w00t w00t booyah

Thanks for putting up with the Twitter consolidations - right now, that is where I am most prolific, largely because it's a real 'hit and done' environment. Now, to collect those for later perusal?

This is still the best place for that. August 29th was the last time I actually wrote a post here, huh? Okay.

Sis's divorce isn't final, but the house has been sold and the family split into two rental properties - only one of which I have contact information for. (Guess.) I still listen to crazy on a regular basis. But after throwing up my hands and giving in to simply being sad for a period of weeks (and if depression showed up to keep it company, well it did), I no longer want to end the world in fire (okay, just my sister) every time the subject comes up.

The sad arrived after I found out what the holidays were going to look like this year.

Nobody is coming. Nobody is going. There will be nothing. Even when Dad died, there was Christmas. Even when the house burned down. Went to Switzerland. Cliff almost died. Always.

Nope. Not coming to your house. (Even though I'm still opening the house on Christmas Eve. Bite me, you're not taking that from me.) Too far, too much work, lalala. Not for Thanksgiving (though that's not a real shock, neither lil' bro or Mom eats as a social occasion anymore, the diets they're on don't allow for much of it), but not for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years - nope. Not worth the work.

I was willing to put them up, entertain, do whatever was necessary - nope.

That smarts. And yes, I got very sad. I got better, but I had to stay there and really grok it for a while.

But that's it.

Family and I are getting on a train and going north for Thanksgiving. Christmas Eve is at my house, and if Christmas Day is spent at Disneyland? I can think of worse. Letting the simple indifference ruin me more is wrong. Nobody is trying to do me harm, they just don't care. (Didn't they say neglect was worse than abuse?)

Sis started sending text messages over the weekend - called me at work (I pushed it to VM) Friday - being chatty and buddy-buddy and I am *totally* creeped out. Well then - now that you've made sure nobody can hold you accountable in person (ex-BIL needs to notify her in writing before he even picks up kid, shared custody agreement notwithstanding, I said the crazy continues), I guess it's time to see if I'm going to accept the DNA card for more charges on account.

Nope. That account is overlimit, overdrawn and closed. Done. At some point, she is going to get her opportunity to tell me - perhaps - what the fuck she thought this was all about, but I have a heavy list of my own to levy as well. I seriously doubt the little tatters that are left will survive contact with it.

I'll do what I can for Mom, as I am able. The brothers - can find their own way, do not care anymore. When Mom is gone, so I am. So very done. Do I think any of them will notice? If they do, it'll smart a little - about as much as if I had actually died, perhaps. (Suicidal ideation happens around here when trying to find a way to pay bills. For attention? You're kidding, right?) Mom plaints about 'what happened?' and none of us will say - nobody wants her to know the work she did with Sis in high school didn't take.

My mother married twice; my mother was bankrupted by each of those men and has filed for protection twice. In spite of that, she raised four kids by herself, and between the four of us there are three bachelor degrees, two masters and a doctorate. And all of us work. (Except for Sis, at this point she claims to be self-employed except she doesn't work 15 hours a week, the documentation is there as part of court process.) All of us raised children, with various levels of success depending on the kid. Only one of us ended up in jail, and that was once and done and lil' bro has been in recovery ever since. When you remove the antagonist, we're resilient folks.

But second-best is out of here, guys. I'm not waiting anymore.

There are a couple of other places you can find me - tumblr has me in its passive-agressive paws, same name as here. You can also find me at turntable.fm in the I <3 70's room (last place I expected to land) during daylight hours. Facebook, tumblr with the ability to talk back to your insulter - the modern version of the slambook, pretty pictures and all. Ironically, Tumblr may have kicked me in the head hard enough to go back to writing anything - I'm seriously considering NanoWriMo this year (hell, there's no reason - NOTHING going on).

So, we'll see.

So. How about those Avengers?

From the first post of this journal:

"No posting about anything that party of the first part will not know about party of the second part. And so on and so forth."

In whole, NO SECRETS. Nothing that anyone walking across my path would not already know - no secret tryst, trusts or scheming.

And this has been where I can talk freely about what bugs me. You didn't know, you weren't paying attention. Or - you told me to shut up, I didn't know what I was talking about, my opinion wasn't valued...the list can grow, at this point it matters very little.

This is my space. It has been for ten years. I've done good things with it - indifferent and truly SILLY things with it - but I can go back and look at this thing and see where life events have taken me, written before the ways came and took us where they did.

And...all things willing, will continue to do so.

So. Let me, for the record, collect posts on a specific subject. Heck, take the first year.

Let me introduce you to my family, and in particular...my older sister.

Who we are, and what I thought of us.

If there was a seminal event to lead to where Sis is today, here it is. Damn. Follow on....and some more....Sis, you were a lucky girl.

Secrets. And how they grew.

Don't try to fool Mom.

When Sis lost the sight in one eye.

Sharing is caring...unless you're my sister and then it's wrong.

This one is locked...for good reason.

They still have the cat and the fact this was all happening when the kids were this small? Sad makings.

Velvet paws that hide the sharpened claws....

Beware bringing me your drama.

I'm a good sister, really I am.

People reconcile. My tale of the most unlikely I've ever known.

Another locked one, but noted. BIL starts commuting to work in STL from LAX.

No Mom, I didn't know.

The 80's. It's worth noting in passing.

Sis...and the holidays. They never did mix well, did they. This part is unlocked.

Stuff that worked with me, foundered with my sister.

Getting ready to move to Torrance from Ontario, I clean my garage.

We find our current home, our little house of dreams.

Easter at Sis' house always was a risk.

A Mother's Day.

Twenty-somethings may rule popular culture and fashion, but seventy-somethings rule the world -

There were times...sadly, few of them.

This was more typical.

Don't get used to it.

A man of infinite jest - I worked with Bob Hope once.

Hidden treasures.

Talk to me. I talk back. Simple.

In the pool with you!

Your schedule. Not ours.

Used as a scratching post.

Therapy for depression.

Something typical, but updates on Sis.

Jim's parents divorced...

*SIGH* This is 2003. My Sis' kids adore Jim; they tolerate me. Follow on...oh shit, she was 15 too. What IS it about that age in girls?

I tend to give 'difficult' people room for medical causes...here's why.

Doing the dance of deception....

First Thanksgiving at my house.

BIL's second youngest brother passes.

And I have to tell the Master's in Social Work this?!

And that was essentially the first year of journalling here. There's nine more to go.

No, I was not always fair or kind - not even accurate, if I go back and recheck the facts but that was what I knew at the time I put it down.

If you keep going, you read more and time passes - that's what reading back over journal entries is all about.

Today, I don't get that many words down on a daily basis - I'm faster on Twitter and Facebook and more prolific there. I've started a Tumblr, but it really just reposts things from other Tumblrs...without commenting on them. Passive aggressive internets for the win. 9_9

It might do me more good to write more, methinks. It was also interesting to note the issues with old gig went further back than the summer of 2008 - *shakes head.* I so didn't want to leave that one - I really did stick out as long as I could, didn't I?

And the beat goes on.

25 years ago, it was a dirt lot without even a road leading to it.

Today, it's fast cash. Yup. That's Sis' house - on the market, priced for a fast sale.

I'm out of things to say anymore.

And no...not a word from her. Rude text messages, avoidance (she's even unfriended me on Facebook) and absolute granola-grade flaking out.

When I'm not livid, I'm terrified.

Sis crap. I've kept this thing long enough, I may need to refer back to it.

Here's a classic.

This one, for older brother.

Mom's asked me, for her birthday, to reach out to him and try to mend the ways.

Well. You don't ask, you don't get.

Sis crap. I've kept this thing long enough, I may need to refer back to it.

Here's a classic.

This one, for older brother.

Mom's asked me, for her birthday, to reach out to him and try to mend the ways.

Well. You don't ask, you don't get.

Yesterday, I got a call from my Sis - needing an emergency eye surgery, she needed a kid wrangler for this morning. So last night, Jim went straight there from work, followed closely by myself and we spent the night. Everyone went to school, work, what have you - and I got off the phone with BIL to hear that the procedure went well, it was much as I had expected and we go on from there. No, they didn't write the eye off yet - but that puts Sis back into the healing cycle again, and who knows now when they will try to resolve the eye issues once and for all.

But when I got there, I got a couple of cautions. "I'd better tell you about the pinata party."

*buh?*

My BIL was in Mexico on a company junket (they made their sales numbers, they went to party) when on the last day, someone was having a pinata party at their hotel.

20' feet away, the swinger lost the bat - striking my BIL right between the eyes.

A week ago - and he still looks like a panda bear.

Then I noted that there were some of the collectible steins missing. Sis takes those down to decorate for the holidays - they were from BIL's late brother's estate, one of a kind and incredibly dear.

Were.

They got on the truck with this year's Goodwill donation. By accident.

Along with Sis' traveling hat (with all its pins) from her semester she spent in Salzburg as a college student. There are no words. There have been two house fires and two burglaries in our home of origin - there just aren't too many old things left.

Yeah, I'd have broken into a buncha pieces too, I think - if one more thing had gotten laid on me. I thanked BIL for calling me - and told him to call me again the next time -

Oh there will be next times. You can be sure of that -

I left a reasonable hope of edible dinner in a crockpot when I left this morning - and made my bed and picked up after myself (and a bit around the house too). Sis' house is a study in what money can buy, including housekeepers - everything is new, nearly new and very strange to me. The walls are covered with photographs of the family - taken in yearly installments. I've used their photographer for a sitting once. Something like $500 later, I had prints to give out. The walls are large ones, BTW.

Sis and her honey are the best examples of Fortune-aspired people - and their teenage boy is just as clearly Knowledge-aspired (kid's working on pre-med as his major - he wants to be a medical doctor). His little sister is a kid - and loves Sims, the original. I sat down with the boy and built a family he could play in Sims2 - he'd taken four randoms and stuffed them onto the biggest lot in the neighborhood (I removed that lot in my game - too much work) - and had gotten frustrated. Keep the lot small, the number of Sims small (lots with 8 Sims is work, rewarding but still) and things instantly become fun again.

He also knew most of the cheats already. Little shit.

It also gave me a chance to talk to Sis about the DCFS debacle and Heartsent. The former, I had to take some time to give enough information so that none of the players came off as unethical - because, in truth, it was the entire ignorance everyone was kept in during the process that was at fault, nothing more. But the best part is now I have someone with some moxie who can help me find child care resources - and volunteered to do so.

Now, we'll see what comes of it - but I'd have to say, it's all good for now.

I'm still working monetary resources - one source is locked up until March, so expect fundraising to begin in that frame of time. I've also ordered the materials to make two battenburg lace quilts for raffle/auction - expect more fiber pr0n here soon.

*looks around* Oh, the president must have spoke last night. I see hangovers aplenty from the drinking games. For me, there just wasn't enough beer to make that experience painless. I've gone a long time since I suffered through such bad public speaking. Honestly. Including my own forensics class in high school.