Stuff for pondering later -

[kyburg]

Whenever you hear stories about women having children later in life -- think TV anchor Joan Lunden's twins or the 66-year-old Romanian woman who conceived a couple of years ago -- the focus is usually on health risks or ethical concerns.

But what about money?

For those of us (ahem) contemplating parenthood at the not-so-tender age of 40, the financial risks can be equally high. Yet you're more likely to be warned about the potential for diabetes or Down syndrome than what will happen to your retirement plans.

I'm looking at the "hidden" costs they refer to - and since we're adopting, some of them just don't apply (the lactation consultants, etc.) - but it jumps out at me that the expectation is that I'm going to spend hundreds on private lessons of all kinds.

Uh, no. That wasn't spent on me, and I'm who I am for it - resourceful. And I learned what I know at the knees of the adults around me.

That's what I what to hand down to a child. Not the money money money things.

Music lessons, I can see. But even they were rationed pretty carefully.

This is food for more thought - but not right now. Rome is burning.

Comments

[lesliepear.livejournal.com]

Us neither with all the lessons and stuff. I wasn't as involved in extra circulars back then - but there are many things you can do with kids that don't rack up $. And by being squished in our paidoff condo as long as possible, we are saving $ for the house we want someday (if the housing bubble collapses).

[poetpaladin.livejournal.com]

Love, attention, care. And of course, teaching the child to be a self-learner, self-taught kinda person. Besides, there are so many things a child can learn for free. I taught myself HTML, I experimented on photography, etc. If you teach three things, to learn, to read, to explore, then there is little else to do. :)

[ecstaticlght.livejournal.com]

Lactation Consultant is now considered a standard pay out? WTH? If a baby won't latch on I can see that, but otherwise they tell you what to do for FREE in the hospital.

It is all too safe now isn't it? Parenting should be thought out etc etc, but it is also an adventure. Where's the adventure in everything being perfect at all times? How will a child learn to work with the loops and holes in life if it is all rosey around them at all times? I get a sterile sci fi feeling just considering it.

One good thing about the funds that are layed out as an older parent that I've observed in friends around me having children later is that they are better prepared to understand the legit expenses and possibly/hopefully be in a better financial position to handle what might come up through the years.

[lesliepear.livejournal.com]

I had *1* LC visit. I got the insurance to cover it. There is also wonderful, free advice from LaLeche League - nothing like support from those who have been there.

[vigilante024.livejournal.com]

How will a child learn to work with the loops and holes in life if it is all rosey around them at all times? I get a sterile sci fi feeling just considering it.

I see it everyday and D has to deal with it everyday. little kids who can't understand the word no, students who demand an A for no work. Parents who want to be a friend and not a parent...

D and are want kids but I'm already bracing myself to raising kids around otehrs that had it too easy. and I look to my friends who have kids and how supportive their family is in not pampering a child excessively. kids get upset wehn they can't have everything they want, but they deal with it, I dealed with it. but some kids haven't been taught that adn can't handle real life at all. its really upsetting to see a grown man not being able to take care of himself and runs away from all responsibility (a friend of D who is causing some problemd for everyone...)

[vigilante024.livejournal.com]

a billion typos...my apologies!

[ecstaticlght.livejournal.com]

I was gonna say, then there are always the dozens of friends we've all had at this stage of the game that have their own advice and help they can give.

[moropus.livejournal.com]

I had enough piano lessons to demonstrate that I wasn't going to learn it. That was the end of my formal lessons. Then my parents took all of us to the park to teach us how to play games for free.

I learned how to rollerskate and bike by falling down a gazillion times. Now I hear you get lessons for that.

Friends taught me enough dogpaddling to save myself if I fall into a pool or out of a boat. My parents taught me ping pong, football, baseball, basketball, jumprope, how to work on cars and fix minor things around the house. They taught me how to win a fight. They taught me to be honest. My dad taught me to read and to shoot. Mom taught me to sew, knit (I can't remember how, but she taught me), crochet, darn socks, mend clothes, quilt, grow food, how to grow a flower garden, can, freeze, and make jerky. My mom taught me to build a fire and how to drive on ice and not get killed.

Grandpa taught me how to waltz, play checkers, hammer a nail and paint a house. He taught me to use a treadle sewing machine. He also taught me to care for farm animals, kill, butcher and cook it, and how to know when I've had enough to drink. Grandma taught me to entertain myself when I'm alone, to value my own companionship, and to play solitaire and spades. All of them taught me how to cook plain food and survive.

My husband taught me to drive a stick shift because my parents only had automatic cars.

I think the most important thing they ever taught me was the ability to follow written directions word for word. This has allowed me to use books to fix and learn other things and follow instructions written by those for whom English is not their first language.

[http://users.livejournal.com/little_e_/]

It seems to me that doctors and the like will focus on the health risks and not the financial because the financial difficulties are going to better known to the individual than to the doctor, while health risks will be better known to the doctor than the individual...

If I've kids, I wouldn't mind private lessons of various sorts for them--seems like a decent way to learn stuff they're not getting in schools, and I have a rather dim view of schools.

It's *college* that I dread. Shit, that's expensive now, and it's going to be worse when they're there. Sure, there's loans, but who wants to start one's productive life with tens of thousands in debt?

[reannon.livejournal.com]

Lessons and activities can provide a great social outlet for a kid and allow him/her to explore their interests in ways that schools/regular life can't necessarily provide. There must be limits. I tell Kiddo he can pick two things. At the moment, it's swim lessons and Cub Scouts. My secret: I might go as high as three someday. But no more. That's vital for the pocketbook AND the kid's schedule.

The expense comes in replacing clothes, refilling the lunch ticket at school, a new pair of glasses, summer day camp... It's a million little bites. It's worth it.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Little bites - that's what I remember. I was one of four kids of a single parent - I remember it well.

But no, I never felt deprived - that happened once I left home. And all the programs designed for "underprivledged" situations were gone. Oh well.

Mom got us swim lessons - so we were safe around swimming pools. We went to summer school - every year. We made good use of the parks and recreation deparments and the public libraries.

You don't need to sell me on why keeping these services in place is important.