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kyburgChecked the scale this morning - still coming down, today I'm at 158. Not as fast, but I haven't been as "good" lately either. Today is a total wash - the tech visit ended with a lunch at Panda Express, and while the orange chicken is delish when fresh, it's deadly on calories.
I can't believe I wasn't closing closer to 200 eating every day there.
So I've had chocolate and drank the chocolate soy milk drinks I got at the 99 Ranch Market today.
We also took the cats and the dog to the shot clinic at the vet this afternoon - everyone is up to date and the dog can go get poofy now.
I'm weary. I've sat and thought about people I haven't heard from all year and began making phone calls. People who have known me before I was two decades in this world. People who no longer have enough interest in me or what's important to me to stay in touch - or who just don't care.
But I picked up the phone and made the calls anyway. Some, I know would not be welcome and just let the dust settle some more.
My Palm is getting a lot of use lately - I'm making dates to get together. Keep the lines open. Keep hope alive.
I hear an old friend is taking Reagan's death hard; I hear his father is doing poorly. And a part of me just knows too much. I carry his mother's name in the middle of my own - riddled with MS, she was a housebound invalid when we were in high school. She died - oh, it took far too long, it was too cruel, too much of anything you can name - but it was easily another decade past then.
He's an onliest child - he has two of his own now, graduating from high school. He proposed marriage to me when I was 17, and I ran for dear life. Loved him, oh yes. Love him still, oh yes. But it wasn't romance - and it was something impossible to make him understand.
Weary.
Jim has a niece coming to visit this weekend - she'll be with us for a week. Poor thing is so frightened of the airplane flight, she's called three nights out of the last three. We haven't heard from her in a year - I hope this continues. It's nice. Her brother called as she hung up - another country heard from.
The itch to sit and bleed at the keyboard grows; I have stuff to finish for the website I've had to put aside for nearly three years. And new stuff hovers in the imagination. I think long thoughts for a time before I sit down to work - I stuff my head full of research and think the plotting through, testing theories and discarding things that Just Don't Work. Some ideas will do better to stay there - some things I know would be different from what I've seen everyone else do.
Some things make me giggle.
All will take time at the keyboard I can't spare soon. REALLY can't spare. How did I get so tied up?
But the time will be found - if it's possible. I'll find a way.
Tomorrow is Friday, and the weekend ahead. Think I'll go nestle in something comfy and try to rest up a bit. It's been a hard week, in some respects. Trying to live four lives at once.
I was thinking over last weekend - it's summer, I'm reading fan fiction and being hungry. I was 17 again, yup. I go to work and shift gears to Geek Goddess - every day of 43. Come home, and I become ageless because Jim's there. Then whoever calls, the personality shifts again. Who is it? Do I become my mother's daughter, the head of household, the black sheep, the heretic, the saint - older, younger, ageless?
Preoccupied. Don't want to miss a thing.
And so many more things to learn; so many more things to ponder, dream about and build. And then, take out the trash and clean up the house.
Just Life, after all.
I can't believe I wasn't closing closer to 200 eating every day there.
So I've had chocolate and drank the chocolate soy milk drinks I got at the 99 Ranch Market today.
We also took the cats and the dog to the shot clinic at the vet this afternoon - everyone is up to date and the dog can go get poofy now.
I'm weary. I've sat and thought about people I haven't heard from all year and began making phone calls. People who have known me before I was two decades in this world. People who no longer have enough interest in me or what's important to me to stay in touch - or who just don't care.
But I picked up the phone and made the calls anyway. Some, I know would not be welcome and just let the dust settle some more.
My Palm is getting a lot of use lately - I'm making dates to get together. Keep the lines open. Keep hope alive.
I hear an old friend is taking Reagan's death hard; I hear his father is doing poorly. And a part of me just knows too much. I carry his mother's name in the middle of my own - riddled with MS, she was a housebound invalid when we were in high school. She died - oh, it took far too long, it was too cruel, too much of anything you can name - but it was easily another decade past then.
He's an onliest child - he has two of his own now, graduating from high school. He proposed marriage to me when I was 17, and I ran for dear life. Loved him, oh yes. Love him still, oh yes. But it wasn't romance - and it was something impossible to make him understand.
Weary.
Jim has a niece coming to visit this weekend - she'll be with us for a week. Poor thing is so frightened of the airplane flight, she's called three nights out of the last three. We haven't heard from her in a year - I hope this continues. It's nice. Her brother called as she hung up - another country heard from.
The itch to sit and bleed at the keyboard grows; I have stuff to finish for the website I've had to put aside for nearly three years. And new stuff hovers in the imagination. I think long thoughts for a time before I sit down to work - I stuff my head full of research and think the plotting through, testing theories and discarding things that Just Don't Work. Some ideas will do better to stay there - some things I know would be different from what I've seen everyone else do.
Some things make me giggle.
All will take time at the keyboard I can't spare soon. REALLY can't spare. How did I get so tied up?
But the time will be found - if it's possible. I'll find a way.
Tomorrow is Friday, and the weekend ahead. Think I'll go nestle in something comfy and try to rest up a bit. It's been a hard week, in some respects. Trying to live four lives at once.
I was thinking over last weekend - it's summer, I'm reading fan fiction and being hungry. I was 17 again, yup. I go to work and shift gears to Geek Goddess - every day of 43. Come home, and I become ageless because Jim's there. Then whoever calls, the personality shifts again. Who is it? Do I become my mother's daughter, the head of household, the black sheep, the heretic, the saint - older, younger, ageless?
Preoccupied. Don't want to miss a thing.
And so many more things to learn; so many more things to ponder, dream about and build. And then, take out the trash and clean up the house.
Just Life, after all.
