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kyburgWhat's with the melancholy baby stuff today? My mind is weaving and dancing through memory - good, bad, indifferent...but generally with regret overlaying most of the reverie.
Well, let's see. Mom turned 77 yesterday and I got to sit down and eat a meal with all of my siblings, four of their children and one of their grandchildren. The location was suitably historic, the food sumptuous (and expensive) and the gift expensive and unique. Practically perfect in every way.
Then I remember that my sister is still painting people into financial corners - why, oh why does she seem to think my niece (who makes half what I do and has to support both she and her son on it) can pull $50 out of her ass for a Sunday Brunch?
So I pulled $100 out of mine. Brunch was $25 a plate, plus tip. And the $12 valet parking.
That doesn't begin to touch on my older brother who has three sons who use him like a cash register, and one was eating at the table with us.
And the other brother whose idea this all was - and I love him dearly for it.
Ah, family. Fuck me.
My mind trails back to Jim's grandmother in Tennessee who won't be with us much longer - who, after meeting me twice, wants to see me again one more time before she dies. Financially - UGH. But how do I see this?
I can't really find the money without sinking us. But I'm the only one she *specifically* asked to return - not one of her own grandchildren did she make the same request of.
Fuck me.
She likes me? Yeah, I guess I should be grateful and pleased and flattered....and I don't want to let her down. Such attention is rarely paid to one such as I -
And I remember Cliff - and how I tried to never let him down, but how often I had to do things I cringe at now because there was no money to do them. And how little it was appreciated - there is such confusion in those memories, no doubt because there was such confusion when they were made - !! - did he love me, and if so - why did he do and say and do all the things I've had to stammer and explain and justify and...and...and....
*sigh* Okay, just fuck me again and get it over with.
Added a whole bunch of people to my friends list - play nice together, okay? Party of the first part and all that stuff.
It's nice to be me - I have you all to listen and play with.
Still searching for others...and tweeing along my interests, I keep bumping up against happy twenty-something shojo-ai girls looking for the perfect woman to make their lives complete. What da ?
*shrug* Got to go get some more artwork to play with - the cute lil' Kenshin is just that...but there's got to be more.
Lovely, beautiful day here by the beach - sunny, no clouds, no heat and just enough wind to make the trees sway. Cedric called early today and wanted lunch - but I was ready to hear more bad news...but no, he just wasn't going to court today and now had the day free.
And more memories. Ah, f-
I said that already.
Well, let's see. Mom turned 77 yesterday and I got to sit down and eat a meal with all of my siblings, four of their children and one of their grandchildren. The location was suitably historic, the food sumptuous (and expensive) and the gift expensive and unique. Practically perfect in every way.
Then I remember that my sister is still painting people into financial corners - why, oh why does she seem to think my niece (who makes half what I do and has to support both she and her son on it) can pull $50 out of her ass for a Sunday Brunch?
So I pulled $100 out of mine. Brunch was $25 a plate, plus tip. And the $12 valet parking.
That doesn't begin to touch on my older brother who has three sons who use him like a cash register, and one was eating at the table with us.
And the other brother whose idea this all was - and I love him dearly for it.
Ah, family. Fuck me.
My mind trails back to Jim's grandmother in Tennessee who won't be with us much longer - who, after meeting me twice, wants to see me again one more time before she dies. Financially - UGH. But how do I see this?
I can't really find the money without sinking us. But I'm the only one she *specifically* asked to return - not one of her own grandchildren did she make the same request of.
Fuck me.
She likes me? Yeah, I guess I should be grateful and pleased and flattered....and I don't want to let her down. Such attention is rarely paid to one such as I -
And I remember Cliff - and how I tried to never let him down, but how often I had to do things I cringe at now because there was no money to do them. And how little it was appreciated - there is such confusion in those memories, no doubt because there was such confusion when they were made - !! - did he love me, and if so - why did he do and say and do all the things I've had to stammer and explain and justify and...and...and....
*sigh* Okay, just fuck me again and get it over with.
Added a whole bunch of people to my friends list - play nice together, okay? Party of the first part and all that stuff.
It's nice to be me - I have you all to listen and play with.
Still searching for others...and tweeing along my interests, I keep bumping up against happy twenty-something shojo-ai girls looking for the perfect woman to make their lives complete. What da ?
*shrug* Got to go get some more artwork to play with - the cute lil' Kenshin is just that...but there's got to be more.
Lovely, beautiful day here by the beach - sunny, no clouds, no heat and just enough wind to make the trees sway. Cedric called early today and wanted lunch - but I was ready to hear more bad news...but no, he just wasn't going to court today and now had the day free.
And more memories. Ah, f-
I said that already.
