*hack*

[kyburg]

God, I'm getting used to this. Help. No normal person should be sick this much.

Back at work, but having two actual days available for sick time - comparative heaven. I spent yesterday asleep or reading, got two books finished (that I'd had working for months) and feel much better for it. The fact that I could stay in bed was incredible.

Jim is back to near normal and the kid is no longer popping 104+ fevers every 12 hours. Kid can go back to daycare on Monday - but Jim has spent the last four days at home sick with him.

I'm paying attention, because Jim is much more laid back in style than I have been - I was thinking he was playing, playing, playing...and he hasn't been. Of course, he was dealing with a sick kid and watching too much television. (That bit him in the butt yesterday when kid wasn't tired enough for a nap.)

To say the routines have been disrupted would be an understatement. I think that might be at the root of all the other bonding/attachment/transition issues we've been seeing as well.

In some ways, we're back to square one - in others, we're rushing ahead at a pace that could get pretty rocky. And I have enough language to ask if the 'Mama Mama Mama' calls are for me or someone else. We have enough language to tell the kid 'she's not coming' and he understands.

And I have a revised list of expectations - one, that if he still remembers his foster mother, it's not because I'm full of fail. (You get told the kid 'forgets' quickly, and transfers that attachment to you. 'Quickly' is not a quantative statement. I thought as the language switched, so was the attachment. Not exactly.)

I will need more time outside the house to be me. I'll have to - the revised expectation is that it's going to be a year before he really is comfortable with us, and stops rejecting me because his foster mother isn't me. If I forget who I am - this all falls apart, because taking my cues from the family life isn't going to be a positive experience. And to stay positive...I'm going to have to get my batteries charged someway.

In other news, I have successfully played my first game of Magic, done what I wanted to do in Photoshop and discovered Peggle.

Now, to get well again. Stay tuned.

Comments

[pagawne.livejournal.com]

Hope you get to feeling better soon (now would be good).

It sounds as though you have been hit hard by reality. Time for us is very flexible, and even more so for children.

It will all come together eventually.

[musicalchaos.livejournal.com]

No words. I've been following along as you and Jim have posted about the struggles you've been having with the transition.

I just wish the best to both of you.

[sirena73]

Been reading all this, but haven't commented much - I just wanted to say how much I admire you for what you're doing. I wish you and your family the best, and GET BETTER SOON. :)

[jrittenhouse.livejournal.com]

Agree. Wholeheartedly.

[gretchen-marie.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to see the adjustment, because I worried a LOT about how you would survive if you didn't adjust your expectations.

*HUG*

Honestly, I think parenting is one long series of adjusting expectations. At least it has been for me.

This

[turandot.livejournal.com]

I agree with this.

I'm really glad to hear that too. I think that you will find that adjusting your expectations will help you put pressure off yourself.

I'm also glad you got to take a couple of days off of work. I was thinking about you, wondering if you would have to be going to work sick the entire time. I think just staying home two days will help speed your recovery.

[drlaurac.livejournal.com]

Weekly or biweekly Magic games could be a good outlet for you. I made time once every week to play Dune the CCG when my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and I also atended a support group every week for that. It really helped me to stay connected and feel like I'd done something just for fun that week.

[ororo.livejournal.com]

Good for you for determining you need to keep a grip on your self. *hugs* I hope you feel better soon.