure I'll feel better about it - but I have to feel for Mom at this point. Just too much work, too bad so sad.

As I was telling Rey today - there are some things I just won't do, because she does them. One of them is that I always answer the phone. I USE THE GODDAMN PHONE, OKAY? (Make me crazy angry? Don't return calls. Promise.)

You ever wonder why I won't consider a career of any stripe in social work. Sis has that profession - I don't want *anything* near it unless she leaves it first.

I want to stick a banana in her tailpipe. SO BAD. (Anything else ain't worth the jail time.)

According to my mother, I'm too old. Name it, and I'm now too old for it.

Honestly. When I hit 30, it was with a cry of joy that I wasn't too young for ANYTHING anymore.

Because - yeah, that. Want to do something? Too young.

If you wonder how I developed such selective hearing and why 'don't listen to that shit' rolls off my lips so easily?

There you go.

Getting off the phone with Mom yesterday, I had to step back and whoa a second.

I knew her memory was getting a bit spotty - and some of the Big Things I remember as a kid? Nope. Gone with the Schwinn.

I wouldn't mind so much, except the first response is 'you're making it up.'

UH.

I'll admit I can make up a lot of things - and do a pretty bang up job of it. But a really money-poor, so broke there was no heat or lights or phone a number of times childhood?

Who the heck would make that up. *buhs*

I've got a call into Sis - just to check my work. I mean - I'll bite. I can be wrong - but consistently, into detail? Kinda raised a red flag.

*marks on the wall*

*sighs*

Getting off the phone with Mom yesterday, I had to step back and whoa a second.

I knew her memory was getting a bit spotty - and some of the Big Things I remember as a kid? Nope. Gone with the Schwinn.

I wouldn't mind so much, except the first response is 'you're making it up.'

UH.

I'll admit I can make up a lot of things - and do a pretty bang up job of it. But a really money-poor, so broke there was no heat or lights or phone a number of times childhood?

Who the heck would make that up. *buhs*

I've got a call into Sis - just to check my work. I mean - I'll bite. I can be wrong - but consistently, into detail? Kinda raised a red flag.

*marks on the wall*

*sighs*

Talked to Mom this morning (there's now been 1.5 business days since Christmas) - and all is well, and nobody is frazzled.

So far, she isn't anemic enough to be on medication for it - but it also appears the paperwork is in, should she need it in the future. I got nothing to worry about today - even little brother got seen for a nasty dental issue that had me a bit worried as well.

Sis remains one of the most complex, difficult relationships I navigate on a regular basis. *closes book on another chapter.*

Random notes from this morning -

My yuletide story wasn't hated. Points for me. *whew* I finished early, didn't beta it. Didn't READ it through more than once or twice, and I did it in two sittings after thinking it through (and watching all of the source material again) for a few weeks prior.

I thought the deadline was November 19th. I'll know better next year. I can take my time and do more next year.

My request not only generated a story - but three stocking stuffers! Yay! (And they were all good, more yay.)

I found all that out this morning, which helped immensely after getting beat up yesterday at Sis' house. Christmas Day started out fine - until Mom wanted me to see something regarding the prescription assistance programs...and Sis got offended and put an end to it. I've mentioned that Mom brings me stuff she 1) doesn't want Sis to know about and 2) stuff she's worried about (and doesn't want Sis to know about).

I had to write the nasty gram to Sis last night when I got home. I'm done. I keep assuming Mom is keeping Sis in the loop on what she talks to me about...and she's not. And since Sis is primary pointman on Mom's care - I may not know everything that's been discussed, planned and put into action.

Both my sibs are really concerned about Mom's status, primarily the anemia that the epoetin alfa (Procrit, Epogen) has been written for. I did find out that two of her team have written for it - and one in a dosage that is just WTF out of the ballpark. (And about a grand a week to pay for.) Sis told her (not speaking to me, over my head to Mom, like I'm not sitting there) that she's going to request assistance (and I guess she thinks we'll get it - she's the one who does hospice, so I think she'd know) but in the meantime, they're waiting for the last round of bloodwork results to decide if they need it. If it's indicated for yesterday, she's going to pay for it (and get reimbursed later). Hello - a grand a week pay for it. Yes, Sis approached me at Thanksgiving about this. I'll find something, but it won't be a drop in this ocean. What have I been doing since Thanksgiving? Looking for other prescription assistance programs to help out. I had sent information on a third one to Mom - she lost it - and in chatting with Mom coming into the holiday, I asked if anything had come of it.

So Mom brings me what she has on the other two programs and Sis goes off like we're going behind her back and making decisions again. (Did Sis tell me about the waiting on bloodwork? Uhhhhh.)

I've advised Sis she's getting everything I find first, from now on. And I went home as soon as reasonably possible.

Why...WHY...does everything turn into some contest when Sis is involved? Talk about stupid. (BTW, SIS WINS EVERY TIME. Family, marriage, career, education, house, friends...you name it. She might as well win an argument with a four year old - it's the same thing when you stack it up her vs. me. Why she bothers, I'll never know. I'm not interested in "winning" anything. I don't even want to play.)

So, feeling a little battered. (Okay, a LOT battered. I came home, and continued reading a book Jim got me for Christmas - Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew - and that was less depressing.)

You just gotta love the holidays. Yeah, I'm out to sabotage your authority, Sis. Yeah, sure. *eyeroll* I got nothing else to do.

What I find ironic as hell is that Mom's getting all of Cliff's renal issues, and Sis got all of Cliff's vision issues - and both of them basically said it was my own dumb fault for staying married to him in the first place when I needed help caring for him. "We'll do it for YOU," they told me, "But you married him." And then Cliff wondered why I cared what they thought. (UH, THAT'S HOW SHIT GOT TAKEN CARE OF. Living on favors, and all that? Remember? Since you're completely disabled and so on? And I have to keep working to keep insurance and drugs paid for? Oh, that's right. You're working with a brain that's largely oatmeal and I have to understand. I do. I do. Meanwhile, I've got people telling me I got needs. I needs to keep the wheels rolling, thanks. Somehow.)

Where Mom's care is concerned, Sis has point, little brother has caregiver...and I'm trouble. Got it. Problem is, Mom now sees me as a safe place to bring things (hey, I'm the one you trust...not the one you love, remember) and I've got to get out of that job. I remember when Sis' kids were little...and Mom never came to visit me, but she could spend weekends with Sis and her family. I had the difficult spouse and no kids. I'll admit it - the extra attention is nice. And she adores Jim - just out and and out adores Jim. I just have to remember this confiding business isn't in her best interest, long-term. Sis is the one who has to know about stuff - and Mom has gotten crafty as she's aged. (And Mom was the one who warned me when Cliff did it - back in the day. Irony, remember? My head hurts.)

I just wish situations would just quit bouncing up and down on all the scar tissue. Nothing is going to change any part of it, and I would just like to be left in peace. Or at least have some comfort level dealing with the two of them. I feel used. Again.

*blows air* Give me a few days to process this - it's Life, and not much more than that. Surely, this is not special in the scheme of things.

I go home, I'm wonderful again and I come to work this morning, I'm fantastic and my boss thinks I'm doing a great job. This is my real life, after all. Thank God I have someplace else to go.

(So now you know why I can be VERY sympathetic when people have trouble with their families of origin. I love them dearly, will defend them to the death...and NOBODY can hurt me like they do. Repeatedly.)

Yay holidays.

I'm going to go get lunch.

Random notes from this morning -

My yuletide story wasn't hated. Points for me. *whew* I finished early, didn't beta it. Didn't READ it through more than once or twice, and I did it in two sittings after thinking it through (and watching all of the source material again) for a few weeks prior.

I thought the deadline was November 19th. I'll know better next year. I can take my time and do more next year.

My request not only generated a story - but three stocking stuffers! Yay! (And they were all good, more yay.)

I found all that out this morning, which helped immensely after getting beat up yesterday at Sis' house. Christmas Day started out fine - until Mom wanted me to see something regarding the prescription assistance programs...and Sis got offended and put an end to it. I've mentioned that Mom brings me stuff she 1) doesn't want Sis to know about and 2) stuff she's worried about (and doesn't want Sis to know about).

I had to write the nasty gram to Sis last night when I got home. I'm done. I keep assuming Mom is keeping Sis in the loop on what she talks to me about...and she's not. And since Sis is primary pointman on Mom's care - I may not know everything that's been discussed, planned and put into action.

Both my sibs are really concerned about Mom's status, primarily the anemia that the epoetin alfa (Procrit, Epogen) has been written for. I did find out that two of her team have written for it - and one in a dosage that is just WTF out of the ballpark. (And about a grand a week to pay for.) Sis told her (not speaking to me, over my head to Mom, like I'm not sitting there) that she's going to request assistance (and I guess she thinks we'll get it - she's the one who does hospice, so I think she'd know) but in the meantime, they're waiting for the last round of bloodwork results to decide if they need it. If it's indicated for yesterday, she's going to pay for it (and get reimbursed later). Hello - a grand a week pay for it. Yes, Sis approached me at Thanksgiving about this. I'll find something, but it won't be a drop in this ocean. What have I been doing since Thanksgiving? Looking for other prescription assistance programs to help out. I had sent information on a third one to Mom - she lost it - and in chatting with Mom coming into the holiday, I asked if anything had come of it.

So Mom brings me what she has on the other two programs and Sis goes off like we're going behind her back and making decisions again. (Did Sis tell me about the waiting on bloodwork? Uhhhhh.)

I've advised Sis she's getting everything I find first, from now on. And I went home as soon as reasonably possible.

Why...WHY...does everything turn into some contest when Sis is involved? Talk about stupid. (BTW, SIS WINS EVERY TIME. Family, marriage, career, education, house, friends...you name it. She might as well win an argument with a four year old - it's the same thing when you stack it up her vs. me. Why she bothers, I'll never know. I'm not interested in "winning" anything. I don't even want to play.)

So, feeling a little battered. (Okay, a LOT battered. I came home, and continued reading a book Jim got me for Christmas - Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew - and that was less depressing.)

You just gotta love the holidays. Yeah, I'm out to sabotage your authority, Sis. Yeah, sure. *eyeroll* I got nothing else to do.

What I find ironic as hell is that Mom's getting all of Cliff's renal issues, and Sis got all of Cliff's vision issues - and both of them basically said it was my own dumb fault for staying married to him in the first place when I needed help caring for him. "We'll do it for YOU," they told me, "But you married him." And then Cliff wondered why I cared what they thought. (UH, THAT'S HOW SHIT GOT TAKEN CARE OF. Living on favors, and all that? Remember? Since you're completely disabled and so on? And I have to keep working to keep insurance and drugs paid for? Oh, that's right. You're working with a brain that's largely oatmeal and I have to understand. I do. I do. Meanwhile, I've got people telling me I got needs. I needs to keep the wheels rolling, thanks. Somehow.)

Where Mom's care is concerned, Sis has point, little brother has caregiver...and I'm trouble. Got it. Problem is, Mom now sees me as a safe place to bring things (hey, I'm the one you trust...not the one you love, remember) and I've got to get out of that job. I remember when Sis' kids were little...and Mom never came to visit me, but she could spend weekends with Sis and her family. I had the difficult spouse and no kids. I'll admit it - the extra attention is nice. And she adores Jim - just out and and out adores Jim. I just have to remember this confiding business isn't in her best interest, long-term. Sis is the one who has to know about stuff - and Mom has gotten crafty as she's aged. (And Mom was the one who warned me when Cliff did it - back in the day. Irony, remember? My head hurts.)

I just wish situations would just quit bouncing up and down on all the scar tissue. Nothing is going to change any part of it, and I would just like to be left in peace. Or at least have some comfort level dealing with the two of them. I feel used. Again.

*blows air* Give me a few days to process this - it's Life, and not much more than that. Surely, this is not special in the scheme of things.

I go home, I'm wonderful again and I come to work this morning, I'm fantastic and my boss thinks I'm doing a great job. This is my real life, after all. Thank God I have someplace else to go.

(So now you know why I can be VERY sympathetic when people have trouble with their families of origin. I love them dearly, will defend them to the death...and NOBODY can hurt me like they do. Repeatedly.)

Yay holidays.

I'm going to go get lunch.

I'm thrashed. And it's Monday at work, so no respite there.

Mom got two units of blood last night, that being the primary reason to stay in the hospital over the weekend - the fever broke on Saturday, and she hadn't needed anything for fever the whole day I was out there on Sunday. (Mom's essentially ESRD over the one kidney that's taken a few blows in addition to being 82 years old - she's showing the classic signs. Anemia (which procrit will take care of), in addition to really funky labs. Her numbers are really good though, outside of the anemia - so for today, so far, so good.)

Her appetite was the pits, though. So I went around town procuring things she would eat - and ended up in Idyllwild for a few brief hours.

Lemme tellya. You can go home again. And get good and thoroughly weirded out. Just warning you.

I am now the proud owner of a t-shirt with a howling coyote on the back, with the legend "Idyllwild Folk Music Festival" on it. I also picked up a pocketful of acorns outside the building where Baker in the Forest used to be (and is now an antiques store). I went in largely to poke around all the rooms, having spent so many REALLY happy hours there, back in the day (and I wanted to see what the kitchen might have looked like) - but found mostly things out of my price range, things I didn't need and went out back and took pictures of the squirrels and jays making merry with the surfeit of acorns. With nobody eating out there, nobody is picking them up - and there is more than they can make off with.

Then I realized it's been nearly thirty years since those "happy" days I spent eating sandwiches inside. Sighed and had lunch at the Bread Basket, and read that it's changed hands three times since I went there the first time. Took more pictures.

Then went looking for the Grey Squirrel and saw that the place had a new name...but, went in anyway. Good idea, because I had the nicest time at the most non-redneck Western store I've ever been in. That's the thing about Idyllwild. You want people chatting about Thoreau and Civil War museums (and I got a lead on a really good Lincoln museum in Redlands) like they were talking about crossing the street - here's your place. Example? They had these t-shirts in there. I had a REALLY good chuckle because someone had actually put one out with the names of the people on the shirts - nice WHITE Hemet, knowing better. I love Idyllwild. That place was my sanity growing up.

And the Grey Squirrel was right across the street. The places are owned by the same people, and they just switched places.

BTW, WANT. That would be a cool mat for the laptop, and a hot mat for me. Both USB. It works.

There is a huge issue going on in town right now, though. The hospital? Is going bankrupt. Because it is a district hospital, selling the hospital requires voter approval, so there is a measure on the next ballot, Measure G - which is getting a ton of attention - and no little social fireworks.

Briefly, since 1985 - the hospital has been hit, like all health care providers have been hit - with the lack of reimbursement from insurance carriers and the private paying public, for basic services. Day in, day out.

The hospital administration, back some years ago, proposed selling the hospital and the voters turned it down. At this point, the measure is almost a foregone conclusion, because if they NO it down, the facilities close. Period - I don't think they would keep them open under Chapter 13 - because 14 million dollars has already changed hands back in August. Literally, the hospital has been sold already - but here, check out the two websites I can find on the issue:

Yes on Measure G and with particular interest, a rather legitimate fact sheet with a timeline.

The No Vote - 'stop the money grab' and I ask you to check the supporting features of the No vote...and the utter chaos which is this entire site. It has more attention span issues than a ADHD squirrel on crack.

The Yes site (fact sheet) is the only place that really addresses the underlying issue - the lack of reimbursement. The No vote folks? Guess what. ILLEGAL ALIENS ARE STEALING OUR HEALTHCARE YO. I had to calmly and politely (but FIRMLY) explain that the lack of reimbursement is not a liberal or conservative issue - it's a reality, and has been since Reagan. And then go through the steps of why health care providers are going broke, left right and center. And then remind everyone that illegals were having babies when I was a baby being born at that hospital myself! If the numbers are climbing, then look at the numbers climbing in general - who the heck is THAT stupid?

Honestly.

I was glad to get home.

I have whole grain pancake mix from Henry's, plenty of pictures. I have cute, and I will show it to you later when I can get them off the camera and uploaded.

Well, everything is up to Defcon 4, but that's it so far.

She's being admitted, I even have the bed number (and know exactly where the room is and how close it is to the nurse's station - that scare you?), her temperature is down, there are two more antibiotics on order to come onboard....

...and she told me this herself.

My sibs are good, I don't need to go out there just yet and - *blows air*

I get to be twitchy for the weekend. Yay.

Well, everything is up to Defcon 4, but that's it so far.

She's being admitted, I even have the bed number (and know exactly where the room is and how close it is to the nurse's station - that scare you?), her temperature is down, there are two more antibiotics on order to come onboard....

...and she told me this herself.

My sibs are good, I don't need to go out there just yet and - *blows air*

I get to be twitchy for the weekend. Yay.