Gotta sleep sometime....

[kyburg]

I wish I had another six hours.

Today was the day of "where the fuck did that come from?"

As in, the dads in our department were back in after being out yesterday with their kids. Because it was a school holiday. Yanno. No big deal.

And all I could think of was how I had to leave Cliff home alone with only Meals on Wheels and a phone call at 2:30 to keep him alive until I got home at seven. At least four times, when he didn't answer the phone at 2:30, I'd have called the police to go over and check on him for me - and they'd found him in a coma and transported him.

Why wasn't I home to look after him myself? I had to work - I was hourly, I was deathly afraid of losing my job and every time I mentioned him to my boss, the response was "this is not a good time for him to be sick right now." No shit. I got mine back - when I got the call telling me he'd passed at 1:30 AM, I called the bastid at 2:00 AM to tell him I wouldn't be in and why. I went in that day anyway - and the day after. I didn't miss one single day of work, even when my husband died.

But now - the dads just tell the boss they have to go home and look after the kids because school's out - and it's fine. It's a different company, a different man in charge -

I've tried to explain what happened - and their attitude is not overt, but surely I could have done something about it and was too stupid not to.. Just didn't have the Right Stuff - just a garden variety pudnocker. LOOOOSER.

I'd love to have the two perfect kids, too - ya jerk. I'd have loved to have spent the last ten years working here, too. I've been more things to more companies for more reasons that you'd ever like to think of - but because I'm not -whatever it is today- it doesn't have any value.

It would be nice if they would simply attribute some of it to just plain fortune.

I have to remember. This reaction is denial of the reality of it - it didn't happen to them because THEY were smart, THEY were cool, THEY did all the right things. Instead of because it just didn't happen to them, period. But it could - oh yes, it could. But until something like it does, it's all them. It's a common reaction, and I can understand it.

But dammit, today - I resent it to holy hell.

Shake it off, bitch. It'll make you a bitter old woman, for sure.

Comments

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I've never considered myself a feminist largely because being a feminist exclusively doesn't address 50% of the population. I've sworn up and down that for every stupid thing men have done to women, there are two stupid things we ALL do to men.

I've told sweet young things to go home and take care of their children if they didn't like working that much - they didn't appreciate it at all. And in today's world, how could you afford to live in a house and drive a SUV?

Congratulations on reinventing yourself - we ought to form a club. We Saw It Coming - and did something about it.

Luck often masquerades as very hard work. Good thing we know how to work hard, neh?

Ever feel funny doing well with what you prepared yourself to do, now that it's paying dividends? I do - but I think it's just leftovers from how angry I was when I just didn't have anything to provide a decent life when Cliff was still alive. I'm still angry about that. All the resources came to me after he died - when he couldn't use them and I didn't need them. *grump*

[lolleeroberts.livejournal.com]

I think we use different definitions of feminist - I tend to use it to mean wanting true equal rights for women, not an excuse to male-bash or a demand for preferential treatment. It may simply be that I'm in Texas, or that one of my former bosses once said women were good for two things and you didn't cook or f*ck at the office.

As for luck disguised as hard work - oh heck yeah. My mom could join that club too. She went back to work and started her own company so when my dad left her she had a source of income. Gee, wasn't she lucky she went back to school in her forties and started not one but two small companies that took 60+ hours a week to run?

I don't really feel guilty because I'm still not making that much money. What's nice (and I don't feel at all guilty about it, thank you very much!) is that nursing is one of those fields that if you've got a master's degree you can find a job if you can stay upright. I may get old and too decrepit to work in a hospital or as a practitioner, but I can sit in front of a class and lecture.