Psst - want to know a secret?

[kyburg]

Just because I've been there and done it already -

Ladies.

You know how they make fun of middle-aged men in their late 50's having "mid-life crises?" Acting strange, wandering around in a daze, doing strange shit out of character, asking themselves the meaning of life and so forth?

We make fun of them because we already did it.

Most women have their mid-lifes at about 27 or so. Just around turning 30.

We realize that we haven't outgrown anything in ten years, we're not going to change much more (maybe gain weight) physically and ohmighad, we're done with school - now what?! You flop around a bit, do a lot of soul-searching, reassess relationships you might (or might not) be in....think about having kids....think about it harder and worry more about it. Wonder if this is all there is.

Most people think this is just fine in your twenties. I'd have to agree. My last big, debilitating depressive episode was at 27. I haven't had one since, and up to then, I'd had one about every 10 years since age 8. But I was right on schedule at 27, it seems. Most of the women I know went through this - and it's quite useful, really.

And it sucked, truthfully. You want to cast some things in stone, and dammit if they won't go. Who am I? Where am I going? What's going to happen to me? WTF, I am really going to get old someday...damn! I gotta get going. So a lot of women tend to make big changes.

One lady I knew had left her order as a nun; at 29 she decided it wasn't what she had been called to do at 17. She had joined another order within 5 years, but you note the age.

So many of my friends married at this age. The ones that had married younger were now divorcing. The men were clueless as to why. Changing jobs, changing careers...the list goes on. But the women get this out of their system by 35 or so.

Men? They get to 57 or so, check the mirror and go "WTF?! I'm OLD! SHIT!" And go nuts.

It's the estrogen. Or something.

And men wonder why we always have a burr up our arses.

Comments

[musicalchaos.livejournal.com]

Oh lucky me. I'm only seventeen and have already hit the point most people take decades to reach. You know, debating death, making my peace (in as much as I am able at least, when my depression isn't crushing me into non-existence), etc. Yeah I still have fun with the twists and turns of teenage hormones, but for the most part those have worn off. I just hope this is it, if I get hit at 50 I'll snap. Oh well, at least I'll have had some experience with the change involved and will know what I'll retreat into. And thank whatever powers there are that it isn't anything expensive. Give me a game or a set of philosophy books and I'm happy for months on end. Yay.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

*pats you on shoulder*

One of my most debilitating depressive episodes WAS at age 18 - could have died. The anxiety was so severe I threw up everything that went down and couldn't sleep.

Back then, the only weapon of choice was valium and they gave me the teeny 2mg tabs to break in half. Valium will kick your ass - I broke those into fourths and still felt the effect. Bah. No fucking way. And I think I can count the times I actually used them on one hand. HATE the idea of being drugged.

No, things change as you pass through life...and continue to change long after you think things are set for life.

Re:

[musicalchaos.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I mistated that. Though I definitely agree with the sentiment about hating being drugged. I understand quite well that things will change through my life, and many times it will either be out of my hands or something I will be unwilling to accept. I also understand, or at least as best I can, the knowledge of nearing death. It isn't anxiety for me, but suicide. I nearly pulled it off several times between 10 and 13. They actually considered hospitalizing me for a time. Fortunately, I thrive on change. But I still worry about being hit by another extremely philosophical mood. It gets rather annoying staying up until 3 in the morning when you've got to be up at 5 the next day just so you can talk to yourself trying to figure out everything from the past, both general and personal, to the existence of the universe. Ugh, some days I really hate knowing quantum mechanics. Especially when I use it in conjunction with fractal geometry to come up with completely insane and, well I'm tempted to say half-baked and would if I but had a chance to test them, ideas. Either way, Yeah, I know things will change, and am torn between welcoming it and being apprehensive about it. Oh well, no cars for me, none-the-less *chuckle*.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Hee. It was the idea that I *might* seriously consider suicide that kept me on the edge - no, I never tried it, but the very idea that would seriously consider it was scary enough.

That was miserable. That was when I was under 90 lbs, as tall as I am now (and weighing in over 160, I think....) -

You sound like my late husband - he was into that stuff too. *grins*