They tell you you'll have days like this.
Jun. 1st, 2009 03:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyburgNo, really. They do.
"How are you going to come to terms with the reality that your child's birth parents gave them up? And remember, you probably will never know why either."
You sit in that room, take it in and roll around your head in the most academic of fashions - I mean, how else? It was a decision someone else made with the intentions they had, with the facts known at the time - their desires, their needs, all of that.
End result - we have the kid, and she made it possible. Badabing.
In Taiwan, this is made every more bald with a court process that is as transparent as you can get. (I don't know it's always been this way, but it was this year.)
Her fingerprints are on the documents, right next to the words 'you are giving up your child forever. You understand this.'
She could have taken him back before signing and printing the documents, no questions asked. She didn't.
His first father is not mentioned anywhere.
It's very, VERY clear she loved him. Hell, he wouldn't even be here if she didn't have some inkling towards him - abortions are not uncommon or unavailable.
We're told she didn't have the means to raise him.
His foster family took him home from the hospital, after he had been there for 17 days (not a couple of weeks, or something less precise. 17 days - they counted) when it was clear his first mother could not take him home.
Clearly, they loved him. I'm told they also did not have the means to raise him, that's why he was released for adoption...and had been from the day they had brought him home.
Because of the hypothyroid diagnosis. Which is now pretty clear they did not confirm before the final court documents. If they had, they would have found out immediately they had been overtreating him and he no longer needed the medication.
They did not check. I was told they had, but now - I'm not sure I believe them.
Keep in mind, I saw this myself - they loved him. You can't fake it. We even have videotape and believe me, I'm going to make sure there's archival copies.
No, it was better for him to be adopted, be torn away from the family he knew, language, world, everything...my head is just not taking it without choking on it.
They loved him. He had a ton of people who loved and adored him.
You could have kept him. If you had only checked.
Or, like his first father - they didn't document what they knew. Maybe that's what it was. So the adoption could continue.
Why did you make us do this to him?
He's the sweetest kid - I really get blindsided when he does something that hits a button because I don't see it coming. You should see him with the cats - he's never done so much as pull a tail or whiskers, albeit he's had a healthy curiousity about them. Hiroshi has been laid on, hugged and petted, Rei jumped up on him last night going to sleep and allowed him to pet her into purrs (we had to put her down because she was too much of a distraction for him to sleep) and Kibo just scoots out of the way.
He's our kid now, and will be from now on - and my head knows a kid has to lose everything to be my kid in adoption - but right now, it's MY kid who has lost everything, MY kid who had all these people who loved him but wouldn't keep him, MY little baby - who didn't deserve this.
And I still have to tell him no and scold him, make him eat his dinner, and go to sleep at night when he doesn't want to. Because I can't spoil him out of the adoption either.
Nobody would ever mean to do this - and I can't get the 'meant to be' either.
Or is it just my POV talking? I'm sure it is.
The decisions were made before anyone even talked to us - and nobody changed their mind or showed any reluctance to go through with it. We had nothing to do with their decision to place him for adoption. We were just acceptable people for the job, and decided he should be ours.
But they loved him. They did it - I saw it.
They loved him - and they gave him up. With the resources they needed to raise him, they gave him up.
That's my belief, and I'll never understand it. And at times, I might be downright upset about it.
(There's a lot of feelings involved in this game - if I wanted boredom, this isn't the way to get it. ^^)
I'm also going to leave this out in the open - I am dearly in debt to everyone in his life prior to coming to us. He is who is he because of them.
I just wish I could tell them that. And ask...why.
"How are you going to come to terms with the reality that your child's birth parents gave them up? And remember, you probably will never know why either."
You sit in that room, take it in and roll around your head in the most academic of fashions - I mean, how else? It was a decision someone else made with the intentions they had, with the facts known at the time - their desires, their needs, all of that.
End result - we have the kid, and she made it possible. Badabing.
In Taiwan, this is made every more bald with a court process that is as transparent as you can get. (I don't know it's always been this way, but it was this year.)
Her fingerprints are on the documents, right next to the words 'you are giving up your child forever. You understand this.'
She could have taken him back before signing and printing the documents, no questions asked. She didn't.
His first father is not mentioned anywhere.
It's very, VERY clear she loved him. Hell, he wouldn't even be here if she didn't have some inkling towards him - abortions are not uncommon or unavailable.
We're told she didn't have the means to raise him.
His foster family took him home from the hospital, after he had been there for 17 days (not a couple of weeks, or something less precise. 17 days - they counted) when it was clear his first mother could not take him home.
Clearly, they loved him. I'm told they also did not have the means to raise him, that's why he was released for adoption...and had been from the day they had brought him home.
Because of the hypothyroid diagnosis. Which is now pretty clear they did not confirm before the final court documents. If they had, they would have found out immediately they had been overtreating him and he no longer needed the medication.
They did not check. I was told they had, but now - I'm not sure I believe them.
Keep in mind, I saw this myself - they loved him. You can't fake it. We even have videotape and believe me, I'm going to make sure there's archival copies.
No, it was better for him to be adopted, be torn away from the family he knew, language, world, everything...my head is just not taking it without choking on it.
They loved him. He had a ton of people who loved and adored him.
You could have kept him. If you had only checked.
Or, like his first father - they didn't document what they knew. Maybe that's what it was. So the adoption could continue.
Why did you make us do this to him?
He's the sweetest kid - I really get blindsided when he does something that hits a button because I don't see it coming. You should see him with the cats - he's never done so much as pull a tail or whiskers, albeit he's had a healthy curiousity about them. Hiroshi has been laid on, hugged and petted, Rei jumped up on him last night going to sleep and allowed him to pet her into purrs (we had to put her down because she was too much of a distraction for him to sleep) and Kibo just scoots out of the way.
He's our kid now, and will be from now on - and my head knows a kid has to lose everything to be my kid in adoption - but right now, it's MY kid who has lost everything, MY kid who had all these people who loved him but wouldn't keep him, MY little baby - who didn't deserve this.
And I still have to tell him no and scold him, make him eat his dinner, and go to sleep at night when he doesn't want to. Because I can't spoil him out of the adoption either.
Nobody would ever mean to do this - and I can't get the 'meant to be' either.
Or is it just my POV talking? I'm sure it is.
The decisions were made before anyone even talked to us - and nobody changed their mind or showed any reluctance to go through with it. We had nothing to do with their decision to place him for adoption. We were just acceptable people for the job, and decided he should be ours.
But they loved him. They did it - I saw it.
They loved him - and they gave him up. With the resources they needed to raise him, they gave him up.
That's my belief, and I'll never understand it. And at times, I might be downright upset about it.
(There's a lot of feelings involved in this game - if I wanted boredom, this isn't the way to get it. ^^)
I'm also going to leave this out in the open - I am dearly in debt to everyone in his life prior to coming to us. He is who is he because of them.
I just wish I could tell them that. And ask...why.
