Psst - want to know a secret?
Jul. 9th, 2003 04:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyburgJust because I've been there and done it already -
Ladies.
You know how they make fun of middle-aged men in their late 50's having "mid-life crises?" Acting strange, wandering around in a daze, doing strange shit out of character, asking themselves the meaning of life and so forth?
We make fun of them because we already did it.
Most women have their mid-lifes at about 27 or so. Just around turning 30.
We realize that we haven't outgrown anything in ten years, we're not going to change much more (maybe gain weight) physically and ohmighad, we're done with school - now what?! You flop around a bit, do a lot of soul-searching, reassess relationships you might (or might not) be in....think about having kids....think about it harder and worry more about it. Wonder if this is all there is.
Most people think this is just fine in your twenties. I'd have to agree. My last big, debilitating depressive episode was at 27. I haven't had one since, and up to then, I'd had one about every 10 years since age 8. But I was right on schedule at 27, it seems. Most of the women I know went through this - and it's quite useful, really.
And it sucked, truthfully. You want to cast some things in stone, and dammit if they won't go. Who am I? Where am I going? What's going to happen to me? WTF, I am really going to get old someday...damn! I gotta get going. So a lot of women tend to make big changes.
One lady I knew had left her order as a nun; at 29 she decided it wasn't what she had been called to do at 17. She had joined another order within 5 years, but you note the age.
So many of my friends married at this age. The ones that had married younger were now divorcing. The men were clueless as to why. Changing jobs, changing careers...the list goes on. But the women get this out of their system by 35 or so.
Men? They get to 57 or so, check the mirror and go "WTF?! I'm OLD! SHIT!" And go nuts.
It's the estrogen. Or something.
And men wonder why we always have a burr up our arses.
Ladies.
You know how they make fun of middle-aged men in their late 50's having "mid-life crises?" Acting strange, wandering around in a daze, doing strange shit out of character, asking themselves the meaning of life and so forth?
We make fun of them because we already did it.
Most women have their mid-lifes at about 27 or so. Just around turning 30.
We realize that we haven't outgrown anything in ten years, we're not going to change much more (maybe gain weight) physically and ohmighad, we're done with school - now what?! You flop around a bit, do a lot of soul-searching, reassess relationships you might (or might not) be in....think about having kids....think about it harder and worry more about it. Wonder if this is all there is.
Most people think this is just fine in your twenties. I'd have to agree. My last big, debilitating depressive episode was at 27. I haven't had one since, and up to then, I'd had one about every 10 years since age 8. But I was right on schedule at 27, it seems. Most of the women I know went through this - and it's quite useful, really.
And it sucked, truthfully. You want to cast some things in stone, and dammit if they won't go. Who am I? Where am I going? What's going to happen to me? WTF, I am really going to get old someday...damn! I gotta get going. So a lot of women tend to make big changes.
One lady I knew had left her order as a nun; at 29 she decided it wasn't what she had been called to do at 17. She had joined another order within 5 years, but you note the age.
So many of my friends married at this age. The ones that had married younger were now divorcing. The men were clueless as to why. Changing jobs, changing careers...the list goes on. But the women get this out of their system by 35 or so.
Men? They get to 57 or so, check the mirror and go "WTF?! I'm OLD! SHIT!" And go nuts.
It's the estrogen. Or something.
And men wonder why we always have a burr up our arses.
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Sing it, sister!
Date: 2003-07-09 10:23 pm (UTC)Naw...I think it's because we're more self aware.
Unlike men, most women have some sort of responsibilities in our twenties --whether it's starting a career, having children or a starter marriage (in some cases, all three), you wake up one day and find yourself attached to some guy you thought you knew and a life you're no longer sure you want. And you realize the clock is ticking. If you're single and want to be married and have kids, well then the pressure is really on if you've not "found" someone yet.
I think men have more models in terms of just living with blinders on, because they can walk away, whereas women can't -- particularly if they have children. Ever notice that men (single or married) never worry about how to juggle family and career? Ever notice how it is women (even if they don't have children) have two full time jobs?I certainly felt that way when I was married. No wonder we lose it in our twenties to mid thirties.
Like you, I had my last debilitating depression (read: one week hospitalization) when I was 26. And realized then if I didn't do something I'd be half dead for the rest of my life.
My twenties were the best and worst thing that ever happened to me.
It was my midlife crisis. Now I'm 37, I'm more settled and ready to focus on what's important to me.
And men wonder why we always have a burr up our arses.
Rather have a burr up my arse than a midlife crisis at 57.
Amen.