Oh, and another thing?

[kyburg]

We may have an appointment the middle of June with Dr. Whiz-Bang, but we also have an appointment the latter part of June (earliest I could make it) with the DCFS Adoptions group in Los Angeles County to begin that process as well.

If you think I'm going to spend ANY time feeling sorry for myself or just plain moping around, you don't know me very well.

I've waited long enough to have my family. If it is at all possible, I'm going to make it happen.

If not, I know it and can make what plans I need to.

To live my life surrounded by people my own age seems such a waste - variety...variety man!

Would I adopt an older kid? I'm older, aren't I?

Checking the websites, I see kids grouped into "special needs" who are being treated for depression. Oh give me a break. Let me think. You're 11 - 15 years old, part of a group of four or five sibs - heaven knows what happened to your parents - and you're depressed - and that's a defect?

You can hear the screeching, right? Jeeeeeeezzzzzzzzus! I can just imagine Jim reading that and looking at me before saying something. Under that criteria, both of us are "damaged goods."

I don't think a mentally retarded child would do well with us - and I would terminate a Down's pregnancy, simply because that child could outlive me and be at the mercy of my culture - no way.

But coping with that kind of loss puts you in the same box? *huffs*

The assumptions people make never fail to astound me.

Lemme at 'em.

Comments

[forestcats.livejournal.com]

The cost (flesh selling) for domestic adoption and the forever waiting to TPR (terminate parental rights) on foster children had me investigate international adoption. I have great moral problems with the corruption of the different systems. I found that the Ukraine to be the most compassionate. Minimal cost just cover the court fees. They closed foreign adoptions for almost two years when they found baby selling and bribery. I haven't looked into the latest but this site is one of the finest advocates http://www.ukrainianangels.org/ Cathy Harris freely gives you all the details you need to do an independent adoption where you aren't paying an agency blood money (my words). You need to get a home study from someone licensed for international adoption and that runs about 2K. Travel and transcription of your file and staying in the Ukraine for 2 weeks will still run you under 10K.
There are plenty of kids, over 110K in this state today in the foster system. Supposedly the new rules only gave 2 years for reunification with the family of origin. If you take on a kid still in this time period you will be required to arrange for parental visits and monthly inspections of your home. Our home being two story was a major issue for one agency even though we were seeking to adopt they look at each home as a potential law suit against the state of CA.
Get yourself a pound of really good tea, and get Zen with red tape. Its difficult in the sense you might not be used to being judged and paying for the privilege but not impossible and the chance to have your own kid at the end will be amazing!

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

*nods* I'm going the DCFS route to get the homestudy and all done - and see how it goes. We'd do an international adoption, no danger - but I'd like more information first. On a lot of things. *grin*

Zen, hell. Stupid is as stupid does. And I refuse to get numb with the concept, at least at the beginning of it all.

[riverheart.livejournal.com]

Good luck to you. I hope you get to do what it seems I never will.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Girl, you sell your work too cheap - and that's all.

[paper-flame.livejournal.com]

Hi!

Not sure you know this about me, but I'm a supervisor for LA County DCFS. I don't work in adoptions (my unit does family maintenance and reunification), but we do work with them.

Also, I adopted my two girls, who came through the Orange County foster care system. They were ages 6 and 7 when they came to me, and were considered "unadoptable" due to their ages, because they were a sibling set, and because they were not caucasian. My experience has been wonderful, and the best thing by far that I have ever done!

Anyway, I'm here if you ever have questions I could maybe answer, or if you need any support!

Kathleen

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

No, I didn't - thanks!

(And your kids are da bomb - thanks for sharing.)

I'd be happy to take a sibling set - but pardon me for asking - I've seen a ton of those situations looking around this morning - how the heck does that happen?

[paper-flame.livejournal.com]

Well, mom and/or dad does something abusive or neglectful, and then all of the kids are detained. If mom/dad doesn't get it together, the "sibling set" goes on to adoption, and are hopefully matched with adoptive parents. Every effort is made to keep siblings together. Sometimes mom has a new baby while their case is still open, and if there is still risk of abuse or neglect, the new baby will be detained too. Sounds cold, but it happens. A lot.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

There are no words.

I'm curious - how did they match you up with your girls?

[paper-flame.livejournal.com]

I had to work through a private agency (Holy Family Services) to do my home study, since I work for LA County. HFS works with all counties in California to make matches. During the home study process, you fill out tons of paperwork about yourself and what sort of child you're interested in (age, sex, siblings, etc.). Also, you go down a list and state whether or not you would consider having a child with certain issues (i.e. bedwetting, prenatal drug exposure, tantrums, depression, etc.). At some point in my process I decided I'd consider having two (siblings), which I'm now very thankful for! I also knew I wanted girls, and I did not want an infant. Also, I wanted children who were already "legally freed," since there would be no risk of them going back to their parents at that point. I waited for probably about a year after my home study was completed, and finally they called me and told me about my two girls! There was a meeting where they gave me a lot of background info about the kids, then after I said I was interested, they arranged for me to meet the girls at their foster home. We had a few visits, then they started coming to my house for the weekend. After about a month of weekend visits, they moved in with me, and the rest is history! It's hard to believe that was almost five years ago!

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

*thinks* You'd be a terrific resource - and you're local to boot.

Our first meeting is last part of June - but would you be open to getting together? Both Jim and I had narsty step-parent experiences and we wouldn't wish that on any kid coming to be part of our family -

So yeah, an older child adoption kind of makes me think. I'd love to know more about how it all came together for you -

[paper-flame.livejournal.com]

Sure, I'd be glad to share what I know either in person or by phone! If you give me your e-mail address, I will send you my phone number.

Kathleen

[reannon.livejournal.com]

Consider adopting from other states, ones that have streamlined the process. I'm not all that familiar with it, but I know Illinois has a one-year period for parents to get their act together, and then parental rights are terminated.

Hon, I hope all the best for you. It's such a wonderful experience, and you'll make such a great mom.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I'm everyone's Mom - ask anyone.

I figure the best I can get out my own biology is one kid - but I could be surprised, you never know. And I don't believe in only kids as a preference. I'm almost certain we'll adopt, either way.

Hey, your experience hasn't all been wine and roses - if you're still that glowing from it, what do I have to worry about?

[reannon.livejournal.com]

Hee! You know, I bitch a hell of a lot about the sucky stuff, the fights with Archangel, money, school meetings and discipline concerns and day care and buying a goddamn bed and did I mention the money?

But I forget to say that the moment I show up at day care and he comes torking across the room shouting, "Mommy!" to barrel into my legs and nearly knock me over, the bad stuff melts away. Some people say they have to leave work at work. I never have to worry about it, because he melts it away.

Not wine and roses. Just the best thing that ever happened to me. :) *hugs* Good luck.

[elbales]

the bad stuff melts away

...oh...

reading that made me smile. thank you.

[angelx.livejournal.com]

wow! you and jimbo are planning on adopting kids? that's pretty cool!

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

He'll be better at it than me, don't you think?

[angelx.livejournal.com]

I think you 2 will make excellent parents. He's a really nice guy!

If I ever want kids, I'm planning on adopting kids too.

imho, I would rather adopt a baby and raise it than adopt an older kid, mainly because its easier that way and I feel like the kid is more mine than to get used to one.

Goodluck with that and let me know what ends up happening!

[elbales]

Luck, darlin'! I don't know you that well, but you sure seem to have your head screwed on straight, and your decency score is way high. ^_^ I wish you the best.