kyburg | Update -

On the stand Friday, Sieferman recounted being hospitalized in June because of fears she might harm herself and her daughters. She'd lost a job in May, she said, part of a spiral that began in 2004 when she was laid off from the Guidant Corp. (now Boston Scientific).

61 years old, educated to the gills - two daughters from China - and she's now signing her parental rights away (her kids are going to be adopted by a relative) and entering the penal system for at least 11 years.

The kids survived and are doing well - according to the report.

...

Everyone has a breaking point. It's 2009 - and struggling since 2004? I'd have to say the breaking point was passed and ignored - wouldn't you?

The real bitch I have with this? I found this on one of my PAP mailing lists - and the poster was all gushy about 'oh, I'm so glad the kids are okay, I was so worried about them!'

(Uh, how many kids in the domestic foster care system right now?)

Ghad, no wonder then. Mother didn't matter, did she? (And wouldn't a hospitalization for depression trigger SOME set of services? Hul-LO?)

Relative is taking the kids. Yay for being an adult in your majority and untouchable until you actually Do Something Bad. That's the only thing my head will allow that there is a relative able to adopt the kids, but couldn't do a damn thing prior to prevent this from happening in the first place.

Just saying.

Everyone lives. Everyone gets a second chance. Rocks didn't fall, everyone didn't die.

*kicks*

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Why wasn't there some sort of intervention when she was hospitalized? This never should have happened.

This whole situation was so sad. She asked for help and couldn't get it. Thank you for linking to this; I'd wanted to follow up and find out what happened.

I am glad that she's making the choices that will be least disruptive for the girls, and that she's going to be able to help other women in prison.

But the whole thing is a tragedy all around no matter what.

I wouldn't be so hard on the relative.

The relative could have been unable to help (not knowing what was going on or too far away to observe or assist).

Mental health services? Ha. Not even in this lotus-eating state, sister, not even when someone with dependents self-admits and begs for it. Not unless you've got gold star insurance, and even then you've got to be damn lucky.

Yes, there should be. But there really isn't.

What about all the damn social services and adoption people? She made it through all that effort and then nobody checked afterwards?

The relative may have been trying. It's hard to get help for someone else based on what you think might happen.

Darn near impossible. My sister does crack, both her kids are in trouble with the law, I've called social services a couple times and they don't do anything.

Call the cops. Seriously. They'll call social services.

After the first year, and re-adoption - you're done. Nobody ever looks at you again.

Unless you re-enter the system again, somehow - like this.

There are groups that our agency recommends, like Families with Children from China - that I also heartily recommend. This provides a number of things, besides keeping eyes on things. A social network. People doing what you're doing, going through what you're going through. Families that look like yours. Picnics. Playgroups. Support.

But that's not required. We joined a year ago when we got our referral, long before we picked up Xander in Taiwan.

I seriously doubt she even knew about them, mores the pity. Or if she did, didn't interact because she was too ashamed of being a drunk and a loser. She knew. That was the whole point of dropping the insanity defense, right?

Breaking point. The wise people always know their own limits.

Edited 2009-05-19 16:43 (UTC)

I am willing to go with the "s/he might not have known". I could see this mom just blaming herself for the problems she was having and feeling ashamed about reaching out for help. She might have told herself that it was one thing to be a "bad mother" and another to let everyone else know about it.

I could see it's a lot easier for someone who ended up having kids as an "accident" to moan about not being able to make ends meet, but for someone who had to go into all sorts of scrutiny just to be a parent to have to admit that she couldn't hack it (or at least that's how it sounds she perceived herself), that string of setbacks might have set off a never ending shame spiral (with the alcohol being one of the ways she was trying to cope in secret).

Far away? Not unless she was raised by wolves or some such. In which case said relative would not show up now to collect the kids, I would hazard.

Except...when she was hospitalized, who took care of the kids?

And the why of her hospitalization....sorry, you say that's a reason to be in a locked unit, that's pretty clear.

They didn't agree with her, but hospitalized her anyway, released her and then didn't follow her. Yay, I say, for being an adult in your majority and on your own until you actually Do Something Bad. Being clear about your own needs and fears isn't enough.

I'll admit it. If it were me, I wouldn't go home again. Yes, I am that stubborn. No way. If I checked myself in, I wouldn't check out again without knowing there were resources.

Hell, ask Jim. I'm even setting up backup care besides us, family and friends. Like three layers deep (and more). No, my kids will have care - it'll take something bigger than us falling down before things won't be okay. That's how I was raised, and that's how it's going to get passed on. Even if Mom was a single parent...we knew who to go to if something happened to her. And as we've gotten older, we go to each other - to a point - when there's a need.

I am. So angry. That she got left to fend for herself this way. Hello, largest mental health system in California - the penal system! No kidding.

Well, that's what I mean. She might have had a relative look after the kids while playing down just how bad things had gotten. I can see that happening with an adoptive parent, since I've known bio-parents who do that because they fear how they're going to be judged by others, including their own families, and I would think an adoptive parent can be even more sensitive about this sort of thing (not being able to do what they had thought themselves capable of doing,i.e. providing for the kids).

As for resources, I don't know about California, but I know that in Texas you don't get access to most mental health resources without either good health insurance or an income so low that it's not fit for a person to survive on. Heck, to receive social assistance in Texas (i.e., food stamps, medicaid) you have to be well below the national poverty line. When I found out the actual amount (as part of a school project on poverty in Austin, TX), I was shocked. As a single individual, you'd have to live on an amount of money my husband and I spent in two months out of a year. We're talking no more than 4-6 K a year.

To give you an idea: I am underemployed right now and was in college for 3 years, and my husband is just finishing his PhD. We were living off of fellowship money and student loans for a long time. We could pay the bills, feed the cats and ourselves, and keep a very tiny roof over our heads, and very little more throughout. I can't begin to imagine or understand how horrible the life of people who can qualify for social services are, let alone that of people who do get mental services in Texas.

I don't think things are much better there right now. There might be more of a social net (Texas is one of the worst states to live in when it comes to that kind of thing), but how strained might it be at this time? I'd hazard enough for plenty of people to fall through the cracks.

*nods* And once you're in the penal system?

You finally get treatment. (Andrea Yates had to kill all her kids before she got any.)

Yeah, that's a great strategy. *eyeroll*

EDIT: And wow, so cost-effective. Both in human suffering and $$$.

Edited 2009-05-19 21:42 (UTC)

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