"Use it to help other people, then."

[kyburg]

I had the talks with Cliff before he died. About how many financial things would just go *poof* and stop being issues, and how possibly I would inherit a large sum of money or two - just because he died. It wasn't far from the truth. Enough funds came in to reset everything to zero - but he never saw any of it.

If I couldn't be happy about it? Use it to help other people, then. That's what he said.

It's not the money I got to use this morning.

Mom called. In the course of verifying this last procedure, she needed a radiologic exam - and they needed labs for backup.

Her kidney function has taken another turn downward, and it scared the crap out of her. So I put my OHMYGODFUCK aside and related what I knew about kidney failure.

I did an admirable job. She's not as scared anymore.

Rah rah, siss boom bah. I'm damn good at this, and I shouldn't be.

I wonder if Sis knows about this. It's a sure bet older brother hasn't even been considered for in-the-loopage. Younger brother? In the thick of it, and doing the real Capricorn thing about processes. Good boy.

But I'm the one with the first-hand experience of caring for someone with end-stage renal disease.

It's not all bad. On the list of things I'd choose to deal with, I'd skip it if I had a choice - but renal failure is not as nasty as say, cancer is. (Not many things are.) And given two weeks, you can get used to anything.

But, damn. I'd like my hands to stop shaking now. Okay?

Comments

elder care...

[(Anonymous)]

While at this time my sister is somewhat involved, (my Mom don't trust her), that is what I do. I have to take charge and take care of the care. I guess this is my lot in life, at least while my Mom is living. Best of luck, I know what its like, somewhat.

Re: elder care...

[n6vfp.livejournal.com]

That was me, btw.

Re: elder care...

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Pity we're not at all good at this sort of thing. *winks*

[kshandra]

Rah rah, siss boom bah. I'm damn good at this, and I shouldn't be.

Ah, fuck, but I know that feeling. *hugs*

[lolleeroberts.livejournal.com]

Heck, be the nurse in the family. You get to be good at this for everybody.
And medical providers know you're a colleague so they give the straight skinny, which is good, but tend to forget that these are your family members and you have feelings about them, which is bad.

So, yeah. There with ya. *hug*

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Mom's the nurse (Jim's mother was an RN, too) - and she has a social worker for a daughter, and then there's me.

*laughs* I renew my first-aid card to have credentials.

[lolleeroberts.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess in my case the credentials and the experience coincide with the personality. I became a nurse in part because of nursing my chronically ill husband. So in a way, I went through the master's level of nursing to have credentials. Never really thought of it that way. Heh.

[joggingguy.livejournal.com]

But I'm the one with the first-hand experience of caring for someone with end-stage renal disease.

Yeah, me too. Dialysis sucks :-(

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

It does...but I also think we complain a lot and that helps, too.

More days than not, it was a background item, if everything was just kicking over on schedule.

It was the situation that sucked rocks - not the dialysis. It was just one more thing to manage.

But. It sucked. Yes, it did.

[foogod.livejournal.com]

I've heard religious people on various occasions make the statement "God does not give anybody more than they can handle."

Personally, I've always found this to be overly optimistic (and a bit trite), but nevertheless I have continued to be amazed at how tough times frequently seem to land, fortunately and unfortunately, on the shoulders of those who have the skills, experience, and fortitude to bear them out. I sometimes think this luck (for lack of a better word) is the only thing that's kept us all alive this long.

The fact that you seem to be the one there to land on a lot of the time may not be particularly enviable, but the fact that you are the one the world chooses to bear its weight is, in a special way, a truly admirable thing. It speaks of a strength within you worthy of being proud of, that many people will never have.

Hang in there. Though it may not be easy, it's people like you that manage to keep the world sane and livable for everyone else, because you're the ones who can, and ultimately, that is a miracle.

You are a pillar of heaven, and though at times you may shake, you will not fall.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I keep looking at the children I may end up adopting, and realizing that I'm good at this reinvention thing kind of 1) scares me and 2) pleases me at the same time.

That's my mother at work - I got it from her. (She's amazed at times, too - this kind of role-reversal has its own tweak working, believe me.)

[lefresne.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry.

I guess it won't help, but they are lucky to have you.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Lady, there were days I was only around Cliff to get the fiscal benefits. If you listened to some people.

I was either a saint or a gold-digger. People couldn't decide what it was, because it was sure bet they couldn't figure out why I stuck it out.

Simple. Because I said I would. Marriage vows, yanno.

*rolls eyes* It just never fails to amaze me.

[riverheart.livejournal.com]

Simple. Because I said I would. Marriage vows, yanno.

Yeah, I know.

It took Bob actively mandating, not just threatening, that I kill Mr. Bonehead to get me out. I took the physical, the emotional, and the verbal abuse. I took the casually telling me that he could kill me as easily as *that* when we were lying, cuddling in bed. I made vows, and I kept them.

But then he tried to force me to kill an innocent dog. Taz didn't take those vows.

[lefresne.livejournal.com]

Good lord, how unaware those folk were. I don't know you *that* well (though feel sometimes as if I do) and I know that isn't part of your makeup at all.

Saint? No doubt at times. Golddigger, hell there are easier ways to get money wouldn't you say?

I'd say good person. Good person who believes in what she said when she got married. Yep.

[moropus.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about your mom. It really sucks to have enough experience to be good at something like this.

I used to get furious at my brothers when they were in denial. They couldn't help it and it doesn't help anything.

You're not a golddigger or a saint. You're just you, and very tough and strong.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Rar. Like rawhide. Rar. *laughs*

[pseudicide.livejournal.com]

Oh goodness...

[hugs]

[bigbigtruck.livejournal.com]

We are praying for you. Renal disease blows goats.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I'd blow goats right now if it would do something positive for this situation.

Growing old is definitely NOT for sissies. *sighs*