kyburg | Christmas Eve Eve

My weatherpixie has a Christmas Tree...it's so cute.

I think I'm ready. I think.

I've wrapped until I'm cross-eyed. I've shipped and tracked and looked and watched until I can't do it anymore. UPS, USPS and Amazon have had a deathgrip on my bandwidth lately. I've wracked my poor little head wondering if I have enough food for tomorrow. Can I get it together in time without forgetting anything?

If not, it's too late. In 48 hours, it will all be over. Finito.

No, we are not going to Kentucky for any part of this holiday. We're planning a huge roadtrip in May, though.

The family could not decide to get together. And last night, Jim's mother ended up in tears on the phone. Fuck. We offered to bring her here. We offered to go back there. *huge sigh* Now, we can't do a thing. And she wasn't the only one. Nobody could get it together in time. Crack monkeys. Allyaall - you all suck. So there. I forgive you.

Next Christmas will not be so rich. We'll be in a house that will eat our money faster than this one. Count on it.

But damn if I didn't try. AUGH. This is how Donna gets turned into a control freak. Three easy lessons.

Christmas Day, I am going to take my two vegetable dishes Sis asked me to prepare over there, unpack the presents, find a quiet corner of the new couch and zonk OUT. If it takes a glass of wine or some brandied eggnog, so be it.

My best friend

silverkun is working both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Suckage.

firez got dumped on his head by his father ONCE AGAIN just as he was getting ready to get his GED testing done and get on with his life. I'm certain there was more to it than was let on. I'm sure the two of them just mixed it up once too often - and I swear, that kid has not learned that when someone else is paying the rent, they can do anything they damn well please to you. Literally. Where he will be this Christmas, I don't know.

What the bleep drives me each year this way? Do I think the holidays need to be "perfect?" Well, they rarely are. That's a reality, and I don't fight it.

No, I'm acutely aware that you remember what happens this time of year. Good, bad or indifferent...even the most boring holiday, you remember. There are photos...things...people. You can connect the dots on an entire lifetime from Christmas to Christmas. If there were home movies shot anytime in your life, there were shot on Christmas morning.

And so, I want something positive. It doesn't have to be much.

My home is always a refuge on Christmas Eve. If you have nowhere else to go - come to me. I will have good food, a gift and a warm welcome for you. That was Cliff's tradition, and it's a good one.

It will be more difficult to keep Peace...so many people want to fight it out this year...but I must remember. Accept. Tolerate. Listen.

Only then will the commonalities be found.

The weather is gorgeous today - going to go find something edible and take a walk.

I am so worn.