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kyburgThis violence was a fact of life in our home, and is interwoven from my earliest memories as a child. Already facing the responsibilities of a wife and 13 children, my father made the decision to go to law school. The physical and mental demands led him to take prescription amphetamines to keep him going. Barbiturates were soon added to the mix to help him sleep at night. The combination of stress and this chemical cocktail fueling his system meant that his temper was quick, violent, and indiscriminate.
This has to be one of the saddest stories of the day - tell a friend.
Staying home yesterday was probably one of the smartest things I've done in four weeks - after taking kiddo to daycare, I went home and slept for four hours (after taking care of work stuff remotely), getting up and checking work stuffs again, then having some absolutely quiet time for more than an hour straight (which included my initiation into the Neti Pot Club)...then taking a hot shower, laying down and so on.
I feel somewhat more human today, but being upright without being able to take those breaks is telling me I'm not really All Okay Yet. Far from it.
And I have a huge night ahead of me. I got a day. I need more days like it, and I won't get them.
I'm using an inhaler morning and evening, antibiotics four times a day - add to that the lovely nasal irrigation method (What's a Neti Pot? A douche for your nose. Seriously. If I call someone a douche pot, is that bad?) and doing nothing but sleeping as soon as everything that *must* be taken care of is taken care of for the day.
That includes being a nag. See, I can't ask Jim to take over any of it - he's sick and maxed out as well. Maybe we can trade tasks. That's about all. But I'm always going pillar to post looking at this needs to be cleaned off, what's this and why is it still here, is the laundry done, who has the dishes and what's for dinner? Don't know? Riight. How about - I am just delightful to be around.
It's entirely possible I'll be without Jim too - his grandfather is now under hospice care, and when he goes, he needs to back east. We've said two days. We'll Priceline. It'll be managed, somehow.
I just hope I'm not this sick still when it happens.
Expensive is having a kid. Just the health insurance alone is going to swallow a grand a month. In addition to the daycare grand a month. It'll be grand trying to figure out how that is going to happen.
And lemme tellya, knowing the kid is going to get more out of a day at daycare than with you is NOT happy making. (To the good, the English is finally beginning to pick up - this morning, he was able to make it understood to me that he thought I had been syringe-feeding the kitty...ice cream. Well, it is light brown and the right consistency...and he does have a cold, so maybe he can't smell it all that well. But oh dear ghads, child - NO. This is definitely NOT ice cream. Yesterday, there was a package of cookies at issue that were very clearly Delicious and Wonderful and you're going to get them after dinner...and I got a clouded but certain 'butiwantthemnaooow' whine - all in one sound, like rote. Wonder if that was language or just music? Closer and closer. Poor kid. I get offers almost daily from my Families with Children from China group for Mandarin classes and all I can think of trying to explain to them why I want English up front right now, and please keep the Chinese language to a minimum - or not at all. He knows I go away, and always come back - because that's what has always happened. But when Dad leaves for two days, how the heck am I going to explain that? I won't be able to, that's what. Gee, thanks. And that's for starters.) I'm glad I have the option - because it is clear this is good for him, and it's doing everything I'd hoped it would.
I'm giving room for feeling like warmed over leftovers, warmed over more than three times and served up for dinner. I'm so tired I'm not even hungry.
Yeah, this is great. Perfectly normal. All that.
This has to be one of the saddest stories of the day - tell a friend.
Staying home yesterday was probably one of the smartest things I've done in four weeks - after taking kiddo to daycare, I went home and slept for four hours (after taking care of work stuff remotely), getting up and checking work stuffs again, then having some absolutely quiet time for more than an hour straight (which included my initiation into the Neti Pot Club)...then taking a hot shower, laying down and so on.
I feel somewhat more human today, but being upright without being able to take those breaks is telling me I'm not really All Okay Yet. Far from it.
And I have a huge night ahead of me. I got a day. I need more days like it, and I won't get them.
I'm using an inhaler morning and evening, antibiotics four times a day - add to that the lovely nasal irrigation method (What's a Neti Pot? A douche for your nose. Seriously. If I call someone a douche pot, is that bad?) and doing nothing but sleeping as soon as everything that *must* be taken care of is taken care of for the day.
That includes being a nag. See, I can't ask Jim to take over any of it - he's sick and maxed out as well. Maybe we can trade tasks. That's about all. But I'm always going pillar to post looking at this needs to be cleaned off, what's this and why is it still here, is the laundry done, who has the dishes and what's for dinner? Don't know? Riight. How about - I am just delightful to be around.
It's entirely possible I'll be without Jim too - his grandfather is now under hospice care, and when he goes, he needs to back east. We've said two days. We'll Priceline. It'll be managed, somehow.
I just hope I'm not this sick still when it happens.
Expensive is having a kid. Just the health insurance alone is going to swallow a grand a month. In addition to the daycare grand a month. It'll be grand trying to figure out how that is going to happen.
And lemme tellya, knowing the kid is going to get more out of a day at daycare than with you is NOT happy making. (To the good, the English is finally beginning to pick up - this morning, he was able to make it understood to me that he thought I had been syringe-feeding the kitty...ice cream. Well, it is light brown and the right consistency...and he does have a cold, so maybe he can't smell it all that well. But oh dear ghads, child - NO. This is definitely NOT ice cream. Yesterday, there was a package of cookies at issue that were very clearly Delicious and Wonderful and you're going to get them after dinner...and I got a clouded but certain 'butiwantthemnaooow' whine - all in one sound, like rote. Wonder if that was language or just music? Closer and closer. Poor kid. I get offers almost daily from my Families with Children from China group for Mandarin classes and all I can think of trying to explain to them why I want English up front right now, and please keep the Chinese language to a minimum - or not at all. He knows I go away, and always come back - because that's what has always happened. But when Dad leaves for two days, how the heck am I going to explain that? I won't be able to, that's what. Gee, thanks. And that's for starters.) I'm glad I have the option - because it is clear this is good for him, and it's doing everything I'd hoped it would.
I'm giving room for feeling like warmed over leftovers, warmed over more than three times and served up for dinner. I'm so tired I'm not even hungry.
Yeah, this is great. Perfectly normal. All that.
