What was it like -

[kyburg]

People are asking me what Taiwan was like.

I think I've got a nearly complete metaphor to handle the load.

Take your favorite class from your school days - the one that challenged you, taught you more than any other class, tickled your knowledge bone in the BEST way, had your favorite teacher, a bunch of your friends...something you loved more than any other class you ever had.

But it was a tough class, and you had to keep up on the work or risk falling behind, and that wouldn't be good.

You didn't want that.

But you never worked so hard, for such rich rewards.

Rewards that stayed with you.

Then they asked you what you wanted to do for your teacher and your friends when the class was over. You said you wanted them to have wonderful, happy lives for the rest of their days, that you loved them and wanted the best for them.

They loaded them onto a bus and drove them away without warning you. And you never even got to say goodbye.

And then you were told you had to start teaching the class. To one person who doesn't understand a word you're saying, and just got taken away from his friends, his family and his teachers.

With no sleep.

It's been two weeks.

And this is a cakewalk in comparison to what we'll probably have in China.

Comments

[caitlin.livejournal.com]

Given the fact that I have family in Taiwan I think I have an unfair advantage.

I sorta wish I had been able to go with you or to help more than I have.

*HUGS*

If you ever feel the urge or need, I could talk to him directly or something and see?

(I'm probably reaching here...)

C.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

He really does not do well with strangers, tends to clam completely up - which is normal, natural and nothing I want to change.

He's eating, sleeping and playing well - I just don't mess much with stirring up old memories. Keep moving forward and all that!

[glowing-fish.livejournal.com]

Also, croissants.

[poetpaladin.livejournal.com]

You're quite right. It's major!

And that kid is experiencing "Race Fail" (as you described when you were in Taiwan) and he's just a kid, not an adult.

But luckily he is a kid and he'll adapt to life with you two and to life in day care - probably faster than us. He does have two loving parents. :)

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

You think it was race fail? I've never felt so out of my depth in trying to get my head around a situation in my life - my privilege was definitely in the way of making that possible.

He does do something that makes me think of you - this kid LOVES to carry coins around in his hands, and in his pockets. Money has incredible power for him - so much so, I finally ordered him a kid-sized wallet with some play money in it for him to carry around. Right now, he's been using some of the Canadian toonies and such - the bigger coins, but nothing that's legal tender here. Last night, he wouldn't even let go of it in his sleep! What we know of this love of coins is that they were used to play basketball games - and that was a big treat for him, so the association is a good one.

I just make sure he knows there's more coins where those came from.

[poetpaladin.livejournal.com]

Well, in Taiwan, Melanie felt what you felt and she had me to talk to. You felt what you felt and you had Jim to talk to - and at least some of the people spoke English with you and some signs were in English and you're an adult with some resources.

Right now he's by himself (yes I know he's with you, but you know what I mean) with virtually no one to speak his toddler Chinese with and he can't even read and he's a child who's dependent and vulnerable.

So it probably goes beyond the "race fail" idea you were writing about.

Luckily he doesn't seem to mind too much yet - I did try talking with him in Chinese but he didn't take me up on it. He seemed more interested in the here and now and that includes playing with Jim. Jim's VERY fluent in boys' play language and I can see they're bonding and building up trust fast. I think that's a great advantage for the boy.

Funny enough, I rarely carry cash on me. I think about money a lot because I worry about the future and how Melanie and I will be able to afford a home, bills, medical, babies, etc.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I have to hand it to his foster parents - they prepared him well for this. How, I really don't know - but I'm told by the people who do this day in and day out, it's possible, it's done and it works out all the time.

We adore him, dote on him and pay attention to every move he makes - for a kid, this has to be nothing but good stuff.

Jim is just that good. You think I'd let that go to waste, you're nuts.

[jrittenhouse.livejournal.com]

With other older adoptees that I've seen and heard about (our twin-law is a international adoption professional, and she's seen a lot) that had their birth language, they end up almost universally dropping it and becoming fluent in the new version. Some of that is time, some of that is adjusting to the new world, some is avoiding painful stuff in the past - even if the people treated the kid well, it's painful to think about Those People Far Away.

You're doing exactly the right stuff.

[jrittenhouse.livejournal.com]

The kids are very aware that they're Different From Mom and Dad; my daughter really hasn't had any serious racism brushes, and I remember her crying and saying that she wished she was 'white' like mom and dad, and it was all of a piece with Wanting To Blend In seamlessly as a kid with parents.

So we talk about how she came to the right place, and her similarities with us in a million other ways; and we tell her that she's got this pretty peachy-pink skin that will go golden-brown in the summer sun while Mom and Dad turn *ouch* into fried lobsters, and that she has a million advantages in just being who she is. (Mom and Dad run to fat, as do our families, but she never will.)

[paperwings86.livejournal.com]

What do you mean "in China", are you planning a second adoption?

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

He's actually our second adoption, completed before the first one - we're waiting on a referral from China, logged in back in 2007.

[jrittenhouse.livejournal.com]

Which could still be a couple of years off in the future. Last I heard, you could be waiting 4 years plus.