It's time -
Feb. 13th, 2004 07:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyburgI heard about that little old couple getting married in San Francisco yesterday - could have sworn the picture was taken downtown in Hemet, though.
I have known so many like them.
So has my mother. She was their nurse in the biggest employer in town, the Hemet Valley Hospital. *thinks* When she retired about four years ago at the age of 76, she had worked there and within the Valley Health System for over thirty years.
She worked nights when I was a kid. Hmm. Longer than that. But I got to see her before I went to school in the mornings, she on her way to bed, me on my way out the door.
There was one morning, I think I might have been 9 or so. Young, I remember that. When she came home with That Look on her face. And late. Very late.
She did that, when she was needed and couldn't get away. Mom never abandoned a patient in her life.
But this was because someone had died on her shift, and she was helping the survivor make funeral arrangements.
He was 69, and his partner had been 65 years old. Ladies and gentlemen, my introduction to homosexuality at the ripe old age of 9. It's 1970, guys. Long before AIDS, long before Pride - and my mother is so angry she's almost in tears.
There was nobody to call to help him make the arrangements. Because they were gay, they had been totally abandoned by every member of both their families.
My mother can't imagine what we would have to do to be treated like that by her. I'm much the same way. They hadn't hurt a single person, they had done nothing wrong. Arrested for no crime committed against anyone. There was nobody to come but this nurse who could only spend a few extra minutes before she had to get home to her kids. Nobody. I think she felt worst about the fact she was certain this man would die soon of a broken heart, and nobody would even notice. It happens a lot, out there. Lifetime partners don't survive each other by much.
Ask Mom about abortion and she gets the same Look on her face. She doesn't talk about those things much, and you often stumble across tidbits when you talk about other things. They are the things that are not right, but you have to accept their existance or worse things come.
So.
Yesterday, I said to myself, "Here's one for you, Mom. Never again."
And when people say "You're just like your mother," I thank them.
I do have the coolest mother on the planet. I've known that since I was very small.
I have known so many like them.
So has my mother. She was their nurse in the biggest employer in town, the Hemet Valley Hospital. *thinks* When she retired about four years ago at the age of 76, she had worked there and within the Valley Health System for over thirty years.
She worked nights when I was a kid. Hmm. Longer than that. But I got to see her before I went to school in the mornings, she on her way to bed, me on my way out the door.
There was one morning, I think I might have been 9 or so. Young, I remember that. When she came home with That Look on her face. And late. Very late.
She did that, when she was needed and couldn't get away. Mom never abandoned a patient in her life.
But this was because someone had died on her shift, and she was helping the survivor make funeral arrangements.
He was 69, and his partner had been 65 years old. Ladies and gentlemen, my introduction to homosexuality at the ripe old age of 9. It's 1970, guys. Long before AIDS, long before Pride - and my mother is so angry she's almost in tears.
There was nobody to call to help him make the arrangements. Because they were gay, they had been totally abandoned by every member of both their families.
My mother can't imagine what we would have to do to be treated like that by her. I'm much the same way. They hadn't hurt a single person, they had done nothing wrong. Arrested for no crime committed against anyone. There was nobody to come but this nurse who could only spend a few extra minutes before she had to get home to her kids. Nobody. I think she felt worst about the fact she was certain this man would die soon of a broken heart, and nobody would even notice. It happens a lot, out there. Lifetime partners don't survive each other by much.
Ask Mom about abortion and she gets the same Look on her face. She doesn't talk about those things much, and you often stumble across tidbits when you talk about other things. They are the things that are not right, but you have to accept their existance or worse things come.
So.
Yesterday, I said to myself, "Here's one for you, Mom. Never again."
And when people say "You're just like your mother," I thank them.
I do have the coolest mother on the planet. I've known that since I was very small.
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-13 08:01 am (UTC)the one thing that hits close to home..
Date: 2004-02-13 08:32 am (UTC)I don't think I'll die alone, but the several times that I've had to be in a hospital with a boyfriend have been stressful enough, but to have to explain yourself over and over to doctors and nurses gets to be a bit much.
All I can say is this.
I want the same rights as every other American.
I don't want special rights.
I want equal rights. Anyone have a problem with that?
Re: the one thing that hits close to home..
Date: 2004-02-13 10:11 am (UTC)I think what so much of the anti-gay marriage thing comes down to is the bullshit status-seeking at the heart of American culture. "MY hetero marriage is special and sacred and wonderful and because I managed to get married I am now special and sacred and wonderful. And if we let the gays marry, then my marriage won't be as special and wonderful and sacred and neither will I, and I'll have to actually gain my specialness by, um, achieving something on my own merits rather than through a relationship."
I keep saying that if the "sanctity of marriage" crowd was serious about "preserving" hetero marriages, they'd be fighting for a constitutional amendment to ban all divorces, for any reason. Which they won't do, because they want to be free to pursue their "sacred" unions. Over and over and over again, and with younger and younger partners, if necessary.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-13 08:57 am (UTC)Amen!
no subject
Date: 2004-02-13 09:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-13 10:54 am (UTC)When mom was painting houses still she did alot of work down by the Russian River. You know, Guerneville? Yeah, that neck of the woods (literally). Most of the people my mother painted for were gay or lesbian couples.
I was seven or so when I was at a job with mom. It was after the big flood in the 80's and she was doing a lot of work down by the river that summer, fixing places that had flooded. The house was big, but it only had two bed rooms. One was a library, books wall to wall. The other was the bed room. Two women lived there. Smart cookie that I was, I noticed this and asked my mom why if there were two women living there, why was there only one bed room in use.
So mom explained that sometimes women weren't attracted to men, that they were attracted to other women. And sometimes the same thing happened with men. And she said that some people thought that was wrong, but she wasn't one of them. She said she thought that finding someone who you loved, who loved you in return was more important that whether or not the other person was of the opposite sex. She told me the more commonly accepted and acceptable words for people who were same sex oriented (gay for men, lesbian for women) and she told me that no matter what I decided when I grew up that she'd love me.
Cool mom's rock da house.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-13 12:25 pm (UTC)Cool Mom's definitely rock.
Date: 2004-02-13 12:39 pm (UTC)My nieces and nephews know the score in my family.
My sister is married to an ex-AirForce Major.
My other sister is married to the most Italian guy on the planet.
Both of them fell in love with our family and are accepting of me and my brothers (there are four of us that are gay, well, 3 now, but that's another story).
My nephew refers to one of my brothers and his lover as "Uncle Danny and Aunt Scott".
My niece wants to know why I don't have a boyfriend.
Funny how natural it can be. :)
Re: Cool Mom's definitely rock.
Date: 2004-02-13 02:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-13 11:32 am (UTC)