Oh boy.

[kyburg]

One of the things I love about some people (and I'm being facetious) is how they work like mad to Not Do THAT During The Holidays (IE, Christmas) but have no trouble letting fly at Easter.

No, really. I've got at least two stories of kids coming out to their parents and being tossed out of the house at Easter to show for that.

Looks like I'm going to have to add one more to the list - it looks like my nephew outed his mother.

She's 'pulled the trigger' for a divorce, according to BIL. Nephew posted it on FB after Sis had taken the daughter with her on a 'camping trip in the mountains' - across state lines, if I read it right. Best case, she's going to have a Come-to-Jesus with all of us at some point - worst, it's Spring Break, that's a week to move her and daughter permanently to Arizona. You think I'm joking.

Me? I'm talking with lil' bro as much as I can to try to protect my mother. She adores that BIL my Sis wants to kick to the curb (and it makes no sense, he's as kickworthy as a basket of newborn puppies) - lil' bro is worried. "She won't sleep." he said. Me? Dead. Like in the ER, dead. Just give her a good shove, that's all it would take. This qualifies.

Me? Working like hell to not make it worse on my watch. Checking the angles, verifying my work - how do I put this in a place that makes sense? I need to stop being so angry I can't think.

Because I'm going to need my A game, and right away. Can't fly off the handle, can't quit or hide - but I've been lied to, and all of the 'don't look here' distractions weren't my imagination - the bullshit detector still works.

I knew something Big was up, but I didn't know it was Big and Stupid.

We're talking about a 30 year marriage where whatever Sis wanted, she got. Her husband had to travel and make sacrifices with family time to pay for it all - but she got the education she needed, she didn't have to work full-time when the kids were small and the house is so big she needs weekly help to keep it clean (and she gets it, no questions asked). It's an absolute showplace - just the pictures on the walls are multiple thousands over the years of photography to produce them. The yards look like they belong to a resort hotel, pool and all.

She wanted to stop working and go into private practice. Not long ago, she moved the offices to cheaper digs and that was the last I heard. What are the odds. Bet that business has failed and BIL isn't willing to put any more money into it. I am certain Sis would angrily correct me on getting everything she wanted - nobody gets that, and that's likely more true but - honestly, she's been denied very little.

The worst part is she was claiming the daughter was ill. And yes, if my parents were getting divorced, I might be prepared to threaten suicide - wouldn't you, if it would buy some time?

Lucy has some explaining to do. Perhaps.

Just once. I'd like to be wrong about just how selfish and egocentric...to the point of sociopathology...my sister is.

So. Fired. That goes without saying, right?

Comments

[moropus]

Your family sounds just like mine. We must be related.

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

We're talking about a 30 year marriage where whatever Sis wanted, she got.

You don't even live that close to her, do you? You barely talk to her, right? Can you really say with authority what her marriage was like? The outside is not the inside.


Just once. I'd like to be wrong about just how selfish and egocentric...to the point of sociopathology...my sister is.

Huh? Wanting a divorce is sociopathic? What is this, the feudal era?

50% of marriages end in divorce and most of the time it's not because a partner was "denied something" or abused or whatever. Some couples just don't work out. It doesn't mean anyone is immoral or evil. Those same people can go on to have good relationships with other people. They can even still have a good relationship with each other! ...and sometimes they don't have a good relationship anymore, which also isn't necessarily because one or the other is evil.

You act like your BIL bought your sister by so-graciously letting her live in a big house and raise the children (which were, I presume, part his!). If he acted like that too, I'm not surprised she's booting.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Actually, up until recently, we lived less than 15 minutes away from each other. Dealing with this one parent we have left, we've had to be in contact often, routinely. So the lack of reciprocal contact was both odd, and the one-sided nature of it (more like a 'shut up and listen, goodbye') was hardly normal.

I've posted often about Sis - go check the tags. I really thought I was the only person she hated that much - me, she's had to deal with because she had the bad luck to be born the 4th out of 6 pregnancies when she 'deserved' to be the only child of rich parents. She's overcommitted me financially as far back as I can recall - when allowances were $10 a month, she demanded I 'help' her buy Mom a microwave oven for Christmas - about circa 1975 or so? They weren't something $10 would buy. The one instance of shoplifting I committed? Because she demanded the missing ingredients for cookies. I went to the market and stole food. Why yes, yes she was physically abusive as well. That's before high school. All of it. Those are examples, mind.

She found her MRS in college, and lucky for her - he's successful, incredibly bright with money and I seriously doubt she's even had to balance a checkbook in 30 years. She also has never really understood why everyone just doesn't have $500 in the bank in liquid assets at all times. It was so easy - neither of them started out with anything (his family were sharecroppers) - so why wouldn't everyone be this well off?

I'm really trying to be fair - but she's also very good at stiffing everyone on the check, and demands people pay her share of the expenses she demands at the last moment. The best example was when older brother graduated from college, and we all took the train in? She got so short on time afterward, she demanded we take cabs home - something like $300 - and forget what that's like on my budget, she insisted my niece who earns $12 an hour, part-time with a child, pay an equal share. Seriously - she had train fare home, but that was in nickles and dimes. Yes, I took care of it - because Sis wouldn't consider it. She was being put out! It was so unfair of all us to keep her from getting dinner done on time!

Oh yeah, she did the same thing with a Mother's Day brunch once too. Made the niece pay her own way, and Mom's portion too - yes, the single mother. Um, I paid. Shut up, Sis. Just shut up.

It's cost them. To stay with the company, BIL has been on travel 80% of the time because he wouldn't relocate the family to the midwest. So, he's taken that for the team - instead of oh, I dunno. Changing jobs and maybe making less.

Then there's the whole 'I'm going to stop working and go into business for myself' - she once approached me about selling Christmas tree ornaments to raise capital for it. (How do you raise money to pay bills? eBay, hon. Consignment stores.) I'm fairly certain this was the end of the money after the kids private school tuitions (including one private college ride), and when there wasn't any more to reasonably throw at it (and Sis, you now have to go back to work, sorry) - let alone whatever stress there could be created surrounding the tantrums - I haven't heard anything about the business, except she's been too busy to return calls...but that's been a while now.

If there is distance, it's intentional. I know this tactic well - she's not winning and you're not allowed to see that part.

I really thought I was the only one she hated that much.

Bought? I think she was delighted to have found someone who would do what she always wanted and enjoyed doing it for her. And he loved having someone to lavish and spoil - they both grew up with nothing, and I mean that sincerely. They would be giddy with the perks and the OMG, look - we're going to Hawaii three times this year!

I've heard from three of the four players in this drama - the only one not coming forward is Sis.

And anything is possible, but I really do have some history with that fourth player - none of it positive.

I have to stand with the pathology, though. No, she really is just like that.

You want to know why I don't trust women.

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

sounds like she's a giant jerk, and has done a lot of shitty things. but I'm still not seeing why she's so evil for wanting a divorce. Or for not talking to you about it.

and if this is how she is, she's doing her husband a favor. he's got lots of money, he likes to spend it on women and his kids are out of the house - I'm sure he'll find someone else to console him pretty quickly.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

So far, she's the only one who hasn't weighed in at any level.

She's been telling me everything is her daughter's issue and she's "sick." I mean it - EVERYTHING. Too busy, can't take phone calls, you name it.

That's evil. That's lying. And using your kids in a very shitty way.

Seriously. If it wasn't for BIL, I seriously doubt she would even know where I lived right now. *sigh* And he's one of those who just doesn't want the whole find 'someone new' thing. He didn't ask for this.

[xylie]

Yikes. I can only give you my family's blessings in this situation, "May the shit hit the fan in the point you're furthest from."