Stupid finger -

[kyburg]

Down one digit on your primary hand, typing gets to be a challenge. Being accurate and remaining cordial just kind of hits the trash can. Bah. I could do 250 words each for being_homeless and riverheart right now - if I could get them out in less than two hours.

Snerg.

Nnh.

I considered a phone post, but I don't even have my thoughts collected enough to write them down, let alone ramble at will.

I have mardi-gras beads on, and had catfish po' boys for lunch with a side of red beans and rice.

And the mortgage company refunded our escrow account in an overage of riches. And a credit card has added a grand to my credit limit. Suddenly, I don't have to worry about Japan expenses.

I blame Cliff.

Folks, figure out what really matters - and what you have, not what you don't. You have to work towards what really matters - and very few times do you get free spots or breaks when you have to work with other people to get there. But when it is your stuff at stake - set boundaries and boot those who won't comply. Don't threaten. Do.

And I completely grok where being_homeless is right now. Problem is, this is where I fell down with Cliff. The depression is situational - yeah, there's some biochemistry working there, but I'd be leery of blaming it all there - and I swear, the only thing the professional had for us at the end with Cliff was "compare it with other people less fortunate than you." I swear, we both sat there with our mouths open. The hell?

I totally fell down here. I don't have anything that worked, hon. Not for Cliff. For me, I don't stay where things are bad - I'll find some part of this equation that works and live there. You won't have the life others have. Shit, neither do I. The housing solves a lot of challenges, but it also took away the diversion those challenges gave to the reality of a life to be lived with disabilities.

I knew a guy who was put on disability at age 19 when a Jeep rolled on him in basic training for the Army. I think he's in his 30's now - still disabled, still getting disability, unable to work but he's hacks through it well enough. Last I heard, he was in Tuscon and doing well. But I wouldn't call him mainstream.

I wouldn't let the depression scare you or make you Do Something to stop it. Surely, there is still some grieving to do over the loss of the life you had. You may always be angry. Don't try to "do" anything about it. That's real, and you are entitled to feel those things. I've got your number and you have mine. Call me and bitch. I'll never get tired of it.

Stupid finger.

Comments

[caitlin.livejournal.com]

Folks, figure out what really matters - and what you have, not what you don't. You have to work towards what really matters - and very few times do you get free spots or breaks when you have to work with other people to get there. But when it is your stuff at stake - set boundaries and boot those who won't comply. Don't threaten. Do.

Even if those people who won't comply are family members?

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Particularly if they are family members. They often need it more than anyone, having a lot of history to bog through.

[being-homeless.livejournal.com]

thanks...
If you are still up I'll call you... but I'm doubting it...

I was *finally* diagnosed as bipolar in the hospital (heh... how many suicide attempts did that take???) I think a lot of my depression is related to that plus the past few months (and years) catching up to me...
plus having housing I'm more aware of my disabilities since I know have a house to run. with day-to-day survival I show up places and everyone did things for me- no wonder so many disabled people are homeless. as hard as it is, it's easier.

my homecare has been a mess too... I keep getting bounced agency to agency. and still have nothing. grrrrrrr...

plus the anniversary of my accident being this week just added to things... I don't think people realize how much it can affect a person. and the PTSD issues(which was the final public post I made before my suicide attempt- only to get eaten by trolls) just adds to stuff... I watched an accident happen yesterday. damn. bad trigger. I hate the sound of glass shattering and metal hitting metal. I totally froze. I couldn't do anything.... coincidentally nite_owl came passing through the area like 40 minutes later where I was still sitting and shaking and yeah he sat with me for a while... the problem with PTSD and brain injury is when I have flashbacks I then get disoriented and can't tell past from present. it can go on for several hours after the trigger... not cool.

yeah. I'll call you. maybe thursday? I have school tomorrow night.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I'll call you from the new cell phone so you'll have the number. That phone never leaves my side, so you'll have a better chance of reaching me.

You give the trolls far too much credit. It takes time and training, but you need to learn to discount the trolls and give the other folks more attention. You are never going to be everyone's flavor of the week, no matter how hard or nice you try to be. What you have to be is satisfied you've done your best and not kick yourself after that.

It takes work. And time. I'll see what I can do on this end for a decent referral.