All in the Family
Jul. 25th, 2004 10:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyburgWell, hell. Sis is off steroids and has discovered I have a brain again.
That's better. I just don't trust it to last.
I'm not sure what displeases me more - the fact that I can't trust her moods to remain stable, or that I would have preferred a day like this a year ago - it would have been easier.
Still, not to quibble. It was a very good day.
However.
Only children who have to shoulder the entire burden of taking care of aging parents have a very different dynamic than those who come from families with siblings.
They don't have anyone to argue the details with them. Or question their judgement. Or just plain kibbitz.
I think my younger brother is going to have a epiphany soon about his life without our mother. Either that, or Sis is going to clock him and I'll push him in the pool.
I think it would be a very good thing if he took the house when Mom passes. I used to have right of first refusal, back in the day when I didn't own property of any kind - but that was a long time ago. He should have it now.
However, that means the house will be sold. Not for what is owed on it. For what the market value will be, likely to settle any outstanding debt.
Mom spent her money on us; there is no life insurance or other assets. There have been two house fires that burnt that house to the ground - there have been two burglaries that cleaned out the place. There is very little left. Mom is spending everything coming in - she's signed her Medicare over to an HMO; she juggles her prescription spending (have to start sending her some cash to make that easier...somehow) just to keep things refilled on time - the good news is, she appears to be healthy and is happy.
He doesn't seem to get it. He won't be paying off what's owed on it. It will be as if he bought a house himself, from the start. It'll just be the house he's living in now. And likely, will be more expensive than what's paid on it right now.
Welcome to Real Life. No, that doesn't mean you can keep buying new cars and making payments like you do right now - you get to drive cars until they drop like I do. And no, maybe the insurance won't be afforable anymore because you're driving the muscle car from H-ee-double toothpicks. You might have to get something nobody wants, like me. That's how you do it, toots.
He does a wonderful job of looking after Mom. That's why I think he should have a reasonable chance at getting the house. It's just not going to drop in his lap like he thinks it could.
However, if the house doesn't have to be sold to settle debt, I'm fine with letting him have it. It's the wife of my other brother I have to worry about - because she'll want to house sold and the proceeds split. Just because.
Oh hell no.
I thank my mother for thinking of these things - and making plans. And putting it very clearly who is getting what - so help me, she plans to mark everything and make lists - so I have no worries on that front.
When I lose my mother, I will lose my mother.
I don't expect to gain a single thing from it. So help me, it galls that anyone would think that I should -
VERY tired. Sis has a lovely pool in her backyard. Very nice. She can have the expense and upkeep - I want a furo. That will satisfy my need for large bodies of water in my home.
And that's far, far into the future as far as I can tell.
Sleep now. Nicely toasted.
That's better. I just don't trust it to last.
I'm not sure what displeases me more - the fact that I can't trust her moods to remain stable, or that I would have preferred a day like this a year ago - it would have been easier.
Still, not to quibble. It was a very good day.
However.
Only children who have to shoulder the entire burden of taking care of aging parents have a very different dynamic than those who come from families with siblings.
They don't have anyone to argue the details with them. Or question their judgement. Or just plain kibbitz.
I think my younger brother is going to have a epiphany soon about his life without our mother. Either that, or Sis is going to clock him and I'll push him in the pool.
I think it would be a very good thing if he took the house when Mom passes. I used to have right of first refusal, back in the day when I didn't own property of any kind - but that was a long time ago. He should have it now.
However, that means the house will be sold. Not for what is owed on it. For what the market value will be, likely to settle any outstanding debt.
Mom spent her money on us; there is no life insurance or other assets. There have been two house fires that burnt that house to the ground - there have been two burglaries that cleaned out the place. There is very little left. Mom is spending everything coming in - she's signed her Medicare over to an HMO; she juggles her prescription spending (have to start sending her some cash to make that easier...somehow) just to keep things refilled on time - the good news is, she appears to be healthy and is happy.
He doesn't seem to get it. He won't be paying off what's owed on it. It will be as if he bought a house himself, from the start. It'll just be the house he's living in now. And likely, will be more expensive than what's paid on it right now.
Welcome to Real Life. No, that doesn't mean you can keep buying new cars and making payments like you do right now - you get to drive cars until they drop like I do. And no, maybe the insurance won't be afforable anymore because you're driving the muscle car from H-ee-double toothpicks. You might have to get something nobody wants, like me. That's how you do it, toots.
He does a wonderful job of looking after Mom. That's why I think he should have a reasonable chance at getting the house. It's just not going to drop in his lap like he thinks it could.
However, if the house doesn't have to be sold to settle debt, I'm fine with letting him have it. It's the wife of my other brother I have to worry about - because she'll want to house sold and the proceeds split. Just because.
Oh hell no.
I thank my mother for thinking of these things - and making plans. And putting it very clearly who is getting what - so help me, she plans to mark everything and make lists - so I have no worries on that front.
When I lose my mother, I will lose my mother.
I don't expect to gain a single thing from it. So help me, it galls that anyone would think that I should -
VERY tired. Sis has a lovely pool in her backyard. Very nice. She can have the expense and upkeep - I want a furo. That will satisfy my need for large bodies of water in my home.
And that's far, far into the future as far as I can tell.
Sleep now. Nicely toasted.
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no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 04:45 pm (UTC)I really don't know what Mom wants for funeral arrangments, though. Cliff was cremated and got a tupperware box inside a cardboard one - and that was fine.