That's good to know -

[kyburg]

A site dedicated to attachment and bonding issues,specifically to kids adopted from China.

A very, VERY good resource to check your work - and to get confirmation you're not losing your mind. I suspect I'll be going back here often.

But also, if you suspect you were also a victim of a parenting style that left you with attachment issues (bad parenting, I'll leave to the experts to determine) - you might also see yourself here as well.

PTSD? Check.

But I kept reading about this "holding therapy" and thinking "wow, that really must be something - I'd better check it."

*facepalms*

D'OH.

Welcome to my gut reaction. What a relief. Holding is my first response to any kid acting out. *thinks*

Scratch that. Holding is what I do in any situation I feel safe doing it - when someone is in trouble. And tantruming kids?

Oh, you'd better believe it. Face to face, looking you right in the eye.

It's the right thing to do. It's what I would do anyway.

I can remember doing this when I was 20, and a summer camp counselor. I could tell you stories about how well this works.

Huh.

I guess I really could do this. Maybe. I - just won't get cocky. That, would be bad.

Comments

[turandot.livejournal.com]

I was reading the other day that the "looking in the eye, holding kid accountable" model does work for older kids, but not toddlers. Apparently the best thing to do with a tantruming toddler is picking him/her up and removing them from the situation (usually, the eyes of strangers), and then talking to them in their own limited language (as is "Yes, yes! Baby is angry, angry right now. Oh so angry!" even mimicking facial expressions, if that helps) so that their focus shifts from the anger to you, which can calm them down enough so that you can explain to them why they didn't get their way, and come up with a compromise ("We can't have cookies right now, we're in a store, but as soon as we get home we'll have dinner, and maybe we can have one for dessert"). It also teaches them that words is how you express feelings, and that it will always get your attention if you do. =P

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

That wonderful phrase - "age-appropriate." How did we ever get along without it....

[nagasvoice.livejournal.com]

Great link, thanks!