kyburg | Ten Years of Freedom

I was just a smidge more eloquent last year.

Yup. It's that time again. This year, it's a nice round number.

I took

catsonmars with me to visit Cliff and pay my regards. It entailed collecting his rocks and returning them to his headstone, brushing it off and making sure it was still in good repair.

I brought sake (and asked Tommy to bring some bread to keep me safe to drive) and we toasted him, and left some for him behind. I also brought sunflowers - I remembered how much Cliff hated roses and fussy flowers. If I could have collected some wildflowers, that would have been great. But so help me, he was going to have someone decorate the place at least once a year. I saw no evidence anyone else had been there since I'd last visited, and that makes me sad.

I got the impression he was watching. But I also think he's gotten what he always wanted from me - I've gone on with my life, and he's good with that.

I also spent most of the day remembering how much of our marriage he spent out of work. Months at a time. If you added it up, it was years...and so much of our lives were impacted by it. Hell, the whole stay in Switzerland was attributable to that - so while it was awful, stressful and scary, it did do some things for my life that would never have happened otherwise.

Yes, it's been ten years. I feel every day of it today.