Psst - want to know a secret?

[kyburg]

Just because I've been there and done it already -

Ladies.

You know how they make fun of middle-aged men in their late 50's having "mid-life crises?" Acting strange, wandering around in a daze, doing strange shit out of character, asking themselves the meaning of life and so forth?

We make fun of them because we already did it.

Most women have their mid-lifes at about 27 or so. Just around turning 30.

We realize that we haven't outgrown anything in ten years, we're not going to change much more (maybe gain weight) physically and ohmighad, we're done with school - now what?! You flop around a bit, do a lot of soul-searching, reassess relationships you might (or might not) be in....think about having kids....think about it harder and worry more about it. Wonder if this is all there is.

Most people think this is just fine in your twenties. I'd have to agree. My last big, debilitating depressive episode was at 27. I haven't had one since, and up to then, I'd had one about every 10 years since age 8. But I was right on schedule at 27, it seems. Most of the women I know went through this - and it's quite useful, really.

And it sucked, truthfully. You want to cast some things in stone, and dammit if they won't go. Who am I? Where am I going? What's going to happen to me? WTF, I am really going to get old someday...damn! I gotta get going. So a lot of women tend to make big changes.

One lady I knew had left her order as a nun; at 29 she decided it wasn't what she had been called to do at 17. She had joined another order within 5 years, but you note the age.

So many of my friends married at this age. The ones that had married younger were now divorcing. The men were clueless as to why. Changing jobs, changing careers...the list goes on. But the women get this out of their system by 35 or so.

Men? They get to 57 or so, check the mirror and go "WTF?! I'm OLD! SHIT!" And go nuts.

It's the estrogen. Or something.

And men wonder why we always have a burr up our arses.

Comments

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

...wow. And here I thought I was being smart, trying to plan my turning-30 crisis so I could spread it out a little bit over this year of 29-ness. But I had my big nervous breakdown just about two years ago. I think you're on to something.

[quu.livejournal.com]

i tend to notice that MANY of my female freinds suddenly wanted children at 26 and a half years old... almost like clockwork

I just have to figure out if i want to wait that long... and a woman who has undergon her "midlife crisis" as you describe is the sexy desirable type... at least to us europeans...

maybe that's my problem... debra does not know what she wants yet

[jadegirl.livejournal.com]

Oh shit. I've got 1-3 years, if you're right.

Don't let me do anything utterly boneheaded, 'k?

[riverheart.livejournal.com]

Been there. Done that.

I married Bob at 29.

oh gahd

[reannon.livejournal.com]

So that's why I'm getting a divorce. I'm 28. :)

So the next two years are my mid-life crisis? Do I get to write strange stuff, travel a lot and have passionate affairs with dashing men who mean nothing to me? Please?

What's the point of a nervous breakdown if I can't enjoy myself?

Re: oh gahd

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

You go, girl. Nobody deserves a good time more than you -

[inagawayuu.livejournal.com]

*thinks back over everything that has happened to her since turning 27 nine months ago* 0_o

Shite! That applies to me! I think you *are* on to something! My mom and grandmother also went through massive depression spells in their late 20s too.

But no divorce for me though. I know I'm driving Carlos crazy, but he's sticking by me, even though sometimes I do my darndest to push him away for no good reason.

*has just had, like, an epiphany*

[kitty-minako.livejournal.com]

I'm currently 27 and want it all. Y'know..the house, the dashing husband,kids..etc. I'm not even close to having any of it X_x. On to plan B! Apartment,fun job, a couple cats =P.

There's a lot of thinking and planning going on in my life right now. I have an idea what I want..I'm just not sure how to go about getting it.

[unclejimbo.livejournal.com]

Well, as of now I am 39 and am on my 23rd childhood and feeling fine...

I might want a sportscar later on, but all in all, I'll have my fun with a really cool computer instead...

Now what kind of system can I get for $6000 ^^

[unclemilo.livejournal.com]

Sheesh... I'm 33 and male and I've had at least 2 such crises already!!When I was in High School, I had hoped to be married by 28... I screwed that plan up... hell... I don't even have a girlfriend at the moment. I think life is crisis.

Hmmm

[turandot.livejournal.com]

I don't know... I'm 27, and I don't feel so much like "Is this all there is to it?" as more or less "Good god, I haven't even gotten started yet".

FYI, I am thinking kids, eventually, but I think I can go another year or two without them if necessary. =P

[lostboydv.livejournal.com]

I've been freaking out for about 6 weeks, dealing with thoughts of death and what comes after it, worrying that I may never have a child and if I sdo, I may be in adult diapers by his or her graduation... I think I'm in my major midlife crisis right now. I hope this is the only one. I can't take it. It's led me to do so much soul searching and even religious research. It's very painful, psychologically, what I'm going through. Right now I'm taking some comfort in buddhist philosophy, reading a book by a Vietnamese monk. I'm also pondering how I can most quickly and effectively improve my life situation to enable me to find a potential mate. I want marriage and kids. Sound crisisy enough? Yeah, I think so too.

Sing it, sister!

[sf-rose.livejournal.com]

It's the estrogen. Or something.

Naw...I think it's because we're more self aware.

Unlike men, most women have some sort of responsibilities in our twenties --whether it's starting a career, having children or a starter marriage (in some cases, all three), you wake up one day and find yourself attached to some guy you thought you knew and a life you're no longer sure you want. And you realize the clock is ticking. If you're single and want to be married and have kids, well then the pressure is really on if you've not "found" someone yet.

I think men have more models in terms of just living with blinders on, because they can walk away, whereas women can't -- particularly if they have children. Ever notice that men (single or married) never worry about how to juggle family and career? Ever notice how it is women (even if they don't have children) have two full time jobs?I certainly felt that way when I was married. No wonder we lose it in our twenties to mid thirties.

Like you, I had my last debilitating depression (read: one week hospitalization) when I was 26. And realized then if I didn't do something I'd be half dead for the rest of my life.

My twenties were the best and worst thing that ever happened to me.
It was my midlife crisis. Now I'm 37, I'm more settled and ready to focus on what's important to me.

And men wonder why we always have a burr up our arses.

Rather have a burr up my arse than a midlife crisis at 57.

Amen.

what a coinkydink!

[bigbigtruck.livejournal.com]

How about at 25 going on 26?

Re: what a coinkydink!

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

For someone with your maturity, I'd say you were right on schedule.

[musicalchaos.livejournal.com]

Oh lucky me. I'm only seventeen and have already hit the point most people take decades to reach. You know, debating death, making my peace (in as much as I am able at least, when my depression isn't crushing me into non-existence), etc. Yeah I still have fun with the twists and turns of teenage hormones, but for the most part those have worn off. I just hope this is it, if I get hit at 50 I'll snap. Oh well, at least I'll have had some experience with the change involved and will know what I'll retreat into. And thank whatever powers there are that it isn't anything expensive. Give me a game or a set of philosophy books and I'm happy for months on end. Yay.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

*pats you on shoulder*

One of my most debilitating depressive episodes WAS at age 18 - could have died. The anxiety was so severe I threw up everything that went down and couldn't sleep.

Back then, the only weapon of choice was valium and they gave me the teeny 2mg tabs to break in half. Valium will kick your ass - I broke those into fourths and still felt the effect. Bah. No fucking way. And I think I can count the times I actually used them on one hand. HATE the idea of being drugged.

No, things change as you pass through life...and continue to change long after you think things are set for life.

Re:

[musicalchaos.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I mistated that. Though I definitely agree with the sentiment about hating being drugged. I understand quite well that things will change through my life, and many times it will either be out of my hands or something I will be unwilling to accept. I also understand, or at least as best I can, the knowledge of nearing death. It isn't anxiety for me, but suicide. I nearly pulled it off several times between 10 and 13. They actually considered hospitalizing me for a time. Fortunately, I thrive on change. But I still worry about being hit by another extremely philosophical mood. It gets rather annoying staying up until 3 in the morning when you've got to be up at 5 the next day just so you can talk to yourself trying to figure out everything from the past, both general and personal, to the existence of the universe. Ugh, some days I really hate knowing quantum mechanics. Especially when I use it in conjunction with fractal geometry to come up with completely insane and, well I'm tempted to say half-baked and would if I but had a chance to test them, ideas. Either way, Yeah, I know things will change, and am torn between welcoming it and being apprehensive about it. Oh well, no cars for me, none-the-less *chuckle*.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Hee. It was the idea that I *might* seriously consider suicide that kept me on the edge - no, I never tried it, but the very idea that would seriously consider it was scary enough.

That was miserable. That was when I was under 90 lbs, as tall as I am now (and weighing in over 160, I think....) -

You sound like my late husband - he was into that stuff too. *grins*