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[personal profile] kyburg
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jenndoesnotcare:

I just left my husband alone with our two children for sixteen days. I was not worried about anything regarding the house, their food, or their wellbeing. I put all the appointments in the family calendar and my husband checked it and kept them. I literally did not worry about them. I missed them, and I was sad that they missed me, but I didn’t worry about them AT ALL. I need to impress upon you all that I missed their company, but was not worried for their welfare.

I also did no meal prep. I don’t even think I went shopping right before I left.

This is not about apples and oranges. This isn’t even about my husband. This is about the fact that this is apparently WEIRD.

Another mum at my daughter’s school is leaving for ten days. She’s taking her youngest (who is a very small baby) and leaving her husband with their two girls. She has been cooking for days preparing freezer meals. She’s panicking and deputizing her six year old to remind him how to make school lunches. AND I AM APPALLED.

A) He is definitely not helpless. (He’s a doctor or something.) What gendered bullshit. B) THAT LITTLE GIRL IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER AND HER SISTER’S WELLBEING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. C) Why is she married to this person and creating children with him if he’s this big of an idiot?

While she was laughingly recounting this, the other mums were nodding and smiling sympathetically, like oh yes, I too have my caveman at home!! Such managing required! I was the only one who was like “Dude, he’ll be fine. Literally. He will be fine.” I said it a lot. She was not convinced. She kept bringing up her older daughter. She’ll be like a little mum!

NO.

NO NO NO NO.

NO.

Straight women, don’t do this shit. It’s gross. Don’t infantilize your husbands and then expect your daughters to pick up the slack. So fucking gross. So. So. GROSS.

The fact that so many adults think a six year old girl is more capable of learning and performing basic domestic tasks than a grown-ass man says it all, really. 

I 100% do not understand this but is disgustingly common. Like, my future husband, when I go on some business trip, might not make our kids gourmet meals every night. But I also don’t make gourmet meals every night. And when I do, it’s because I ENJOY COOKING. Also my future husband is 110% more organized and better at keeping appointments and to-do lists than I am. He is for sure going to be the one that reminds ME that we need to schedule some doctor’s appointment or sign a permission form or something. Why are so many heterosexual marriages so fucking weird.

Yeah, shit like this is drives me crazy. My husband is an amazing cook and people think it is weird that I don’t cook our meals. Like, it’s called an equitable division of labor based on our skill sets, not bullshit gender stereotypes.

Also, does anyone else encounter marriages where the spouses seem to hate each other? My husband’s friends seem constantly baffled by the fact that we like each other and want to spend our free time together.

My best friend (happily married for five years) and I talk about this all the time. Like there just seem to be a whole fuckton of (especially heterosexual) married couples who just hate each others’ guts and constantly tear each other down to their friends. 

Like, it’s one thing if you are really struggling in your relationship and need to get advice from confidants like best friends or your family to figure out how to make it better. But then there’s my boss, who openly mocked his wife to our whole team because she wanted to get some new workout dvd set and “not like that stupid treadmill i bought her did any good. we’re not spending $80 for her to not feel so bad about eating chips at night for a few weeks.” 

I think it honestly starts really early in those marriages, too. Like if you’re the type of person who goes out and buys one of these: 

or these 

You’re going in already with a fundamental lack of respect for your spouse as an equal partner and friend. literally wtf. 

Sixteen days?  I haven’t been separated from my family for sixteen HOURS awake without hue and cry.  It took ORDERS to get three hours at the end of my Wednesdays on a regular basis.

Before that, the blaming and shaming that went on when anything was out of whack was directly planted on me - why wasn’t it done, why wasn’t it up to date, why wasn’t it in order, why why why -

Sixteen days.  *gobsmacked*

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Date: 2016-07-23 08:21 pm (UTC)
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From: [personal profile] moropus
I was gone for 4 months and the worst I did was send a friend to my house to borrow something and spy on him to see if things had gone to hell. Everything was OK.

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