Way over my head -

[kyburg]

dragonrankmage, reannon, unclejimbo, elfwench, being_homeless - hell, anyone.

bradhicks is in some really deep sauce.

So far out of my league I shouldn't even be touching it - but so familiar, it breaks my heart.

If you've got any suggestions or advice he could use -

*sighs*

Comments

[elfwench.livejournal.com]

This one is hard for me to answer. On the one hand, a part of me says, "Well, at least he had a good run. I didn't even get that." Which is true, I never got through college and I have yet to find a job I can do. I was even in a Sheltered Workshop for a few years. I scared my counselor there when I vented frustrations at him about having to work with a schizophrenic young man who was doing the task differently. He looked at me like I was going to go postal - we Aspies are scary when we vent, and that's probably where the "terrorist threat" thing comes in with this fellow since we don't take it gracefully when we feel we have been wronged (as in a firing). I do try, but often fail. And, I've been refused jobs simply because I "appeared too nervous" and when I asked Keeper about that, he said that nervous looking people who can't make eye contact scare people.

I live in fear of something happening to lord_keeper or our marriage. I think he knows that, so I'm not afraid to say it. But the fact is, without him I would be homeless and unable to support myself. That's why I didn't leave my first husband sooner, despite the fact that he was abusing me... and it was often the cause of the beatings, my Aspieness. And he held that over me, that there was no way I could support myself, that I needed to stay married to him. My daughter doesn't speak to me, and my son doesn't think that taking care of me should ever be his problem, so I don't have them to turn to should anything happen.

But, getting back to this fellow - I wish I knew what to suggest? lord_keeper has been supporting me and my children for years on the kind of wages he's complaining about. So I don't know if suggesting Voc. Rehab. would help or not. He'd have to jump through hoops and be compliant with them to succeed, and he doesn't strike me as the compliant type. And while I can greatly sympathize with his desire to have a job like he had in his hayday handed to him immediately that seems to radiate all through this post, that's not going to happen.

I wish him luck, but I don't have any answers, I'm sorry.

[elfwench.livejournal.com]

And he held that over me, that there was no way I could support myself, that I needed to stay married to him.

Um... the "he" here in question is my ex, not Keeper. Just to clarify. Got pronoun happy there, and should have used a proper noun instead. *face palms*

Hmmm

[joggingguy.livejournal.com]

He doesn't know what he wants. Without that, he won't go anywhere.

[riverheart.livejournal.com]

We would be grateful for the job he has now.

Honestly? I don't know what to suggest that you and others haven't suggested already.

[elfwench.livejournal.com]

Well, it appears I remembered something that might end up helping him after all:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/bradhicks/84315.html?thread=256091#t256091

Let's hope this helps! I knew Roger Meyer online years ago, back when he was writing this book. Roger is an Aspie himself, but found his niche in helping others help themselves this way.

The Ugly Truth

[bitpig.livejournal.com]

I hate to sound unsympathetic, but I know dozens of people just like your friend: classic genius underachievers who can't seem to get their shit together. Every job is sabotaged by assholes; every period of unemployment is Reagan/Bush/Clinton/Bushonomics; every legal hassle is caused by Evil Lawyers of Corrupt Cops; and every personal failing is a byproduct of Scary Mental Syndrome Related To High Intelligence.

The reason I know this story if because I'm the same way. I have suffered through all of the same crap your friend has (with the exception of the physical health stuff — but I have other problems) and been where he is today. I have diagnosed Major Depressive Disorder, grew up poor, got kicked out of college AND the Navy, and could stand to lose a few pounds. Yeah, I've been there.

With God's help, I got better, and now have a wonderful life.

I could offer advice, but I doubt he'd want to hear it. He's what I cal a TIAB — Teenager In Adult Body. He's a guy who is stuck in the late teens-early twenties mode and is incredibly bitter that things aren't as cool as they were back in the Golden Days when he was a legendary Party God, days could be spent playing Robin Hood in the forest, and free money came in the mail. How do I know this? Because his post contains the words "Mundania" and because his "perfect job" is a teenager's dream: a high-paying, "fun" job you can't lose now matter how bad you are at it. Both indicate a refusal to inhabit the real word, a paranoid disassociaton from the mean, scary world of the Mundanes.

I have a news flash for your friend: HE IS A MUNDANE, just like the rest of us. He is not a special being, a mutant, or someone deserving of pity. He is a grown man and needs to act like one. He needs Jesus — the real, Catholic Jesus, with all the no-fun rules and boring liturgy. He needs to be seeing a shrink — a real M.D. with a cabinet full of Happy Pills. And he needs a drill sergeant — a tough, no-bullshit friend who will KICK HIS ASS and FORCE him to live in the Real World instead of patting his widdle hand and telling him that he's special. The goal is Spiritual Health , then Mental Health, then Physical Health — mens sana in corpore sano.

Above all, he needs to stop worshiping himself. A Universe Built For One is a cold and lonely place.

I'm sorry if this sounds cruel, but all I know is that it worked for me. I don't even know the guy — but the advice above works for anybody who is still clinically sane. It may be that your friend is simply mentally incapable of taking care of himself. If so, he should have himself voluntarily committed so that someone will be around to feed him and make sure he's alive every day. There's no shame in being mentally ill. I'm mentally ill myself — just not enough for the booby hatch.

It's not that I don't feel for the guy. I know how nuch it hurts to be in his shoes — I spent years in them myself. Ky, I wish there was a magical Geekland where all of us sensitive types could go to escape the wicked world of paychecks and entropy, but there isn't. Instead, we are all called to heroism — to do the best we can in the world we have, which, in the final analysis, is a wonderful place.

Please excuse me casting my two cents here in your Journal.