w00t w00t booyah

"Dealing with folks over the weekend, finding myself out of step with the CW - wondering why plain speaking, openness and no secrecy was being taken so hard - then I remembered. I was married to Cliff Stapfer for nearly 15 years. You couldn't just say 'I love you' to that guy - he didn't believe you. You had to *prove* it - you couldn't break trust with that guy - it had been broken so often, so many ways you had to *build* it from scratch. My reward? His primary drive in life was to be fair. He trusted me - to him, that was love, and proof of love. When you love someone - you have to allow them to make choices you don't think are wise, do things you don't think are safe, because you have to trust them to make themselves happy. But you have to be able to trust them, and believe you will know the truth behind the why of those decisions (with Cliff, I always did). Cliff made me an honest, honest woman. He would accept nothing less than trust - complete, utter and total. Otherwise, you were just like every other person, family or otherwise, who had come in and said 'I love you' and hadn't meant it. To me, today? I tell the truth - and I tell everything, to everyone. I make no promises - they're like pie crust, made to be broken. I make commitments, and negotiate what is possible. If I say I will - that why I do it, regardless of any other motivation people ascribe to me. I won't tell you I will - if there's any chance I won't (or can't). And I miss Cliff so - but take him with me, everyday, everywhere I go. Believe it. Worth it. Every single day worth it."

Spent the whole day Saturday delivering goodies to people who weren't home to receive them - and then spent hours defending my parenting style, and why I was so "mean" to my sister at my mother's house.

Sis fired one across the bow over the 4th of July weekend, demanding that nobody speak to Brad or the kids about the divorce. One, you don't cut off all communication and then make demands. Two, you do NOT tell who I can talk to or what I can talk about when they are adults in their majority like I am.

So I had to take time away from what I was doing during AX to craft a rather good email back to her.

So I'm mean. I guess.

Largely for documentation sake. When I'm not blinded with rage, I am deathly worried for her. And that, is how they say, is that.

"Dealing with folks over the weekend, finding myself out of step with the CW - wondering why plain speaking, openness and no secrecy was being taken so hard - then I remembered. I was married to Cliff Stapfer for nearly 15 years. You couldn't just say 'I love you' to that guy - he didn't believe you. You had to *prove* it - you couldn't break trust with that guy - it had been broken so often, so many ways you had to *build* it from scratch. My reward? His primary drive in life was to be fair. He trusted me - to him, that was love, and proof of love. When you love someone - you have to allow them to make choices you don't think are wise, do things you don't think are safe, because you have to trust them to make themselves happy. But you have to be able to trust them, and believe you will know the truth behind the why of those decisions (with Cliff, I always did). Cliff made me an honest, honest woman. He would accept nothing less than trust - complete, utter and total. Otherwise, you were just like every other person, family or otherwise, who had come in and said 'I love you' and hadn't meant it. To me, today? I tell the truth - and I tell everything, to everyone. I make no promises - they're like pie crust, made to be broken. I make commitments, and negotiate what is possible. If I say I will - that why I do it, regardless of any other motivation people ascribe to me. I won't tell you I will - if there's any chance I won't (or can't). And I miss Cliff so - but take him with me, everyday, everywhere I go. Believe it. Worth it. Every single day worth it."

Spent the whole day Saturday delivering goodies to people who weren't home to receive them - and then spent hours defending my parenting style, and why I was so "mean" to my sister at my mother's house.

Sis fired one across the bow over the 4th of July weekend, demanding that nobody speak to Brad or the kids about the divorce. One, you don't cut off all communication and then make demands. Two, you do NOT tell who I can talk to or what I can talk about when they are adults in their majority like I am.

So I had to take time away from what I was doing during AX to craft a rather good email back to her.

So I'm mean. I guess.

Largely for documentation sake. When I'm not blinded with rage, I am deathly worried for her. And that, is how they say, is that.