Approaching sentience -
Jan. 5th, 2012 10:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyburgThis morning, I had to be one of Those Moms. You know, the ones who act like their kid is Speshial Speshial OMG?
Well, I swallowed what little self-respect I have left and talked to the director of the school this morning when I dropped Xander off. Yesterday, he got sent to the office for throwing pencils in class - clarifying it this morning, it would appear it occurred at naptime. Okay.
One, he lost *all* privileges last night after school, and while I was out until 9 PM dealing with the religious social club (that's another post entirely), Jim got to deal with a bratty, bratty kid who got his homework done, fed and put to bed.
When I got home, I tucked him in and noted he was sleeping light - roused when I got there and ducked under the covers. Uh oh. Sure enough, he was awake at 2 AM this morning and nearly pushed us both out of our bed getting into it with us. And this morning, trying to get What Happened Yesterday out of him? The red flag went up - you know the one.
This is when I get down to his level and look him in the eye. My kid? Defaults to the sweetest kid you ever met - his first reaction is always kind, altruistic and thoughtful. He will throw things mainly to do 1) get your attention by being a rascally kid and it's play or 2) he's mad about something you said or did and he's getting even.
"My teacher said she wished I would go home and stay there."
OH.
So he got the company line - one, you don't throw anything at anybody. But two? If you are problems at school, you come tell me. I'm the final word, baby. Believe it.
So I went in and talked to the director this morning. I don't know what happened, I wasn't there. Could he have substituted the teacher for another kid? Sure! Could the whole thing be inference? You bet. But I also said - my kid is different. He doesn't match his parents, he's smaller than a lot of the kids he likes hanging out with -
One of Those Mommies.
But you know what I noticed the most? When I sat there and talked to my kid, I started using difference language - not the black and white you use with preschoolers, no this went into the gray areas of 'I know you're not telling me something and now we both know it' world of 'what do I tell whom, and who do I trust with it?' He's going to find that I won't tolerate lies and more so, won't tolerate 'I don't know' as an answer. You were there. You know what happened.
Yes, he does. And the fact I told him I had his back registered. I had a completely different conversation after that.
Looking at the calendar? Yup, he's seven more than six months early and that magical age of Reason is fast approaching. Magical in that this is when he acquires the ability to discern right and wrong, consequences beyond the next five minutes and a sense of his mortality and place in the world. It's also when a lot of adoptees really get slapped in the face with the sheer loss they've had - the transition is a fact, but really getting your head around the loss inherent, the fact you are different in a way only other adoptees are? Not looking forward to that part.
He's so smart. Platitudes probably won't last thirty seconds.
*SIGH* Love that kid. But you can't love away the adoption, and even I'm not stupid enough to try.
In the meantime, I'm glad it's throwing pencils - it's not throwing fists, cursing and fighting. It's the little things.
Well, I swallowed what little self-respect I have left and talked to the director of the school this morning when I dropped Xander off. Yesterday, he got sent to the office for throwing pencils in class - clarifying it this morning, it would appear it occurred at naptime. Okay.
One, he lost *all* privileges last night after school, and while I was out until 9 PM dealing with the religious social club (that's another post entirely), Jim got to deal with a bratty, bratty kid who got his homework done, fed and put to bed.
When I got home, I tucked him in and noted he was sleeping light - roused when I got there and ducked under the covers. Uh oh. Sure enough, he was awake at 2 AM this morning and nearly pushed us both out of our bed getting into it with us. And this morning, trying to get What Happened Yesterday out of him? The red flag went up - you know the one.
This is when I get down to his level and look him in the eye. My kid? Defaults to the sweetest kid you ever met - his first reaction is always kind, altruistic and thoughtful. He will throw things mainly to do 1) get your attention by being a rascally kid and it's play or 2) he's mad about something you said or did and he's getting even.
"My teacher said she wished I would go home and stay there."
OH.
So he got the company line - one, you don't throw anything at anybody. But two? If you are problems at school, you come tell me. I'm the final word, baby. Believe it.
So I went in and talked to the director this morning. I don't know what happened, I wasn't there. Could he have substituted the teacher for another kid? Sure! Could the whole thing be inference? You bet. But I also said - my kid is different. He doesn't match his parents, he's smaller than a lot of the kids he likes hanging out with -
One of Those Mommies.
But you know what I noticed the most? When I sat there and talked to my kid, I started using difference language - not the black and white you use with preschoolers, no this went into the gray areas of 'I know you're not telling me something and now we both know it' world of 'what do I tell whom, and who do I trust with it?' He's going to find that I won't tolerate lies and more so, won't tolerate 'I don't know' as an answer. You were there. You know what happened.
Yes, he does. And the fact I told him I had his back registered. I had a completely different conversation after that.
Looking at the calendar? Yup, he's seven more than six months early and that magical age of Reason is fast approaching. Magical in that this is when he acquires the ability to discern right and wrong, consequences beyond the next five minutes and a sense of his mortality and place in the world. It's also when a lot of adoptees really get slapped in the face with the sheer loss they've had - the transition is a fact, but really getting your head around the loss inherent, the fact you are different in a way only other adoptees are? Not looking forward to that part.
He's so smart. Platitudes probably won't last thirty seconds.
*SIGH* Love that kid. But you can't love away the adoption, and even I'm not stupid enough to try.
In the meantime, I'm glad it's throwing pencils - it's not throwing fists, cursing and fighting. It's the little things.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-05 07:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-05 11:46 pm (UTC)Little stinker wants to go home, and he's acting out in every way he knows how to make it happen. Something tells me my kid wants another holiday break. ^^
Sucks to be him, because that ain't happening. But it's for running around like a wild animal and provoking the other kids - tut tut tut!