Something to think about -

[kyburg]

I'm sitting here waiting for processes to finish so I can collect some test data, store it and then go get some food.

Boy, today has sucked donkey balls. Either someone slipped me so mango (unlikely), or these hives are directly stress-related. Bad? How about thinking about how much more time has to pass before the suicide clause on the life insurance goes away? This is a trait my sister saw in her son, so I don't feel too bad about it. We screw up, we time ourselves out. He was doing it before he was seven. Sis had to tell him it was time to quit "timing out" - I remember.

I also recall when I was in Switzerland, what a grand adventure everything was - and there was nobody I could tell about it. To show someone something neat, I had to buy it and ship it to them. Even then, it took weeks for the communication loop to complete - it was before the days of commonplace internet, and we never did get the computer up. I had a Compuserve account - but never used it. The hardest part of that experience was the isolation - and having a great time, but nobody else got the benefit of it but me.

Life is a grand adventure, but if all you have to show for it is your personal erudition - it's pretty lonely. You know the people "who live for their own enjoyment," right? I've know a lot of them in their 80's and 90's - I grew up in a retirement community, after all. Selfish, mean, small-spirited folks.

I did not want to grow up to be one of them.

And really, who else wants to listen to me talk about myself or care? I think I got a really good education, good parenting and have a very alert, curious mind - isn't that worth anything? I love doing homework -

I want to leave something behind besides a pile of junk. Is that asking so much?

Comments

[condotierre.livejournal.com]

Well. I like reading what you write here, even if I don't reply as much as I should.

I understand though - about the wanting to leave something behind besides junk. I think you do in more ways than you think. And I'm not good at saying stuff but you helped me stabilize when my grandmother died - and that counts for more than you ever imagine. 'Tisn't junk. It's treasure. Lots of people will agree with me there.

*hugs*

[nagasvoice.livejournal.com]

No right to comment, but to me it sounds like creating something is in order. Getting that right-brain out for a spin, let the inner six-year-old play for awhile. Helps if it's something that you can put out there for other people to partake, if they choose, (this lj is one form of doing that of course). You never know where it might make somebody else's head spin in that perfect way that sets *them* off and makes them very happy, too. Some communication loops are very very long indeed (trust me!) but still well-worth it.

[catsonmars.livejournal.com]

Just remember -- you're still young enough, the situation isn't hopeless, and you'll raise some excellent children. :) I know it.

Regardless of what happens between now and then, in the end you'll have left behind many, many people who benefited from your kindness, your good advice, and your empathetic nature.

And even when you don't realize it, you might be saying exactly the right thing for a situation that completely changes and helps someone's outlook. :D

Just don't be too strict on the kids. ;)

[catsonmars.livejournal.com]

P.S. If you're entirely out of outlets or want to vent, you could consider buying some canvas and paints. =)

[moropus.livejournal.com]

You are a wise woman who has given me good advise many times. Now I'm properly medicated, employed 4 days a week in spite of my handicaps and don't wear my PJs 24/7 anymore. You share some of the credit.

And do I ever know about timing out. Unless you're driving, what's the harm in a little timing out?

Do you create fantasy worlds, or just go blank? If you have fantasies, write them up into short stories. There has to be an LJ here somewhere for short stories.

Go do something fun. Please. Even if you just go to a pet store and play with puppies.

[luscious-purple.livejournal.com]

You know the people "who live for their own enjoyment," right? I've know a lot of them in their 80's and 90's - I grew up in a retirement community, after all. Selfish, mean, small-spirited folks.

Doesn't have to be that way. On Saturday I'm going to a memorial service for this guy who practically lived for my UU church congregation both before and after retirement. (So did his wife of approximately 65 years.) Even when they downsized to an apartment in a retirement community a five-minute drive from the church, they sold off their excess belongings to benefit the church. And they've gotten other folks in the retirement complex involved -- one of whom is now our church treasurer.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

My late husband's godfather was another one of those - and I've always envied how easy he always made it look.

I've tried to turn my hand at being more civic; the results have been less than dissapointing.