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kyburgRandom notes from this morning -
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yuletide story wasn't hated. Points for me. *whew* I finished early, didn't beta it. Didn't READ it through more than once or twice, and I did it in two sittings after thinking it through (and watching all of the source material again) for a few weeks prior.
I thought the deadline was November 19th. I'll know better next year. I can take my time and do more next year.
My request not only generated a story - but three stocking stuffers! Yay! (And they were all good, more yay.)
I found all that out this morning, which helped immensely after getting beat up yesterday at Sis' house. Christmas Day started out fine - until Mom wanted me to see something regarding the prescription assistance programs...and Sis got offended and put an end to it. I've mentioned that Mom brings me stuff she 1) doesn't want Sis to know about and 2) stuff she's worried about (and doesn't want Sis to know about).
I had to write the nasty gram to Sis last night when I got home. I'm done. I keep assuming Mom is keeping Sis in the loop on what she talks to me about...and she's not. And since Sis is primary pointman on Mom's care - I may not know everything that's been discussed, planned and put into action.
Both my sibs are really concerned about Mom's status, primarily the anemia that the epoetin alfa (Procrit, Epogen) has been written for. I did find out that two of her team have written for it - and one in a dosage that is just WTF out of the ballpark. (And about a grand a week to pay for.) Sis told her (not speaking to me, over my head to Mom, like I'm not sitting there) that she's going to request assistance (and I guess she thinks we'll get it - she's the one who does hospice, so I think she'd know) but in the meantime, they're waiting for the last round of bloodwork results to decide if they need it. If it's indicated for yesterday, she's going to pay for it (and get reimbursed later). Hello - a grand a week pay for it. Yes, Sis approached me at Thanksgiving about this. I'll find something, but it won't be a drop in this ocean. What have I been doing since Thanksgiving? Looking for other prescription assistance programs to help out. I had sent information on a third one to Mom - she lost it - and in chatting with Mom coming into the holiday, I asked if anything had come of it.
So Mom brings me what she has on the other two programs and Sis goes off like we're going behind her back and making decisions again. (Did Sis tell me about the waiting on bloodwork? Uhhhhh.)
I've advised Sis she's getting everything I find first, from now on. And I went home as soon as reasonably possible.
Why...WHY...does everything turn into some contest when Sis is involved? Talk about stupid. (BTW, SIS WINS EVERY TIME. Family, marriage, career, education, house, friends...you name it. She might as well win an argument with a four year old - it's the same thing when you stack it up her vs. me. Why she bothers, I'll never know. I'm not interested in "winning" anything. I don't even want to play.)
So, feeling a little battered. (Okay, a LOT battered. I came home, and continued reading a book Jim got me for Christmas - Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew - and that was less depressing.)
You just gotta love the holidays. Yeah, I'm out to sabotage your authority, Sis. Yeah, sure. *eyeroll* I got nothing else to do.
What I find ironic as hell is that Mom's getting all of Cliff's renal issues, and Sis got all of Cliff's vision issues - and both of them basically said it was my own dumb fault for staying married to him in the first place when I needed help caring for him. "We'll do it for YOU," they told me, "But you married him." And then Cliff wondered why I cared what they thought. (UH, THAT'S HOW SHIT GOT TAKEN CARE OF. Living on favors, and all that? Remember? Since you're completely disabled and so on? And I have to keep working to keep insurance and drugs paid for? Oh, that's right. You're working with a brain that's largely oatmeal and I have to understand. I do. I do. Meanwhile, I've got people telling me I got needs. I needs to keep the wheels rolling, thanks. Somehow.)
Where Mom's care is concerned, Sis has point, little brother has caregiver...and I'm trouble. Got it. Problem is, Mom now sees me as a safe place to bring things (hey, I'm the one you trust...not the one you love, remember) and I've got to get out of that job. I remember when Sis' kids were little...and Mom never came to visit me, but she could spend weekends with Sis and her family. I had the difficult spouse and no kids. I'll admit it - the extra attention is nice. And she adores Jim - just out and and out adores Jim. I just have to remember this confiding business isn't in her best interest, long-term. Sis is the one who has to know about stuff - and Mom has gotten crafty as she's aged. (And Mom was the one who warned me when Cliff did it - back in the day. Irony, remember? My head hurts.)
I just wish situations would just quit bouncing up and down on all the scar tissue. Nothing is going to change any part of it, and I would just like to be left in peace. Or at least have some comfort level dealing with the two of them. I feel used. Again.
*blows air* Give me a few days to process this - it's Life, and not much more than that. Surely, this is not special in the scheme of things.
I go home, I'm wonderful again and I come to work this morning, I'm fantastic and my boss thinks I'm doing a great job. This is my real life, after all. Thank God I have someplace else to go.
(So now you know why I can be VERY sympathetic when people have trouble with their families of origin. I love them dearly, will defend them to the death...and NOBODY can hurt me like they do. Repeatedly.)
Yay holidays.
I'm going to go get lunch.
My
yuletide story wasn't hated. Points for me. *whew* I finished early, didn't beta it. Didn't READ it through more than once or twice, and I did it in two sittings after thinking it through (and watching all of the source material again) for a few weeks prior.I thought the deadline was November 19th. I'll know better next year. I can take my time and do more next year.
My request not only generated a story - but three stocking stuffers! Yay! (And they were all good, more yay.)
I found all that out this morning, which helped immensely after getting beat up yesterday at Sis' house. Christmas Day started out fine - until Mom wanted me to see something regarding the prescription assistance programs...and Sis got offended and put an end to it. I've mentioned that Mom brings me stuff she 1) doesn't want Sis to know about and 2) stuff she's worried about (and doesn't want Sis to know about).
I had to write the nasty gram to Sis last night when I got home. I'm done. I keep assuming Mom is keeping Sis in the loop on what she talks to me about...and she's not. And since Sis is primary pointman on Mom's care - I may not know everything that's been discussed, planned and put into action.
Both my sibs are really concerned about Mom's status, primarily the anemia that the epoetin alfa (Procrit, Epogen) has been written for. I did find out that two of her team have written for it - and one in a dosage that is just WTF out of the ballpark. (And about a grand a week to pay for.) Sis told her (not speaking to me, over my head to Mom, like I'm not sitting there) that she's going to request assistance (and I guess she thinks we'll get it - she's the one who does hospice, so I think she'd know) but in the meantime, they're waiting for the last round of bloodwork results to decide if they need it. If it's indicated for yesterday, she's going to pay for it (and get reimbursed later). Hello - a grand a week pay for it. Yes, Sis approached me at Thanksgiving about this. I'll find something, but it won't be a drop in this ocean. What have I been doing since Thanksgiving? Looking for other prescription assistance programs to help out. I had sent information on a third one to Mom - she lost it - and in chatting with Mom coming into the holiday, I asked if anything had come of it.
So Mom brings me what she has on the other two programs and Sis goes off like we're going behind her back and making decisions again. (Did Sis tell me about the waiting on bloodwork? Uhhhhh.)
I've advised Sis she's getting everything I find first, from now on. And I went home as soon as reasonably possible.
Why...WHY...does everything turn into some contest when Sis is involved? Talk about stupid. (BTW, SIS WINS EVERY TIME. Family, marriage, career, education, house, friends...you name it. She might as well win an argument with a four year old - it's the same thing when you stack it up her vs. me. Why she bothers, I'll never know. I'm not interested in "winning" anything. I don't even want to play.)
So, feeling a little battered. (Okay, a LOT battered. I came home, and continued reading a book Jim got me for Christmas - Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew - and that was less depressing.)
You just gotta love the holidays. Yeah, I'm out to sabotage your authority, Sis. Yeah, sure. *eyeroll* I got nothing else to do.
What I find ironic as hell is that Mom's getting all of Cliff's renal issues, and Sis got all of Cliff's vision issues - and both of them basically said it was my own dumb fault for staying married to him in the first place when I needed help caring for him. "We'll do it for YOU," they told me, "But you married him." And then Cliff wondered why I cared what they thought. (UH, THAT'S HOW SHIT GOT TAKEN CARE OF. Living on favors, and all that? Remember? Since you're completely disabled and so on? And I have to keep working to keep insurance and drugs paid for? Oh, that's right. You're working with a brain that's largely oatmeal and I have to understand. I do. I do. Meanwhile, I've got people telling me I got needs. I needs to keep the wheels rolling, thanks. Somehow.)
Where Mom's care is concerned, Sis has point, little brother has caregiver...and I'm trouble. Got it. Problem is, Mom now sees me as a safe place to bring things (hey, I'm the one you trust...not the one you love, remember) and I've got to get out of that job. I remember when Sis' kids were little...and Mom never came to visit me, but she could spend weekends with Sis and her family. I had the difficult spouse and no kids. I'll admit it - the extra attention is nice. And she adores Jim - just out and and out adores Jim. I just have to remember this confiding business isn't in her best interest, long-term. Sis is the one who has to know about stuff - and Mom has gotten crafty as she's aged. (And Mom was the one who warned me when Cliff did it - back in the day. Irony, remember? My head hurts.)
I just wish situations would just quit bouncing up and down on all the scar tissue. Nothing is going to change any part of it, and I would just like to be left in peace. Or at least have some comfort level dealing with the two of them. I feel used. Again.
*blows air* Give me a few days to process this - it's Life, and not much more than that. Surely, this is not special in the scheme of things.
I go home, I'm wonderful again and I come to work this morning, I'm fantastic and my boss thinks I'm doing a great job. This is my real life, after all. Thank God I have someplace else to go.
(So now you know why I can be VERY sympathetic when people have trouble with their families of origin. I love them dearly, will defend them to the death...and NOBODY can hurt me like they do. Repeatedly.)
Yay holidays.
I'm going to go get lunch.
