My fingers want to talk but the bandaids won't let them -

[kyburg]

So I visited my OBGYN. Who I share with Majel Roddenberry (yes, I do - scary).

Who, when I said I was now ready to begin trying to have a family, referred me without suggesting anything else first. I'm 43. You don't get pregnant without a LOTTA help (and likely not even then) if you an old fart like me. I chose this fellow because he specializes in assisted reproduction (back in the day, it was Cliff and his low sperm count and retrograde ejaculation at fault, so we needed one of these guys) - and four years ago, he said I should go to school instead of trying for a kid using a sperm donor. Okay, here I am - WTF?

Nevermind I'm regular as a clock and have had no major changes in my menses in 10 years. And I mean it. I've been watching. If I'm perimenopausal, so is everyone ten years my junior.

I am major league annoyed.

So I took the referral and made the appointment. I know the name by reputation. There are benefits to getting your heath care from the hospital of the stars - this guy is well-known, one of the best and his patients love him. This won't bother me at all.

A whiz-bang Beverly Hills fertility specialist. When we reached his office by phone, they wanted to know what problems we were having. None. I'm 43. I could see the receptionist shaking her head. We've got an appointment in a couple of weeks.

Okay, I'll go jump through the hoops and see what they say.

Welcome to having kids without sex, ladies and gentlemen. *kicks chair* I didn't expect it to be easy or cheap - but I didn't expect to get the rush out the door to someone else's office quite like this.

I look for silver hair just about every time I brush it - and don't find any. My periods are regular - predictable - annoying as ever.

I'd be happy to adopt, don't get me wrong. I think it's just the pent-up "I've had sucky periods all this time for nothing?!" that's getting me.

Grrr.

Comments

[auntiesiannan.livejournal.com]

<--spawned from a 47 year old uterus.

Relax. :)

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I need a Donald Duck icon in full fury for moments like this. NAH, I HAD NO IDEA I WAS OVER FORTY, !@#$%#$@

I wanna hug.

[auntiesiannan.livejournal.com]

*hughughug*

auntie wuv woo.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Wuv you too.

This so sucks.

[ceolyn.livejournal.com]

I've said it before, I'll say it again. Mom got Emma with out any outside assistance, er, well at least with out any out assistance other than her then boyfriend. Have you considered that the up-fuckedness of the scheduling that you and Jim have been dealing with lately may have a goodly bit to do with things? From what you've told me the two of you are rarely home and awake at the same time, much less awake and in the mood at the same time, this will make a rather deep inroad to any attempts at making with the baby.

In the mean time we'll be keeping our fingers crossed over here for you.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

If they had any idea how very slim a chance I've had the past three years of even *thinking* about getting pregnant -

Intimacy? Whazzat?

It's the bum's rush out the door that really got me, I think. "Nope, too old. Can't help you."

Bah.

[ceolyn.livejournal.com]

As another thought/aside: Have you gotten/tried any ovulation kits? Those handy little tests that tell you what time of your cycle you're supposed to be fertile? Not too horridly expensive from what I gather and fairly reliable to boot.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I've thought about them, but really want more information before spending more time on it - like, a good workup.

A place to start, at least -

[ceolyn.livejournal.com]

It was mostly a thought of something you can try at home and not be spending major money, when there's a chance you don't need to. Try some folic acid supplements and that in the mean time before the visit with the new doc. Can't hurt anything at the very least.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Been doing that prep work for a year now - *nods* - I really think anything that is going to be successful is going to require some intervention. Some. I fully expect to go in to see this guy and be asked to begin a full-on IVF program. Which is silly - when we have as "little egg & sperm in the same place problem" as we do. Rule that out first, then we'll see how expensive we want this kid to be.

Frankly, an adoption and an IVF pregnancy are about as expensive -

[pywacket.livejournal.com]

much good luck. I'm not that much younger than you and I got the head shaking when I told the docs my age too. Got knocked up quicker than a 16 year old in the back of a camero--which shocked everyone. Here's hoping for some good surprises. If we ever find the place to settle down I'll be trying for another post 40 too.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I know you're not looking towards moving back here to California, but I wouldn't mind....

Sure you can't take a kitty girl off my hands? Nobody else I'd rather give her to -

It's the throwaway toss I got that bugs me the most about this. Too old. Go away.

[pywacket.livejournal.com]

it would be good to know you irl, yes. California is just too hard for us, somehow a switch got flipped when we left San Francisco--probably the bay area just ate us up (I was there for 14 years and it got harder and harder).

I'd take a kitty girl if I didn't already have an empress who has declared her minions be only male. Miss Ninny is 14 and quite the evil dowager (oh how we love her ;-)

I got the same thing when I went in for a checkup and said, Ok I'm ready. I was er, 36 I think. It was--"OH GOOD LORD, you waited so long, it might never happen." I had my bits and pieces checked out and left. 6 months after I tossed out the pill and the very first weekend we said "ok lets get pregnant" I got knocked up. My doctor was shocked.

I got the reverse treatement when I got the amnio. They wouldn't prep me because I didn't look old enough. I just cracked up after so many statements about "advanced maternal age."

Being an older mom is tough in the energy department which is why I'm trying to execise and meditate but in the brain department (most times) it is the best thing. I savor so much more and don't just react to her, but think about what's going on.

I will get a baby making candle going for you ok ;-) ?

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I think having a kid period is tough in the energy department - thinking back, I remember being just as tired (and got sick easier) in my twenties, running around at 95 - 120 lbs trying to get through college.

Gosh, Ninny must be doing well - how is she these days?

[pywacket.livejournal.com]

Miss Ninny is pretty good. You can tell the diabetes has her slowing down, but she's just had her 14th birthday and she's still our grumpy empress. The kitten Bartleby annoys her at times, as do the other boys, but she still gives them what for most of the time. She may have no teeth, but uses her swift paws and breath of doom to her advantage (the latter I'm sure of, as I get a morning nosebite).

I got a lot sicker in my 20s too, and the early 30s. Now it is about once a year, even when the Bean gets something. And strangely I recover faster.

Ah what I would give to be 120 again.

[smilenfrown.livejournal.com]

Gambatte!!! When your baby finally arrives, it will be MUCH loved;-)

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Whether it comes via stork or social worker, you got it!

Resolve

[forestcats.livejournal.com]

Welcome to a new phase of education about your body. The quick choice to boot you to a specialist is because they are very realistic with working with the time available.

Our story started trying at 29, and ended at 41 still anovulatory with regular periods of 28 days forever. Enjoyed plenty of repro testing, taking morning temperature for years, Clomid hormonal surges from hell, so many vaginal ultrasounds checking on the ovary and egg growth I was considering installing well lighted a run way there. Spent thousands and the only time that it was proven I ovulated 2 days after IVF we were broadsided and rolled in my truck by in uninsured illegal alien who was doing 70mph while putting on her Mary Kay makeup in Chino.

I would suggest starting with www.resolve.com as a first step, then buy a Clear Plan Easy tester and 3 months worth of strips. They are an accurate indicator of when to time sex before you ovulate.

Being open to adoption you first have to be ready to close the door on grieving for your own body. Yep it bites but when you get a physician who cuts to the reality the sooner you can work in the direction to becoming a family. We ended up with my husband admitting he wasn't able to stretch and grow to rear an adopted child.

Good luck where ever your journey takes you.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I don't think I would have minded if he had given me as much to work with as you just did.

No suggestions, nothing. I'll check out the website - but I really hoped to have a reasonable physical to work from before I began anything -

[littlesue1971.livejournal.com]

Good Luck with everything, sweetie.

[lisabelle.livejournal.com]

From what I understand, it has nothing to do with the regularity of your cycle -- it's the age of your eggs. A lot of doctors feel like they have a moral obligation to not let you use your own eggs if you're over a certain age (36-38), because the occurrance of birth defects and difficult pregnancies is so much higher than with younger mommies.

Still, you SHOULD be annoyed at treatment like that.

Bestest of luck, kiddo.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

You should never let the family genealogist decide when it's too late to begin a family.

I've got 100 years of evidence that the women in our family tend to stop having children late in their 50's - and all of the women in my generation got more fertile after 35. I don't know when Mom would have gone through menopause - she had a hysterectomy to deal with fibroids/icky periods and that was that. Mmm. Early fifties? I was using her stuff when I began menstruating at 13 - and I was born when she was 38. (I'm also not the youngest - kid brother came along two years later.)

There's a queen mother in my family history who had over 20 children - some with her husband, some with each of her two lovers.

*grump* Didn't even draw blood or nothing. VERY irritated, indeed.

[lisabelle.livejournal.com]

And does this doctor know any of this family history of yours? Crazy that there wasn't any evaluation at ALL.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I can say a lot, very fast. Yes, I told him.

I'm 43. See ya.

[pipu.livejournal.com]

Do you know about/are you practicing Fertility Awareness? If you aren't, I highly reccomend the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. I started charting my basal temp over a year ago, and in addition to helping me understand my cycle a lot more than I ever did, it helped me get pregnant twice (never mind that both pregnancies ended in miscarriages). It can really help with making sure you're trying at the right time (I know, scheduled intimacy sounds so awful, but in these busy times, what are you going to do?)... because lord knows, you can be as fertile as all get-out, but if you aren't "doin' it" on the right two days of the month, it won't amount to anything.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Yes, I would say I have been - but monitoring my basal temp has been - shall we say - an exercise in frustration. I'm certain I'm going to need something else to chart things any closer - my waking temps often skew based on how much sleep I've gotten/how tired I was going to bed. A lot.

The guy didn't even want to discuss that. It's so annoying. Come on, a cheap, conservative place to begin - is that so strange these days?

[murphymom.livejournal.com]

Adoptee here who got pregnant at 37 and again at 42...two perfectly normal, perfectly healthy kids (# 3 and 4 for me, 1 and 2 for their dad). Others have noted, and you've commented yourself, that it's hard to get pregnant when you're not in the smae place at the same time on a fairly regular basis. Kid #4 took us 18 months to conceive, because we were trying for a boy and conseuently timing intercourse to occur as close to ovulation as possible.
Whatever the ultimate solution turns out to be for you, you and Uncle jimbo will be dynamite parents.

hgs and best wishes

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Thanks - the literature arrived from Dr. Whiz-Bang today - it's all very high-tech, very invasive stuff. Not what I would start with, knowing our history.

We're going to need a long talk with this guy, methinks.

[evilshell.livejournal.com]

You've just taken away one of my excuses to the mother in law as to why I don't want kids ;)

I think it is great you're not going with the trends, not accepting the "you're too old for pregnancy" line. Go for it

(and I'm jealous that you have no grey hair yet. I started going grey when I was in my early, early 20s - I'm probably at least 50% grey now)

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

My brunette sister got her first gray hair at 9 - and I've been looking, but finding nada. I can't figure it out.

I want a family of my own. It's just that simple. I'm ready, I've been waiting, and it's something I want to add to what I already have.

And I waited until I WAS ready, thank you very much. Any sooner would have been narsty.

[evilshell.livejournal.com]

You're just lucky - and being fair-haired, less likely to start getting visible grey early :) I had my first one when I was 5- I was getting my tonsils out and the nurse saw a grey and yanked it out, much to my mother's horror :)

It sounds like you're really ready for a family - and that means your child is going to be a very lucky one, indeed.