No place like it.

[kyburg]

I had significantly less internet time that I had anticipated. Yes, the hotel had it (completely unsecured, no less), and Mom's house has service - but there just wasn't time enough to sit unencumbered and write anything. And as wide-open as that part of Kentucky is (seriously, everything is horses, cows or grass as far as you can see), it was largely people on top of people. In every way, this was an intensely social experience - and while that has its joys, it was also as much work as I had anticipated.

I don't know what people have against the word 'work' - it's appropriate to the effort expended and to its type. You are attempting to negotiate socially through other's established expectations without tripping. You are making sure your (and your family's) needs are met without pushing or shoving your way to the front of every line. Anticipating what your travel plans are going to demand to ensure you don't leave anything last minute (because, let's face it, that stuff is entirely on you and making everyone scramble for your lack of planning is just plain dickish behavior).

Reducing your impact as much as possible. Being a good guest.

There's very little room for autopilot - it's very much a command performance, whether it is intended to be or not.

So. It was everything I had expected, and then some.

Aside from actual family interactions?

Let me tick off the list.

I had people tell me how to parent my kid in the airport terminals.

I had so many people 'compliment' my kid by telling me they'd love to take him home with them that by day three, I had to have the conversation in the car about how WE were his parents and NOBODY else was going to take him home with them. (And to Xander's credit, he was very adamant about going home only with HIS Mommy and HIS Daddy.) No, we both never left our kid home with anyone else, family or not. We could turn him loose to play with the other kids, but only when one of us was within reach. He did not need to keep checking on where we were - at least, I didn't see it. That's a mark of the comfort he had with the rest of the family.

He's so cute. Yes, we know. I am also certain when he's in his teens, I am going to hear just how sick and tired he got of hearing that. On the way home, we literally had two other Chinese kids glued to us in the terminal at Louisville (they were travelling with grandparents) talking about Pokemon - and is he adopted or something? - and I can't help thinking they were very happy to see another Asian face near their own age.

Let's hear it for parenting classes. All this and more was expected and I wasn't overprepared in the least.

Jim has a Korean aunt, hapa cousins - which didn't hurt - but. Even Xander confronted Auntie about why she was different. Yup, he noticed.

I don't know if folks saw the stress, or even believed me when I spoke about it - but thankfully, it was never disabling. It was present, trust me. By day 8 or 9, the lovies came out and were carried around during the day - under normal conditions, they only get attention at night or when he's not feeling well. And carrying as much of his possessions as he can put in his arms is a clear sign of displacement stress - we were about 3/4's of the way there. I would hear about 'are my kitties waiting for me?' at night. Of course they were, dear. Of course.

We loved the hotel for the first four nights while Mom's house had other family residing there for the family reunion - maybe there were cheaper accomodations, but we've done those (and the last one had me on the floor with only three hours sleep the last time) and planning ahead? Lovely experience all on its own, and wouldn't have missed it. Also, being on the Berea campus itself (the hotel is a work-study provider for the college) provided more racial diversity than anywhere else during our visit - an unexpected benefit. There was also a fudge store next door, with a toy store next to that. Almost as if they were expecting us. ^^

Jim's Father's Day was brunch at the hotel, just the three of us.

How much more detail to go into, hmmm. There always seemed to be a genuine effort to keep everything simple and superficial - which might be appropriate to a large group of folks who might only breathe room air together once or twice a year - and us, even more rarely.

I kept getting asked 'aren't you HOT?' on Saturday. Well, I am wearing long pants, t-shirt and sneakers - on a day where the heat index was over 114. That's 94 + 95% humidity, I think - but I didn't stand outside in the sun to broil, ate modestly and drank fluids. I'm also an old desert rat from Hemet, and yeah - it was hot. So? Kid didn't have a single problem with it, but Dad about melted into the pavement.

The amount of air-conditioning was amazing. Yes, it was hot outside, but everywhere we went, we were greeted by crisp, COLD air upon hitting the doors of any building. Easily a 20+ delta. And the humidity had to be more than 50% less indoors than out. Kid developed a nosebleed the last night there, and that's my only possible explanation.

Somethings that made me shake my head:

I got carded. No, seriously. I got carded at a Buffalo Wild Wings at dinner one night - and the only explanation I have is I had a preschool aged child, and only one of them. "You must feel really young!" is what I was offered when I happily protested my nearly 50 years of age. Um. Do that many women have their first kids that far below the legal drinking age? I certainly saw enough young women with children - and providing for small children was clearly more interesting there than here. Here, you'd be told to cross your legs.

News reports on the local station were interesting in that 'oh, that's considered important?' sort of way - a small child had drowned for the second time in a backyard pool, almost a year to the day after the first incident. The photo provided with the broadcast was a cute little girl with floaties, noodles, goggles, the works. Drowned. Twice. Same pool, same adult supervising - and the primary concern expressed by the family? They didn't like being 'blamed' for it. Does blame have a literal weight and value? And as for the reporting? Repetition is newsworthy - that's the primary reason they're reporting the story at all. (I hope everything turned out okay - never heard anything further.)

Conversation with an out-of-work cousin:

Us: So, what kind of work would you like to go into?
Him: I want to get into the military.
Us: Really? What do you want to do?
Him: Sniper school. I want to shoot people.
Me: You realize that that's not considered a viable life skill, right?

(Really. You want to defend the borders, join the Coast Guard. Only branch of the military directly under the Department of Homeland Defense. PSA for the day.)

You know what's good for jet lag? Pokemon is good for jet lag. There were many early (and late) hours when at least two of the three of us were playing on our DS machines. I finally finished Pearl, and started Silver on the way home.

The sheer amount of unaware racism was amazing. At least one relative or two was certain - dead certain - there was no hope for anyone not black in this country today. Why, because we have a black man as President? It just didn't register. Said a lot more about expectations about what was anticipated by race. And that something really had been done to POC and reciprocation was coming...soon. Because.

My kid was adorable. He's also amazingly well-behaved, mischievous, scary smart and full of beans. I would have appreciated hearing anything else besides adorable - it verged on labeling him like a commodity. I know some parents have been asked how much their children cost - is this akin to that? I'd need more experience with parents of small, adorable children. Two cents requested, guys.

I'm still able to talk car repair with reasonable comfort - but I hadn't done it in decades. Hey, this is how I got through college - POS car, lots of time keeping it on the road? Boy, that takes me back, let me tell you!

We're going to have to add something to Jim's health screenings from now on - there's Type II in the last three generations, including his.

We also did get down to Tennessee to visit his grandparents' graves and pay our respects - that was also something of an experience. The whole place was covered in silk flower arrangements. I mean. ALL. Trying to explain that this is something completely out of my experience (yes, we leave things at the gravesite, but not something so completely artificial), it was another touchstone moment.

Make it look good.

Make it consistent.

Make it predictable.

There were more BUGS than kid had ever seen, and there were nets to catch them with. Fireflies were present and caught - video taken of same - and there kid was still catching butterflies five minutes before we left. No, we did not bring the nets back with us.

Big hamburger cows, with baby beef in the fields. Horses. Dogs. Just a few cats, which is probably why I kept hearing about missing ours at home.

Great big thunderstorms that dropped buckets of water. Big gusty winds. Lightning.

And everything green, green, green. Here, that's a season, and it's only a few months long before it dries out and browns in the summer, and then burns in the fall and winter.

I could only imagine how it must have been for Jim - but he didn't cope with the weather well, matter of fact, he was affected the most of the three of us and didn't feel well a lot of the time.

I'm glad to be home.

And we were so focused on this trip we completely vaped that Anime Expo is this week. D'OH.

Rushing to catch up, as we speak.

Comments

[terredancer.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear that all three of you... survived, if nothing else. :)

A couple of things I will say, though, from whatever limited experience I had from my childhood spent in the holler near Ashland...

There are many things about KY that sadden me. The fact that my parents always had to skive off to OH if they wanted to have alcohol is one of them. Also the unaware racism. I think when I was younger, I wasn't so aware of it, or the people I was around weren't as obvious about it.

Now, with distance, sometimes I wonder whether - at least in some of the rural areas like where my family was based - they haven't gotten that far past the idea that you were an old maid at 13.

And I know it won't help at all, but it was common for my Kentucky relatives to talk about keeping me. According to stories my family has told, it started during my first visit there, when I was probably about six months old, at the oldest.

There are things I miss about the place, but it's really nothing I can get back. Oh, the stories. I miss the stories, because my family and the people around my family who lived in those hills told the best stories and tall tales in the world. The people... well, most of them have passed on by now, either by losing their pure stubborn determination not to let Death win, or by coal dust.

[lolleeroberts.livejournal.com]

Well, at least people weren't threatening to eat him up. Or at least I hope not. Yeah, the adorable thing gets old, but it's seen as innocuous and is self-evident. Smarts, poise, etc. may not be as immediately apparent and often seem to carry a negative subthread - and sometimes with Asian children there's a fear that it may be seen as a cultural stereotype.

I'm glad he was clear on who his mommy and daddy were and that he was ONLY going home with you.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Yes, they did! That was the refrain to 'he's SO adorable -' and often the next verse. I'm pretty quick to say thank you, but often I'll add something about how good a child he is, or the like.

Third day, glued to either one of us. No, we're not going to do that. He actually was pretty cheesed, to be blunt - come to think of it.

[sekl.livejournal.com]

Yep. They are required by law to card every one who looks under 30. You have a kid and you don't look 50 therefore you get carded. Because with a kid you must be under 30, right? Happens to me and friends even here buying wine in the grocery store. No kids, rarely carded.

But still, scary thought that underage drinking mothers could be an epidemic...

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

You're required to do that here - but I haven't been carded in so many years, I can't recall it now.

Hon, I *look* my years. Seriously.

[magaliiiii.livejournal.com]

I may not have one, but I've carted enough of them around since I was 16 (often being asked if I was the mom) to know that 'adorable' is simply the most well-meaning compliment most people can think of to give you about a child they haven't known that long. I don't know why you're surprised - usually "nice" or "cool" is the best people come up with after meeting a person for the same time; why would they be any more original when describing a child?

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

You know, I don't know where I got this idea, but I don't address anyone in the third person if I can avoid it. If someone introduces me to their kid, that's my cue to get down to eye level and say hi back to them. I just do. 'Wow, that's a cool shirt' is as close to an appearence-related compliment I come.

Yes, I am weird. I guess?

[sageautumn.livejournal.com]

I live in Georgetown, and have a ton of adorable (and smart, and often mannerly) cousins. They all get told people want to take them home all.the.time! And also most of them get adorable.

The only one I can think of that doesn't is a 6 year old boy who is crazy-crazy-well behaved. That's what gets commented on with him. I think it's because he's a boy and it's unexpected for any kids that age to be as thoughful and kind and well-behaved as he is, plus he's just past the baby stage and well into kid-dom.

And the green... it is the season, but WOW have we had the rain this year! And it's really hot for June.

[ms-hecubus.livejournal.com]

Welcome home!

[popfiend.livejournal.com]

Just *hug*!