Getting the hang of Thursdays.

[kyburg]

I am very grateful my job is less demanding than parenting. Yes, it is. And when things blow up on the job with me, the whole company can come to a grinding halt - that's the level I can be at.

And it is less demanding - than one 3 year old - on a daily basis.

So when I hear about 'I can't work and have kids at the same time' - there's a disconnect. Don't worry, it's only me. Mom worked full time at night, slept while we were at school - and she had four of us. To me, having someone who only ran after us and did nothing more doesn't register. That only happened on weekends, holidays and when we were sick. (Even when Dad was alive, Mom was at the pharmacy helping out. I always had working parents. Guess where the ethic came from.)

For Xander, preschool-style daycare has been an incredible boon as well. There is no way we could have provided the amount of peer-exposure, educational opportunies, food choices (and opportunies to experiement with new ones) - you name it.

And this week, in particular - the English really has been kicking in. I would say he now attempts 99% of the words we tell him, and even better - comprehension is coming with it.

Last night, trying to settle him down for the night - he started in with the jazz hands and kicky feet...and I did my normal patter (while gently reinforcing the limbs to be quiet and at rest) of 'time for sleeping, there's nothing else going on here except that I won't let you stay awake...night-night, relax and go to sleep now' - looked up at him to get a status on how awake he still was - only to get a nod in response. Holy cow. And the fidgets stopped. That did not mean he closed his eyes and nodded off - it still was a quick trip in the car - but progress! I can now tell him it's time for bed...and WHY. I see a time in the near future when we won't have to put him down asleep - he will be able to be told what is expected of bedtime (ie, the bed is for sleeping in, and you stay there all night), instead of us putting him there unconscious.

Talking with my mother is fun. I tell her what this is like and she thinks I've got it tough. No Mom, I can't tell him to stay in bed, he doesn't know what I'm saying - that's why we put him down asleep. No, we weren't given his bedtime routine, we had to figure it out after we picked him up from the first night on. (About the only thing we got was when he normally slept. Which has also been bogus.)

He is also very clear on what 'not okay' is all about. Progress!

This is also the week we started doing two things - a new bedtime routine that includes one episode of television, two books and then bedtime. So far, it's resulted in two THUDs and the one drive-induced THUD last night. Also, we're actively looking for tasks he can 'help' us with - he now helps me feed the kitties (hand him half a cup of kibble, point to the dish, dump and repeat), latches the cabinet doors in the kitchen, picks up his books and puts them away and helps me pack lunches in the morning. (Should Dad have carrots in his lunch? How about this bag of chips?) He can put toys away and carry his lunchbox in to preschool. We also let him pick which shirt to wear, and which books to read.

It's also clear the language is going to pick up even more soon - the last report at daycare is he's getting even more physical because he can't make himself understood fast enough to the other kids (so there's been some timeouts related). He's a real Rooster in that sense; he's always the (rightly, to his mind) center of attention, so why aren't you doing it the way he does it? But it's coming - here we are, two months out.

I'm thinking pancakes for dinner tonight. And while Memorial Day is upon us, it won't include Fanime or Baycon this year - but there are at least three tasty options near us that will get us out of the house instead of having cabin fever. (Good thing payday is tomorrow, lean as it will be.) There's a fiesta in Hermosa Beach, a Greek fair in Northridge and a Country Fair in Topanga. All three days. Just have to get to them. (Glad I put air in the jog stroller tires. Now, the challenge is getting it where we're going.)

Next weekend is when I'll have a sitter in on Sunday for four hours (there will be two sessions of this) prior to setting up a full day at home two days of the 4th of July weekend as a stress test for backup care (with Jim looking to travel back east when his grandfather passes, having an immediate backup, one that can be on site within an hour is critical). It also allows us to attend AX (and it looks like I'll actually be staffing this year. Who knew?)

I'm listening to the Stupid that is our state government and wondering if the monies I'm spending on daycare won't end at school age and will just transition to private school instead. (Yes, I may have some costs related to daycare after school age, but I was not anticipating needing as many daycare hours and maybe even adding something like Kumon, Sylvan or Chinese school instead of daycare hours. Now? It might be a completely different world in five years, one that I wouldn't recognize today.) It's been a long time since I was in school in California and they passed Prop 13 the year I graduated from high school. I got a fantastic education.

Since then, if you did - you did it in spite of every effort to sabotage you. A whole industry in fund-raising garbage has benefited more than anyone else since then, I swear. And you know how I'm sure I got a great education? I'm also certain I do not have enough of the right kind of education to homeschool.

Not leaving. It's barbaric, but hey - it's home.

I also understand we could start Xander in soccer this year - he's old enough. I'm thinking this time next year, depending. There's a place to get some exercise! Wonder when they start basketball....

In other news, both Jim and I are still playing games after the kids asleep, reading silly books and getting enough sleep.

Tomorrow night - ramen! Who wants to go?

Comments

[caitlin.livejournal.com]

Ramen! I wanna go!

Uh... oops. I'm a little far. =D

I think Prop 13 passed when I was in second grade. I got a decent education, but that was dependent on school district.

Glad Xander's been starting to get the message on things, though.

[galewolf.livejournal.com]

Don't forget baseball!

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I didn't get a chance to let him demonstrate his mad mad basketball skills, did I?

He's a dead shot, 86 - 99% of the time, small as he is.

Baseball also doesn't move fast enough. ^^ Mom may dig it, but the kid? *yawners Ma!*

[caitlin.livejournal.com]

Hockey!

I think the Toyota Health Center in El Segundo has lessons.

That moves fast. =D ANd he wouldn't be the only Asian in it. ;) (of course I could be biased ;) )

[galewolf.livejournal.com]

Kid's got a good jumper.

[cahwyguy.livejournal.com]

a Greek fair in Northridge

If you do come out to the valley, and you discover you need a place to let him rest, feel free to call (I can send you our number). Sunday evening we'll be out (we have theatre tickets in Hermosa Beach). We're not that far from the Northridge mall.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Here's the info on the Greek thang:

St. Nicholas Church and its 500 volunteers invite you to enjoy a cultural experience for the entire family with live music, dancing, gourmet food, homemade pastries, cooking demonstrations, children's activities, a Greek market, and a variety of shopping boutiques. Boasting a three-day average of 50,000 guests, the admission-free fundraiser is the largest festival of its kind in the area. So make the most of your Memorial Day weekend and immerse yourself in the cultural vision that is the 36th Annual Valley Greek Festival. Join Us. Free Admission!

When: Memorial Day Weekend, May 23th, 24th, and 25th

Where:
St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church
9501 Balboa Boulevard
Northridge, CA 91325
Hours of Operation: 1:00 pm to 9:00 pm
Phone: 818 886-4040
Email: info@valleygreekfestival.com

You might want to try taking it in yourself!

[cahwyguy.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know where it is (we have good friends that live in walking distance). The parking is usually quite a zoo, and the last time we were there it was pretty packed. I'm not sure what we're doing this weekend, other than "Green Room" on Sunday, and probably seeing a movie on Monday. Saturday is probably the usual cleaning of the house :-). I may be spending some time fixing some broken tiles in the pool.

[lesliepear.livejournal.com]

Xander's coming along very well. It's fascinating to watch from a distance.

Our town starts soccer at 4. Alan did very well with it - it's fun to watch them - it's more of a bunch of kids chasing a ball. And they need shoes tied and to be told which way to go!

I am very fortunate we have good schools (still) in my town. If we live a few miles away in different directions, I wouldn't want to send Alan to public school there. But I don't like the high school he will go to which is in a different town. If he doesn't get (or fit) into the 2 county high schools nearby (academic or technical) - then I'd look at a private school.

[turandot.livejournal.com]

I think one needs to distinguish "I [physically] can't do both" (which is a little bit preposterous until you have a half dozen kids or more) with "I [mentally] can't do both". I've known moms who went back to work after their first only to realize that they would spend their working days thinking of their children at daycare, and that's no way to do a job properly. I've know others who could grin and bear it with the first one, but as soon as they got two, they decide that they want to at least be present for the milestones of one of them. And then there are other moms who I know who are like "I need to work outside the home, being away from home keeps me sane."

Some moms get very emotionally attached to their kids (you'll see, once Xander is in kindergarten... they're as reluctant to leave as their crying kids are to let them leave). Others just would go stark raving insane if all they did was pick up after baby (I don't have kids, but I can't see myself being with them 24/7, I'd miss the company of adults and I think being away for part of the day makes the heart grow fonder anyway). Different folks, different strokes.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

*nods* I think about him at daycare - like any rational creature would, I believe. And when I get updates at night (we get a written report every day on what happened, yes I'm keeping them), I have a good idea of what is going on and I don't have to obsess on it on a daily basis.

Then again, I was the one with a disabled husband at home alone and made daily calls to see if he was all right - and then calling the cops if he didn't answer the phone. You work it - *shrugs*

I probably hold at least three or four things in my head at one time during work hours - if I'm not, I'm usually trying to remember what I'm forgetting. Ask Jim.

[drlaurac.livejournal.com]

I agree. Work is much easier than being Mom. I am glad that I get to do both, though there are moments it is hard to separate from Alex, and I feel like my heart is being torn out.
I need to start tasking Alex with helping around the house. I think I have been underestimating his ability to understand, since he doesn't speak as much.

[cahwyguy.livejournal.com]

I just noticed "There's a fiesta in Hermosa Beach". That's presumably this. We have 8pm tickets to the Hermosa Beach Playhouse. How will the fiesta affect the traffic in the area?

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Hermosa Beach traffic is NUTS. Doesn't matter - that's one of the reasons I've made sure the jog stroller tires got air - the only challenge is going to be just how far we'll have to walk with it.

I'm not a fan of strollers, period - it's the walk in that's making this time necessary.

[sal_amanda]

I think my daughter gets a lot of stuff from daycare that I don't feel I would be able to provide if I was at home full-time. She has a love of art that I can't help out with, but they can. They know better than I do what she should be learning at her age. And she loves her friends so I know the socialization is great for her. And there is no way that I could be home full-time anyway. I'd go crazy. It's a lot to juggle, but I think we all benefit.

[muimi07.livejournal.com]

To me, having someone who only ran after us and did nothing more doesn't register.

The concept didn't register to me either. Both of my parents worked and I took for granted the fact that I would be a working mom. I actually became a parent myself. And as a full time, SAHM with a very attached and spirited child, I can also tell you that the notion that I do "nothing more" than taking care of my child is a bit insulting. Taking care of her means doing a hell of a lot in and of itself. I do a lot besides "just" taking care of her which, oddly, leaves absolutely no time for myself. Funny that.

Also, are you not planning on bringing Xander to AX at all?

[muimi07.livejournal.com]

EDIT: And then I became a parent myself.

Geezus, where'd that edit function go...

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Dear, you have the original velcro baby - accept no substitutes.

Nobody can insult you without your permission.

One of my hallmarks is that I do what works - for me. The fact I've made a decision for me and my situation does not invalidate anyone else's. I'd caution you to consider the source of your own ire on the subject.

Also, you missed the whole point. I don't think I could be a work-from home at this point while doing kid care. People do it (most of the women authors I know of wrote all their books while taking care of their kids - Marion Zimmer Bradley and Anne McCaffrey coming to mind immediately) - but that won't be me. I'm too easily distracted with kid to focus. Brain turns to oatmeal. Etc. He's more work than work is!

Plus I know I'm not nearly as good at providing some of the things he's getting at preschool - peer contact, teaching and exposure to a larger culture. He's a challenge for more than the typical reasons - and with more people (who have taught more children, faaaar more children) on his team, there's more people to cross-check. We have no older relatives to turn to, for example - there are no grandparents, no cousins, no aunts or uncles. If there were - perhaps there wouldn't be the plan we have, neh? But you do what is needful and find a way with what you have.

Oh, and AX? We took him to Chuck E. Cheese one afternoon to see about playing in an arcade like we'd seen in Taiwan. You didn't see the immediate overload reaction - he thought it was FUN, but he chewed his fingers almost bloody inside of the two hours, stressed completely out. His first year, this isn't an option. And since we're local, no hotel room- it makes more sense for him to stay in familiar surroundings with a familiar sitter regardless. We'll be less than half an hour, a bit more or less, from home - no, we're not doing anything further away than that, not even Fanime or Baycon.

We're still within the first six months. School, home, school again - with little other change. I don't think I'm going to even try a hotel room with him for a few years.

[muimi07.livejournal.com]

Okay, see that makes more sense now. I work from home (writing, albeit part time only) and can concur with the "mush" bit.

I'm glad preschool is working out for you guys. I have my own concerns about raising an only child. As you've said, for Xander, preschool seems to have been a great resource and we've also been toying with the idea of giving Sera something more structure for just a day or two out of the week. Jury is still out on that because my god, daycare is expensive.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Adding him to my company health policy? As much, perhaps a bit more. Oh, but worth every penny in the good stuff he's getting out of it. And I have to say, he really enjoys it and comes home happy and worn out, with plenty of things to show me. (They did tie-dye t-shirts this month, for example - SO CUTE.)

If you do pick a daycare, pick one with a preschool curriculum - I am so glad I did!

[sekl.livejournal.com]

he started in with the jazz hands and kicky feet

I love your descriptions!

[poetpaladin.livejournal.com]

So glad to read of progress made! I think you're seeing light at the end of the tunnel!! :)

[dracowayfarer.livejournal.com]

A decent night's sleep is one of those things that can never, ever be overrated.

A good book to invest in

[turandot.livejournal.com]

Wish my mom had it when I was a kid (I was the original "put her to bed, and find her downstairs half an hour later" kid). It's called "Time for Bed" by Mem Fox. It's cute, and a child-friendly way to tell a kid that everyone needs their sleep.