*headwalls*

[kyburg]

There's a little widget on my profile that reads something to the order of 'waiting almost four years for Sierra-Rose' on it. You know that one? The clock starts with the LID date of her dossier we sent to China.

The one that is headed for the trashcan as we speak.

Why, you ask? Why because we can't seem to get our paperwork done on time. Because when I hand Jim a piece of paper from the Customs and Immigration people, it gets ignored. Because I'm tired too and want to stop working at night.

Because. I literally don't have any more clock cycles and it got dropped.

We got a panic call from our agency Wednesday after a kind officer called them asking why we hadn't gotten back to them with our paperwork...and that our case had actually been closed in October, but they were advocating to keep it open.

You can imagine. I haven't touched ground long enough to do anything but fume since.

I was able to get the financials done, my employment verifications and the tax records copied and to the agency next day. Jim? He's working on getting his done today - and it's iffy. If he can't make it happen?

We're done. Toss the four years (and the year and a half prior to that) in the trash and Xander remains an only child. See, I'm fifty now. I am now too old to have kids - unless I slipped my application under the door five years ago. Maybe we can redo the CIS permit under Hague regulations (I would certainly hope so), but then that raises questions on both sides I don't want to think about.

Keep in mind we started work on adopting our family in 2003. Sure, it's a walk in the park and there are TONS of kids who need families!

Until you actually, you know - TRY to find them. Or they, you. Without someone engaging in human trafficking, of course. Which in a lot of cases? You may have been party to, without your knowledge. (Hello, Guatemala?)

I'm told domestic adoptions are getting easier - well, hey - bad economy! (Ugh. Families need to stay together guys. I'm not engaging in any baby scooping. Do. Not. WANT.) And again, I'm now scary old.

Angry would be refreshing. I am getting my head around being done and raising an only child.

I'll let you know if that changes. We'll be damn lucky if it does.

Comments

[marnanel.livejournal.com]

Oh dear :( That's so sad.

[ma-ee-uh.livejournal.com]

I am sorry that it's not going to work out for you a second time. But as someone that does not yet have children and who plans to try to adopt domestically, your comments about domestic adoption kind of sting. I don't feel like I am going to be breaking up a family or "saving" a child from an "unwed mother." If a woman wants to place her child and chooses me to place that child with, then that is her choice. I also would look at her as part of my family and she and her family would be welcome in our lives if she wanted that.

[ma-ee-uh.livejournal.com]

And I am sure you know this, but you would not be considered too old to adopt from foster care, should that be something you would want to explore.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

No, I am too old to adopt from foster care. We went that route first.

[ma-ee-uh.livejournal.com]

Geez, maybe it varies by state -- the states I have lived in have actively reached out to non-traditionally-aged parents to adopt from care.

[dsmoen.livejournal.com]

{hugs}

[violet-tigress1.livejournal.com]

Somehow, I doubt most states would do that.

[murphymom.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry - I will hold good thoughts that a miracle happens. You deserve it.

[ma-ee-uh.livejournal.com]

Actually, most do, and it's part of the national recruitment effort, as well:

http://adoptuskids.org/resourceCenter/about-adoption.aspx

[nagasvoice.livejournal.com]

Go back and read older entries, there's all kinds of resources kyburg posts that you may need.

[ma-ee-uh.livejournal.com]

Like what?

[nagasvoice.livejournal.com]

Adoption resources for all kinds of needs, such as recovery from psychological issues. Foster kids often have the same serious abandonment issues as kids coming out of a foreign culture. Kyburg has posted a lot of stuff to help other people over the last four or five years.

[drlaurac.livejournal.com]

I,too, struggle with the idea of having only the one kid. I also am unable to have a second myself. We lost out chance at China because my dear husband let our immigration paperwork expire. And then we were matched with a domestic birthmom, and she changed her mind. I'm very gun-shy at ever attempting this again. I really can identify with where you're coming from, and I wish there were some way of making the pain go away.

The one little bright flicker is that while it hurts like hell, I think it does make me appreciate the time I have with (and can focus on) the one I have just a teensy bit more.

But yes, it's been a year since we lost the last chance, and (I think) 3 years since we lost the first one, and it still makes me cry.

[turandot.livejournal.com]

Hoping things improve, but you know what? Being parent to an only child is not the worst thing in the world. I'm considering it myself (in my case, because I'm finding that taking care of a small child 24/7 is just too much for me sometimes, and I'm not sure I want to do it again in 2-3 years), since there's ways to make sure said kid is well adjusted.

[luscious-purple.livejournal.com]

I do hope you catch a break with the second adoption. But please, please consider that there are a lot worse things in life than being an only child. I am an only child of older parents. I've known other only children. We're not significantly more defective than people with siblings. Your son's generation will have more only children than our generation did, too.

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

I think it's less concern about Xander being an only and more concern about the eventual fate of his sister.

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

I wish I could send you a day at Kabuki. As it stands, I don't think I can do anything but send good thoughts and a spare bottle of patience. Best wishes and sympathies.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_darkvictory/]

Holding you in The Light.

[monkeyfruit.livejournal.com]

:(