Cornflakes down my shirt

[kyburg]

Feels like, really. If I actually had some cornflakes, I'd have lunch.

Yes, I'm still lunchless. Go me.

I've decided I can't make a LJ Tarot Card - I don't know which suit I am. *blows air* The last time I did a bona fide tarot reading it was about six months after Cliff had passed away, and was a reading for the next year.

Everything was pretty cool and reassuring, but the "friends/family/in the future" spot held the Devil, reversed.

And inside of a week or so, life got that strange, with a small subset of friends. No thanks. Not going to name names.

But, it fucked EVERYTHING up. So far, for some people, permanently. Not that everything crashed and burned, but I surely learned the limits of my tolerance for intolerance...and patience. Much patience.

So no, no tarot card. Not for a while. Clueless, I am. VERY.

*sigh* If Jim and I keep spending all the time we have together in the car driving to work, we will kill each other. We'll just snap and suddenly beat each other senseless with Game Boy Advance cartridges and empty Starbucks cups. Mean it.

If all goes well, the house will be on the market September 11th. Somehow, this works for me. Yeah.

I've also asked Jim to tell work to give him some weekend time for us to look at houses. I think he may get it. Heaven knows we'll need it. The idea that I will actually get to pick the next house I live in is both thrilling and scary as hell.

No, I didn't pick the house I'm in now. I've been very good at finding places to live, but no - never got to choose The Place before.

God, don't let me settle for less. Not this time.

And I am so, so, so tired of little whiney little boys. *Counts on fingers.* Three, this week alone. Gah, they actually think I'm going to expend the energy to give a rip. If they don't care enough to help themselves, nothing I do will matter. Ever.

Tired, I am. One hopes they will figure it out.

Comments

Re: More

[randir.livejournal.com]

Get along with less, you have less to worry about. It's simple. But I don't dazzle anyone with my lifestyle. It is, frankly, modest. Both cars are paid for, but they're old and don't have much zip. Ditto the computers. I don't go in for the newest, neatest and zippiest game machines. But you would think that without these things, these men (we'll use that term, it's only respectful) would shrivel up and die. And oh, if they can't live without them, they'll stay right where they are. Because the Things are there. A bad relationship, a long-term with the 'rents...name it. My upbringing is showing again. Do without. Your freedom is at stake. Beggars can't be choosers...bah. Choose not to be a beggar. The rest will follow.

Yes, I can get along with less. But I'm also not afraid to plan for things I want, not things I need, things I want. Things can be nice. They don't define me, but they're nice to have. I own a piano. A concert grand. Do I need this thing? Technically, no. I want this thing. It helps me express my soul. It brightens my house with music. It puts a smile on the face of my Chosen One when I play his favorite songs. But can I do without it? Yes, I can. But I don't want to. For it would diminish my soul.

As for people who DO define themselves with things, let the universe take care of them. They will find themselves alone and empty with their things. They will whine about not having the "right" things to "make" them happy. And I don't think you are obligated to listen to them. My favorite sound in life is the resounding "click" made when I hang up on someone who is either yelling or blaming or guild-tripping or whining. Click. I highly recommend that to you. It works really well for me.

Thank you for the extended explanation of victim role. I see where you are coming from now.

And the only thing about the "I don't havta. Make me" thing is that it rubs right up against the reason I get up every morning. I havta. And sooner or later, there will be something everyone has to do, like it or no. You might as well get used to it. When you don't do it, someone else has to do it for you - and that's just not fair.

That's not fair? That's not FAIR?!?!?! Please. Get over it. Life isn't fair. If I decide not to do something, no one else HAS to do it for me. If they choose to do it for me, that's on them. But, most likely, if I decide not to get up in the morning, life will go on without me and not miss a beat. I have long since accepted that the world does not revolve around me. So, if I don't want to do something, I don't have to, and life won't care either way, neither will it spare me the consequences of my choice. I can exert my will at anytime, to my good or ill. And it's on me. No one else. Just me.

If someone else decides to exert their will and not do something they said they would, that's on them. I certainly will not pick up the slack for them. Nor will I get particularly bent about it. I'll just let the natural consequences of their choice screw them.

--Commentor

Re: More

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I own a piano. A concert grand. Do I need this thing? Technically, no. I want this thing. It helps me express my soul. It brightens my house with music. It puts a smile on the face of my Chosen One when I play his favorite songs. But can I do without it? Yes, I can. But I don't want to. For it would diminish my soul.

I'm envious. I remember years of sitting on the piano bench next to my mother as she played. She didn't play well, mind, but I never cared. I was taking piano lessons and in those years of very little, there was a piano. A house fire when I was 13 destroyed it. Diminish me? Horsefeathers. What might diminish my soul, feeds my character. There is another piano sitting in my garage, waiting to be restored. It was given to me. It's over 100 years old. But someday, I will have a piano to play again. I'm just keeping the faith.

If someone else decides to exert their will and not do something they said they would, that's on them. I certainly will not pick up the slack for them. Nor will I get particularly bent about it. I'll just let the natural consequences of their choice screw them.

Just so. But if you say you will do a thing, and don't - you lose trust points. Since I start people off at 7 on a scale of 1 to 10, you can lose trust with me easily, I make no bones about it. I also believe people rise to expectations...and I set them high as well. If you think "do what you say and say what you do" is high, that is.

Re: More

[randir.livejournal.com]

What might diminish my soul, feeds my character.

Explain. That seems contradictory to me.

But if you say you will do a thing, and don't - you lose trust points.

Fair enough. That does seem to be the natural consequence, does it not?

--Commentor