Attention whoring!
Aug. 24th, 2004 01:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyburgGod, I really hate not having control over my moods. Scare me enough, piss me off enough and I still cry like a little kid.
And don't return calls? Any other time, it wouldn't be an issue. Today?
This morning, all I got was voicemail. And my imagination filled in the blanks.
And I did horrible things to my siblings - in my head, of course. When I finally got a hold of Mom, asked the questions I needed answers to and found out what I wanted to know, *poof.* And felt colossally stupid. Hey, they've had more contact with Mom in the last few days - and I haven't been back there since last Tuesday. And how dare they NOT return my calls - *huff huff huuurrrrrr*
I'm such an idiot.
They haven't finished staging the cancer or grading it. They need two imaging reports and then they'll finish the diagnosis.
Mom has the most common form - 90% of the cases are her type, Transitional Cell Carcinoma and the current estimate is a T2/3, which means one of those five sites they removed had grown in the muscular wall of the bladder - and possibly out the other side. Should that have happened, then we have something that I will refer to as cancer with a big C - because then it's not restricted to the bladder and could really impact everything, and yeah - could kill her.
So I guess hindering access to information might make me a little upset.
They're doing one of the imaging tests tomorrow - the other one hasn't got a space open for two weeks. I've told her if she wants to do it sooner, I'll make it happen. The one that has a two week wait is one Jim does routinely at work. Ya think I might be able to swing a favor? Ya think?
I'm just getting warmed up.
Talking to my partner in crime at work, I brought him into the loop and asked him to keep an eye on me. If something should slip or I space out on something because of this - well, it would be understandable, but not good.
This is my onliest parent - my grandparents were all gone before I was out of my teens, and I only had one grandparent after age 7 at that. My uncles and aunts are gone, except for an ancient pair who I expect Mom to outlive, even given the circumstances. The fact she's older than they are doesn't help. They might as well be ninety. Very frail, sick old people.
Okay, that's depressing enough.
The coworker they transported yesterday is back to work today, just fine. *whew*
And so far, so good on the other fronts. I've scheduled our home visit with the DCFS Social Worker for September 7th - and then there are individual interviews we have to go through. I have to complete the last bit of the application paperwork and get that in, and oh yeah, get a TB test done.
The beat goes on.
Oh, and for the record?
This cancer is one of the first that was determined to have an outside cause due to industrialization. Smoking and exposure to the old aniline dyes. Smoking, or second-hand exposure. Period.
So if you smoke, quit. And if you ever smoked, get a pee test once a year at your annual physical. Your risk does not appreciably reduce, even if you do quit.
It's the first thing I ask every year for Christmas - if you smoke, quit for me. I don't care if you have to quit four years in a row and make it on the fifth. Please quit smoking for me. Pweeeze?
And the guys get this three times more often than the gals. Yup.
Mom's had this a long time, and it wasn't found - even when the kidney function started heading south. *shakes head*
I did tell you I could talk about anything, didn't I?
Ghad, I need something else to talk about.
And don't return calls? Any other time, it wouldn't be an issue. Today?
This morning, all I got was voicemail. And my imagination filled in the blanks.
And I did horrible things to my siblings - in my head, of course. When I finally got a hold of Mom, asked the questions I needed answers to and found out what I wanted to know, *poof.* And felt colossally stupid. Hey, they've had more contact with Mom in the last few days - and I haven't been back there since last Tuesday. And how dare they NOT return my calls - *huff huff huuurrrrrr*
I'm such an idiot.
They haven't finished staging the cancer or grading it. They need two imaging reports and then they'll finish the diagnosis.
Mom has the most common form - 90% of the cases are her type, Transitional Cell Carcinoma and the current estimate is a T2/3, which means one of those five sites they removed had grown in the muscular wall of the bladder - and possibly out the other side. Should that have happened, then we have something that I will refer to as cancer with a big C - because then it's not restricted to the bladder and could really impact everything, and yeah - could kill her.
So I guess hindering access to information might make me a little upset.
They're doing one of the imaging tests tomorrow - the other one hasn't got a space open for two weeks. I've told her if she wants to do it sooner, I'll make it happen. The one that has a two week wait is one Jim does routinely at work. Ya think I might be able to swing a favor? Ya think?
I'm just getting warmed up.
Talking to my partner in crime at work, I brought him into the loop and asked him to keep an eye on me. If something should slip or I space out on something because of this - well, it would be understandable, but not good.
This is my onliest parent - my grandparents were all gone before I was out of my teens, and I only had one grandparent after age 7 at that. My uncles and aunts are gone, except for an ancient pair who I expect Mom to outlive, even given the circumstances. The fact she's older than they are doesn't help. They might as well be ninety. Very frail, sick old people.
Okay, that's depressing enough.
The coworker they transported yesterday is back to work today, just fine. *whew*
And so far, so good on the other fronts. I've scheduled our home visit with the DCFS Social Worker for September 7th - and then there are individual interviews we have to go through. I have to complete the last bit of the application paperwork and get that in, and oh yeah, get a TB test done.
The beat goes on.
Oh, and for the record?
This cancer is one of the first that was determined to have an outside cause due to industrialization. Smoking and exposure to the old aniline dyes. Smoking, or second-hand exposure. Period.
So if you smoke, quit. And if you ever smoked, get a pee test once a year at your annual physical. Your risk does not appreciably reduce, even if you do quit.
It's the first thing I ask every year for Christmas - if you smoke, quit for me. I don't care if you have to quit four years in a row and make it on the fifth. Please quit smoking for me. Pweeeze?
And the guys get this three times more often than the gals. Yup.
Mom's had this a long time, and it wasn't found - even when the kidney function started heading south. *shakes head*
I did tell you I could talk about anything, didn't I?
Ghad, I need something else to talk about.
