That was the weekend it was -

I've said it before, I'll say it again.

If it wasn't for the friends I made watching anime, I would be DEAD MEAT right now. So much for fandom being bad for you. Come to think of it, I don't know many folks who would identify as being 'fannish' anymore. We just like stuff, and hang well together.

Some of us even work conventions together, over and over again.

When we were offered Xander's referral, we looked at our support system and found a large number of native Mandarin speakers were in our circle of friends we worked AOD for/with, and that gave us that wee bit of confidence that no matter what, this kid would not be the only one of him he would see. And be able to continue the language with. (Me? Guys, I'm working karaoke and don't sing because I suck that badly at it. My Mandarin is WORSE.)

I'd been holding some things for when Hank had some time on a weekend when he was down in my area - he's on the committee, so he's been cleared to see stuff rated Classified with regards to the adoption. I don't know if he really had any idea the degree he was going to get exposed to the bad stuff, but if I ever had any reservations that Hank was made of pure hammered 24K awesome, this weekend cinched it.

Jim videotaped a large part of the time spent at St. Lucy's when the foster family brought Xander in to be united with us - that's recommended, because in the press of the first impressions, you might forget something that was said or a question you had answered.

In our case, we have the actual hand-off from Xander's foster mother to me. He's been told this is your new Mommy and Daddy, they're not anymore and they are going away forever - right now.

There's a lot being said I can't understand - the staff wasn't telling us - and I have a little boy crying for his Mama and doesn't want her to go. That's all I knew.

This is also very simple langauge for about twenty minutes of videotape that breaks me every time I see it. He had been prepared for months with pictures of us, a care package, video of us with his tricycle, me reading him a book...but this is visceral and so many kinds of wrong, I can't express it.

I had to know what she was telling him with her last words to him. Was she saying goodbye, to behave, see you later...what?

I'd warned Hank it was big stuff. To his credit, he didn't flinch upon watching it (or seeing me burst into tears)...but asked to have the volume turned up so he could hear better.

What a guy.

I'm both relieved and sad at the same time. There are no emotional bombs dropped - nothing I need to watch for (there are stories of relinquishment of foster children to adoption where the foster mother tells the child 'I'll see you later' and the poor kid waits at the window - literally - for her to return for the rest of their lives. Things like that - ), but there is one piece of information that helps make sense. 'This' Mommy and Daddy. He had one Mommy and Daddy, now he has 'this Mommy and Daddy.' Boy, this could get interesting, quick - I'm going to have some work ahead explaining there is now only us, and there won't be any other 'Mommy and Daddy' ever again, and that none of us are disposable.

What is being said to try to comfort him? They're telling him about the bicycle in America, and the plane trip he's going to be taking. Yeah, it worked about as well as you'd expect.

I went back through the photo albums they left with me, with Hank - to get an idea of what the captions on the photos were. I have pictures of Xander from five months of age from them, in addition to the nursery photo from the hospital the day he was born.

An amazing treasure. And while the intention is to have Xander in Chinese school as soon as it makes sense (I'm thinking within the next two years), there is no guarantee he'll take to it well enough to remain fluent in it or even want anything to do with it. (He does appear to retain interest in it right now - talking about Spongebob being in Mandarin, he picked up on me saying the name in Mandarin correctly and piped up with the name in English with absolute glee. There's hope...maybe...for me. It would be my sixth language, if so.)

There's so much of this that my heart wishes wasn't so. My head knows it, comprehends how the cultures are not working the way I'm used to and the end result is something that makes no literal sense to me. I'm getting smacked with my own privilege, and having Hank to vent to (he was five when he immigrated to American from Taiwan himself with his family) with that level of cultural sensitivity - he GETS it - is absolutely beyond measure.

It wouldn't be until Sunday night after the kid was in bed and verifiably dead to the world that I was able to give Jim the information gleaned. I also had to be very firm with Xander to the point of multiple time-outs, one-on-one 'look me in the eye' engagements over eating dinner in less than two hours that night, and kid pressed Jim even harder. He's four - that's his job. And when I have to tell kiddo that I'm doing my job making sure he eats his dinner and cuddle him at the same time? It feels right, even though I regret being so stern afterward.

He's also asking if he's going to be big like Mommy and Daddy - of course you are! (This is after we show him baby pictures of us for comparison, of course.) Is he going to be 6'4"? Probably not so much. ^^ I'm not going to say. He also likes Jim's beard and would like one as well, BTW. That is also something else I can't say about.

I was also a total wuss about trinkets all weekend. Oh, well. I didn't buy him a DS or a XBox, so nyah.

This, plus an agency brunch on Saturday morning that went surprisingly well (and may have garnered us a playdate family - until they bring home their third child from China, they just got their referral after 3.5 years) and a Sunday service that was just amazing (I've really found a place that works for us. Can still hardly believe it - ), held outside with the pets for blessings and they actually sang the Unicorn Song I've loved since I was a little myself during services. (And well, too.)

Hank also bought me some of my favorite sake at my favorite place to sit with buds and chill on Saturday night, driving me there and home again. I sure hope he isn't wondering why I jump at any chance to spend time and complain about the 'lack of Hank' we perpetually experience. (I was a total goof and sounded like a spazz even to my own ears. Oh well.)

That was my weekend. I have a Halloween costume to get made, and I'm tearing up over every silly thing.

This morning, when the alarm went off and the kid did not get up with it, Jim went in and brought him back to bed with us for a few minutes. Lots of snuggling and falling back asleep until we pointed out that Hiroshi was sleeping at the foot of the bed and that was IMMEDIATE AWAKE AND HUG KITTY time.

I need to spend more time with my friends that live far away. You do that with people who do that for you. I just don't know how to make that happen. 9_9

That was the weekend it was -

I've said it before, I'll say it again.

If it wasn't for the friends I made watching anime, I would be DEAD MEAT right now. So much for fandom being bad for you. Come to think of it, I don't know many folks who would identify as being 'fannish' anymore. We just like stuff, and hang well together.

Some of us even work conventions together, over and over again.

When we were offered Xander's referral, we looked at our support system and found a large number of native Mandarin speakers were in our circle of friends we worked AOD for/with, and that gave us that wee bit of confidence that no matter what, this kid would not be the only one of him he would see. And be able to continue the language with. (Me? Guys, I'm working karaoke and don't sing because I suck that badly at it. My Mandarin is WORSE.)

I'd been holding some things for when Hank had some time on a weekend when he was down in my area - he's on the committee, so he's been cleared to see stuff rated Classified with regards to the adoption. I don't know if he really had any idea the degree he was going to get exposed to the bad stuff, but if I ever had any reservations that Hank was made of pure hammered 24K awesome, this weekend cinched it.

Jim videotaped a large part of the time spent at St. Lucy's when the foster family brought Xander in to be united with us - that's recommended, because in the press of the first impressions, you might forget something that was said or a question you had answered.

In our case, we have the actual hand-off from Xander's foster mother to me. He's been told this is your new Mommy and Daddy, they're not anymore and they are going away forever - right now.

There's a lot being said I can't understand - the staff wasn't telling us - and I have a little boy crying for his Mama and doesn't want her to go. That's all I knew.

This is also very simple langauge for about twenty minutes of videotape that breaks me every time I see it. He had been prepared for months with pictures of us, a care package, video of us with his tricycle, me reading him a book...but this is visceral and so many kinds of wrong, I can't express it.

I had to know what she was telling him with her last words to him. Was she saying goodbye, to behave, see you later...what?

I'd warned Hank it was big stuff. To his credit, he didn't flinch upon watching it (or seeing me burst into tears)...but asked to have the volume turned up so he could hear better.

What a guy.

I'm both relieved and sad at the same time. There are no emotional bombs dropped - nothing I need to watch for (there are stories of relinquishment of foster children to adoption where the foster mother tells the child 'I'll see you later' and the poor kid waits at the window - literally - for her to return for the rest of their lives. Things like that - ), but there is one piece of information that helps make sense. 'This' Mommy and Daddy. He had one Mommy and Daddy, now he has 'this Mommy and Daddy.' Boy, this could get interesting, quick - I'm going to have some work ahead explaining there is now only us, and there won't be any other 'Mommy and Daddy' ever again, and that none of us are disposable.

What is being said to try to comfort him? They're telling him about the bicycle in America, and the plane trip he's going to be taking. Yeah, it worked about as well as you'd expect.

I went back through the photo albums they left with me, with Hank - to get an idea of what the captions on the photos were. I have pictures of Xander from five months of age from them, in addition to the nursery photo from the hospital the day he was born.

An amazing treasure. And while the intention is to have Xander in Chinese school as soon as it makes sense (I'm thinking within the next two years), there is no guarantee he'll take to it well enough to remain fluent in it or even want anything to do with it. (He does appear to retain interest in it right now - talking about Spongebob being in Mandarin, he picked up on me saying the name in Mandarin correctly and piped up with the name in English with absolute glee. There's hope...maybe...for me. It would be my sixth language, if so.)

There's so much of this that my heart wishes wasn't so. My head knows it, comprehends how the cultures are not working the way I'm used to and the end result is something that makes no literal sense to me. I'm getting smacked with my own privilege, and having Hank to vent to (he was five when he immigrated to American from Taiwan himself with his family) with that level of cultural sensitivity - he GETS it - is absolutely beyond measure.

It wouldn't be until Sunday night after the kid was in bed and verifiably dead to the world that I was able to give Jim the information gleaned. I also had to be very firm with Xander to the point of multiple time-outs, one-on-one 'look me in the eye' engagements over eating dinner in less than two hours that night, and kid pressed Jim even harder. He's four - that's his job. And when I have to tell kiddo that I'm doing my job making sure he eats his dinner and cuddle him at the same time? It feels right, even though I regret being so stern afterward.

He's also asking if he's going to be big like Mommy and Daddy - of course you are! (This is after we show him baby pictures of us for comparison, of course.) Is he going to be 6'4"? Probably not so much. ^^ I'm not going to say. He also likes Jim's beard and would like one as well, BTW. That is also something else I can't say about.

I was also a total wuss about trinkets all weekend. Oh, well. I didn't buy him a DS or a XBox, so nyah.

This, plus an agency brunch on Saturday morning that went surprisingly well (and may have garnered us a playdate family - until they bring home their third child from China, they just got their referral after 3.5 years) and a Sunday service that was just amazing (I've really found a place that works for us. Can still hardly believe it - ), held outside with the pets for blessings and they actually sang the Unicorn Song I've loved since I was a little myself during services. (And well, too.)

Hank also bought me some of my favorite sake at my favorite place to sit with buds and chill on Saturday night, driving me there and home again. I sure hope he isn't wondering why I jump at any chance to spend time and complain about the 'lack of Hank' we perpetually experience. (I was a total goof and sounded like a spazz even to my own ears. Oh well.)

That was my weekend. I have a Halloween costume to get made, and I'm tearing up over every silly thing.

This morning, when the alarm went off and the kid did not get up with it, Jim went in and brought him back to bed with us for a few minutes. Lots of snuggling and falling back asleep until we pointed out that Hiroshi was sleeping at the foot of the bed and that was IMMEDIATE AWAKE AND HUG KITTY time.

I need to spend more time with my friends that live far away. You do that with people who do that for you. I just don't know how to make that happen. 9_9

That was the weekend it was -

I've said it before, I'll say it again.

If it wasn't for the friends I made watching anime, I would be DEAD MEAT right now. So much for fandom being bad for you. Come to think of it, I don't know many folks who would identify as being 'fannish' anymore. We just like stuff, and hang well together.

Some of us even work conventions together, over and over again.

When we were offered Xander's referral, we looked at our support system and found a large number of native Mandarin speakers were in our circle of friends we worked AOD for/with, and that gave us that wee bit of confidence that no matter what, this kid would not be the only one of him he would see. And be able to continue the language with. (Me? Guys, I'm working karaoke and don't sing because I suck that badly at it. My Mandarin is WORSE.)

I'd been holding some things for when Hank had some time on a weekend when he was down in my area - he's on the committee, so he's been cleared to see stuff rated Classified with regards to the adoption. I don't know if he really had any idea the degree he was going to get exposed to the bad stuff, but if I ever had any reservations that Hank was made of pure hammered 24K awesome, this weekend cinched it.

Jim videotaped a large part of the time spent at St. Lucy's when the foster family brought Xander in to be united with us - that's recommended, because in the press of the first impressions, you might forget something that was said or a question you had answered.

In our case, we have the actual hand-off from Xander's foster mother to me. He's been told this is your new Mommy and Daddy, they're not anymore and they are going away forever - right now.

There's a lot being said I can't understand - the staff wasn't telling us - and I have a little boy crying for his Mama and doesn't want her to go. That's all I knew.

This is also very simple langauge for about twenty minutes of videotape that breaks me every time I see it. He had been prepared for months with pictures of us, a care package, video of us with his tricycle, me reading him a book...but this is visceral and so many kinds of wrong, I can't express it.

I had to know what she was telling him with her last words to him. Was she saying goodbye, to behave, see you later...what?

I'd warned Hank it was big stuff. To his credit, he didn't flinch upon watching it (or seeing me burst into tears)...but asked to have the volume turned up so he could hear better.

What a guy.

I'm both relieved and sad at the same time. There are no emotional bombs dropped - nothing I need to watch for (there are stories of relinquishment of foster children to adoption where the foster mother tells the child 'I'll see you later' and the poor kid waits at the window - literally - for her to return for the rest of their lives. Things like that - ), but there is one piece of information that helps make sense. 'This' Mommy and Daddy. He had one Mommy and Daddy, now he has 'this Mommy and Daddy.' Boy, this could get interesting, quick - I'm going to have some work ahead explaining there is now only us, and there won't be any other 'Mommy and Daddy' ever again, and that none of us are disposable.

What is being said to try to comfort him? They're telling him about the bicycle in America, and the plane trip he's going to be taking. Yeah, it worked about as well as you'd expect.

I went back through the photo albums they left with me, with Hank - to get an idea of what the captions on the photos were. I have pictures of Xander from five months of age from them, in addition to the nursery photo from the hospital the day he was born.

An amazing treasure. And while the intention is to have Xander in Chinese school as soon as it makes sense (I'm thinking within the next two years), there is no guarantee he'll take to it well enough to remain fluent in it or even want anything to do with it. (He does appear to retain interest in it right now - talking about Spongebob being in Mandarin, he picked up on me saying the name in Mandarin correctly and piped up with the name in English with absolute glee. There's hope...maybe...for me. It would be my sixth language, if so.)

There's so much of this that my heart wishes wasn't so. My head knows it, comprehends how the cultures are not working the way I'm used to and the end result is something that makes no literal sense to me. I'm getting smacked with my own privilege, and having Hank to vent to (he was five when he immigrated to American from Taiwan himself with his family) with that level of cultural sensitivity - he GETS it - is absolutely beyond measure.

It wouldn't be until Sunday night after the kid was in bed and verifiably dead to the world that I was able to give Jim the information gleaned. I also had to be very firm with Xander to the point of multiple time-outs, one-on-one 'look me in the eye' engagements over eating dinner in less than two hours that night, and kid pressed Jim even harder. He's four - that's his job. And when I have to tell kiddo that I'm doing my job making sure he eats his dinner and cuddle him at the same time? It feels right, even though I regret being so stern afterward.

He's also asking if he's going to be big like Mommy and Daddy - of course you are! (This is after we show him baby pictures of us for comparison, of course.) Is he going to be 6'4"? Probably not so much. ^^ I'm not going to say. He also likes Jim's beard and would like one as well, BTW. That is also something else I can't say about.

I was also a total wuss about trinkets all weekend. Oh, well. I didn't buy him a DS or a XBox, so nyah.

This, plus an agency brunch on Saturday morning that went surprisingly well (and may have garnered us a playdate family - until they bring home their third child from China, they just got their referral after 3.5 years) and a Sunday service that was just amazing (I've really found a place that works for us. Can still hardly believe it - ), held outside with the pets for blessings and they actually sang the Unicorn Song I've loved since I was a little myself during services. (And well, too.)

Hank also bought me some of my favorite sake at my favorite place to sit with buds and chill on Saturday night, driving me there and home again. I sure hope he isn't wondering why I jump at any chance to spend time and complain about the 'lack of Hank' we perpetually experience. (I was a total goof and sounded like a spazz even to my own ears. Oh well.)

That was my weekend. I have a Halloween costume to get made, and I'm tearing up over every silly thing.

This morning, when the alarm went off and the kid did not get up with it, Jim went in and brought him back to bed with us for a few minutes. Lots of snuggling and falling back asleep until we pointed out that Hiroshi was sleeping at the foot of the bed and that was IMMEDIATE AWAKE AND HUG KITTY time.

I need to spend more time with my friends that live far away. You do that with people who do that for you. I just don't know how to make that happen. 9_9