Not the droids I was looking for.
May. 11th, 2009 10:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyburgIt's nice to make Mother's Day into a weekend - particuarly when your fella works the Sunday. It's better to do the fun stuff on Saturday, if you can.
I'm going to enjoy Father's Day, methinks, more - because being the recipient, as nice as it was - only wants me to reciprocate in kind. I also have this to add on the motherhood experience - having a mother, and being one are completely different animals.
So far, I haven't felt or experienced much that reminded me of my mother. Except for the first-aid, maybe. There is very little cooing and cuddling - far more running after, entertaining and figuring out how to stay occupied hour to hour. I don't remember my mother having trouble with that. If she enjoyed it as much as I do, I never noticed. (Let's just say, I'm always trying to stay a step ahead and figure out what will work in the next fifteen minutes when the current event becomes BOOOORING and has to end.)
At this age, I had three other siblings - and had gotten more injured. I was also put to bed at night, tucked in, kissed goodnight wide awake and that was that. Get out of bed, get in big trouble. Go to sleep, see you in the morning. That was my experience.
Right now, I also take anything for granted at my own risk. Like, thinking dim sum would be a slam dunk because it would be familiar (at last, as familiar as anything I could recall seeing in Taiwan the week I was there), food-wise.
I mean, I saw most of the selections as dumplings. Shumai, gyoza, all kinds of things wrapped up and steamed. My biggest worry was catching a drift of something that would remind me of the dumplings the agency had ordered for our lunch and we never got to eat - by the time we got back to the hotel, the very scent made me ill - and lose my appetite by association.
We sat down, some food arrived and the kid refused everything. I was able to get a portion of one dumpling in - and that was a battle - but that seemed to flip a switch because he finished it with a 'oh, this is good' look after the first bite.
Then the rest of the party arrived, distraction occured - and the second, identical dumpling? DENIED. Spat out, matter of fact, heartbreak city - the works.
So, I fall back to the old standby - get a bowl of steamed rice. The full, adult portion - and that was devored to the last grain, no problem. (Try holding an adult conversation with someone who had been treated like CRAP while feeding a three year old rice with adult utensils. G'head. Welcome to the back of my head. Feel free to talk to it, it's listening. Oy.)
That really surprised me. NOTHING looked good to him, and everything looked familiar. Didn't end there, either.
He was late going down for his nap - given, considering lunch finished about half way to where he would be waking up on any normal day - so upon returning home, THUD is what I got.
He woke up out of a nightmare two hours later. And didn't wake up completely for almost an hour after that - very disoriented. Didn't want to sit with me - not initially. Then didn't want to be far away from me. (We watched a lot of television together until Jim got home.)
Whatever it was, it wasn't good - that night, he fought sleeping tooth and nail. Jim must have rocked him for at least two hours (in addition to the half hour or so I did), and he was a total beanbag the whole while. Too tired to wake up, too wired to fall into REM sleep.
My biggest clue is that almost all of the English has left the building this morning.
We were told, repeatedly - that this kid did not eat well. Would NOT eat anything good for him.
My experience has been he has some very definite likes, and the rest can go hang. Feed him what he likes, and there is no problem eating. (It's a very beige diet, but.) He ate slowly, but well for dinner last night - which was fresh apple and fish sticks.
The absolute rejection of anything like looked like a dumpling, and the associated stuff sleeping has me a bit concerned. I was no pushover - but it was one real push and once that happened, he was picked up, cuddled (cleaned off) and then reseated with something else to eat.
I wonder what his foster family had done. I'm also going to be curious about how the day goes at daycare today - he was clearly delighted to be going, and was happy happy happy to see other kids showing up this morning. Saturday night, daycare provided us with four hours of childcare in the evening for Mother's Day (so we took them up on it) and he had a total blast (and THUD'ed when he got home). What did we do? We got bakery goodies at Panera, and then massages at the day spa upstairs. (They botched Jim's appointment all to hell and breakfast - next time, he gets the hot soak instead. He had to make do with the comfy cushions, peace and quiet and a short session - BAH. That'll get Yelped.)
Daycare also pulled Jim aside last week and expressed some concern about 'aggressive behavior.' Uh, remember the gun bit? He was also doing that, and (how do I put this) pulling Power Ranger/Ultraman/Naruto - you name it - moves on his classmates. To the good, they were visibly relieved to get our complete support for 'No, we don't allow that at home, either. This is what we want you to do - ' and could I have dialed this one up? Sure. Right on schedule. New adoptee wanting control back - yup. Within expectations, tolerances and at least I have some guidelines on it. It's - a number of things - but normal.
So guess what. All that stuff stays on the shelf for now. Jim was ready to remove all the toys, too - we'll see. I think it may be more prudent to watch the behavior instead.
Kitty update - we're no longer dealing with fatty liver disease. We're dealing with something liver-related, and it's either an infectious issue or cancer. (This whole thing might be coincidental instead of stress-related. Yup, adopt a kid, have a cat get cancer, get sick for seven weeks. Such luck. >_<) She's scheduled for an ultra-sound on Wednesday. Yeah. She's definitely feeling more like herself - she's interactive, chatty and so on, and we catch her nibbling on food from time to time, but just not enough (she's still losing weight). So the force-feeding continues (Jim has basically taken that over) and I brace myself for what I have to tell the specialist on Wednesday. (You see something on ultrasound that looks like lesions, don't bother doing a biopsy. No reason to put the poor thing through it, neh?) I really don't like having to have the conversation with a medical professional that basically goes 'what are we actually trying to do here? Confirm a diagnosis or form one?' If you have enough evidence that liver cancer is the only possible reason - don't put the cat through a biopsy, m'kay? And no, if it's terminal, no chemo. (Your mileage may vary - for me, that would be cruel and pointless.) More $$$ just for workup - and did I mention that after I paid for group insurance that some back payments because they didn't get the start date right on inception, my paycheck works out to something less than $10 an hour for the last two weeks? Oh, and I have another paycheck like that next pay period too! Hooray! (I may decide yet that it's more cost-effective to do it out of pocket instead of insurance. I have a few more days to decide.)
So how was your weekend?
I'm going to enjoy Father's Day, methinks, more - because being the recipient, as nice as it was - only wants me to reciprocate in kind. I also have this to add on the motherhood experience - having a mother, and being one are completely different animals.
So far, I haven't felt or experienced much that reminded me of my mother. Except for the first-aid, maybe. There is very little cooing and cuddling - far more running after, entertaining and figuring out how to stay occupied hour to hour. I don't remember my mother having trouble with that. If she enjoyed it as much as I do, I never noticed. (Let's just say, I'm always trying to stay a step ahead and figure out what will work in the next fifteen minutes when the current event becomes BOOOORING and has to end.)
At this age, I had three other siblings - and had gotten more injured. I was also put to bed at night, tucked in, kissed goodnight wide awake and that was that. Get out of bed, get in big trouble. Go to sleep, see you in the morning. That was my experience.
Right now, I also take anything for granted at my own risk. Like, thinking dim sum would be a slam dunk because it would be familiar (at last, as familiar as anything I could recall seeing in Taiwan the week I was there), food-wise.
I mean, I saw most of the selections as dumplings. Shumai, gyoza, all kinds of things wrapped up and steamed. My biggest worry was catching a drift of something that would remind me of the dumplings the agency had ordered for our lunch and we never got to eat - by the time we got back to the hotel, the very scent made me ill - and lose my appetite by association.
We sat down, some food arrived and the kid refused everything. I was able to get a portion of one dumpling in - and that was a battle - but that seemed to flip a switch because he finished it with a 'oh, this is good' look after the first bite.
Then the rest of the party arrived, distraction occured - and the second, identical dumpling? DENIED. Spat out, matter of fact, heartbreak city - the works.
So, I fall back to the old standby - get a bowl of steamed rice. The full, adult portion - and that was devored to the last grain, no problem. (Try holding an adult conversation with someone who had been treated like CRAP while feeding a three year old rice with adult utensils. G'head. Welcome to the back of my head. Feel free to talk to it, it's listening. Oy.)
That really surprised me. NOTHING looked good to him, and everything looked familiar. Didn't end there, either.
He was late going down for his nap - given, considering lunch finished about half way to where he would be waking up on any normal day - so upon returning home, THUD is what I got.
He woke up out of a nightmare two hours later. And didn't wake up completely for almost an hour after that - very disoriented. Didn't want to sit with me - not initially. Then didn't want to be far away from me. (We watched a lot of television together until Jim got home.)
Whatever it was, it wasn't good - that night, he fought sleeping tooth and nail. Jim must have rocked him for at least two hours (in addition to the half hour or so I did), and he was a total beanbag the whole while. Too tired to wake up, too wired to fall into REM sleep.
My biggest clue is that almost all of the English has left the building this morning.
We were told, repeatedly - that this kid did not eat well. Would NOT eat anything good for him.
My experience has been he has some very definite likes, and the rest can go hang. Feed him what he likes, and there is no problem eating. (It's a very beige diet, but.) He ate slowly, but well for dinner last night - which was fresh apple and fish sticks.
The absolute rejection of anything like looked like a dumpling, and the associated stuff sleeping has me a bit concerned. I was no pushover - but it was one real push and once that happened, he was picked up, cuddled (cleaned off) and then reseated with something else to eat.
I wonder what his foster family had done. I'm also going to be curious about how the day goes at daycare today - he was clearly delighted to be going, and was happy happy happy to see other kids showing up this morning. Saturday night, daycare provided us with four hours of childcare in the evening for Mother's Day (so we took them up on it) and he had a total blast (and THUD'ed when he got home). What did we do? We got bakery goodies at Panera, and then massages at the day spa upstairs. (They botched Jim's appointment all to hell and breakfast - next time, he gets the hot soak instead. He had to make do with the comfy cushions, peace and quiet and a short session - BAH. That'll get Yelped.)
Daycare also pulled Jim aside last week and expressed some concern about 'aggressive behavior.' Uh, remember the gun bit? He was also doing that, and (how do I put this) pulling Power Ranger/Ultraman/Naruto - you name it - moves on his classmates. To the good, they were visibly relieved to get our complete support for 'No, we don't allow that at home, either. This is what we want you to do - ' and could I have dialed this one up? Sure. Right on schedule. New adoptee wanting control back - yup. Within expectations, tolerances and at least I have some guidelines on it. It's - a number of things - but normal.
So guess what. All that stuff stays on the shelf for now. Jim was ready to remove all the toys, too - we'll see. I think it may be more prudent to watch the behavior instead.
Kitty update - we're no longer dealing with fatty liver disease. We're dealing with something liver-related, and it's either an infectious issue or cancer. (This whole thing might be coincidental instead of stress-related. Yup, adopt a kid, have a cat get cancer, get sick for seven weeks. Such luck. >_<) She's scheduled for an ultra-sound on Wednesday. Yeah. She's definitely feeling more like herself - she's interactive, chatty and so on, and we catch her nibbling on food from time to time, but just not enough (she's still losing weight). So the force-feeding continues (Jim has basically taken that over) and I brace myself for what I have to tell the specialist on Wednesday. (You see something on ultrasound that looks like lesions, don't bother doing a biopsy. No reason to put the poor thing through it, neh?) I really don't like having to have the conversation with a medical professional that basically goes 'what are we actually trying to do here? Confirm a diagnosis or form one?' If you have enough evidence that liver cancer is the only possible reason - don't put the cat through a biopsy, m'kay? And no, if it's terminal, no chemo. (Your mileage may vary - for me, that would be cruel and pointless.) More $$$ just for workup - and did I mention that after I paid for group insurance that some back payments because they didn't get the start date right on inception, my paycheck works out to something less than $10 an hour for the last two weeks? Oh, and I have another paycheck like that next pay period too! Hooray! (I may decide yet that it's more cost-effective to do it out of pocket instead of insurance. I have a few more days to decide.)
So how was your weekend?
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no subject
Date: 2009-05-11 06:47 pm (UTC)Muahahaha. Oh yeah. That would be motherhood. Though in my case, there's much more yelling and scolding and what he calls "The Mom Look" and "The Mom Voice" than cuddles and "I love you." Why don't you remember it? Because kids don't remember the running after, frustration, stop that stop that stop that and Mom I'm bo-ored. We remember the cooing and cuddling even though it's only a minor percentage of the momstuff.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-11 10:26 pm (UTC)I think you might be able to second me on this one - you can tell people anything you can, but you really don't get the perspective on parenting until you're in the midst of it.
I sure didn't - I really have to feel for people who get sideswiped by it. At least I had a reasonably similar experience in caring for Cliff - little fun, tons of work, little sleep, no thanks...and everyone with two cents to toss in, but no assistance.
The difference is in this case, he'll grow up. In Cliff's case, it just spiraled down to an end with nothing to show for it.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 03:12 am (UTC)And I don't know what it was with Cliff, but I will say there are little moments all throughout parenthood that make up for the headaches. My boy was absolutely horrid today; then he looked at me during dinner and said, "You look really pretty today. Can I hug you?" And yesterday he held up a yellow chicken-shaped cookie and said, "Look, Mom! I'm a chick magnet!"
These are the moments that make up for the times I restrain my urge to strangle. They will come, hon. And hopefully they were there with Cliff as well.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-11 06:52 pm (UTC)Isaac is like that too. we make him try a bite of everything, which is always a huge struggle with much whining and crying.
pulling Power Ranger/Ultraman/Naruto - you name it - moves on his classmates.
at least he's not biting them (which is what Isaac did).
no subject
Date: 2009-05-11 07:06 pm (UTC)He looks like such a nice little boy!
no subject
Date: 2009-05-11 07:18 pm (UTC)seriously, I wouldn't say he was a chronic biter or anything, but sure, he bit kids a couple times when he was two or so.
Little kids don't know right from wrong (they don't fully understand the concepts, even), and they don't have much self-control when they get mad or upset. They get as mad as we do - even more mad, a lot of the time - but they don't have the same control over themselves, or an understanding of consequences, the other person's position, or feelings. They also don't really remember very well what it is they're not supposed to do. It takes them a long time to really "get" things.
For a kid to hit other kids at some point is really pretty normal, particularly if they are emotionally wound-up like Xander is.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-11 07:26 pm (UTC)It was just a little surprising seeing as he (meaning both Isaac and Xander) doesn't *LOOK* the type, is all. =D
I think my mother had to go through similar stages with my brother.
I'm not sure where I stood in any of this however. (gender stereotypes aside.)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-11 10:29 pm (UTC)That ended the whole question. I also have to believe that was dealt with during foster care, and was an absolute taboo.
(He did a lot of this sort of thing this past week, come to think of it. One of his teachers called it 'Test Week' - dead in the black.)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-11 07:18 pm (UTC)Setbacks will happen with things like language, behavior, etc., but overall, he sounds like he's doing all right with adjusting. Even the food stuff can be pretty normal for kids his age, in general.
Of course then there're kids like my brother (coincidentally, also an Asian adoptee) who is still like that with food, and he's nearly 22. ;)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-11 07:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-11 09:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-11 10:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-11 10:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 01:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 05:06 am (UTC)Japanese food has been a no-brainer - but this?
Boy, we won't be doing it again soon. No way.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 01:48 pm (UTC)I always feel like I have no "rights" to it. Even though I've been a Mother for 8 years now.