Certified - DONE

[kyburg]

Ye Gods.

I do not belong in these classes anymore. I scare the shit out of everyone.

How do you handle diabetic crises? How do you handle someone having a seizure? How do you recognize a heart attack? A stroke? Someone who has stopped breathing?

I resist the urge to pipe up - "How about a diabetic having seizures who has stopped breathing?"

*facepalms* I'm so bad. I'm so good at EMT humor, I make the instructors giggle while the class looks at us like we eat babies in green chilli sauce in our spare time.

*Starting practice on infant CPR with mannequins*

Jim hands me the dummy. "Oh dear, how DARE you? You're giving me a dead baby!"

Jim blinks those beautiful, huge blue eyes at me in shock innocence. "But...it's only a little stiff!"

It's worked like clockwork for two first aid classes now. After 9/11, it got more laughs. Now, the shocked stares almost set me off into snorts today.

I got 100% on my test. Jim missed one. So there.

I think I should just chuck it and get the EMT rating. I may never make a living with it, but enough already. Can you imagine me teaching? Don't answer that.

I had half a mini cinnabon this morning. Lunch, foundered on japanese hibachi chow in the food court. Dinner is up in the air. I actually left myself some yogurt at home so a decent snack was possible - *pats self on back.*

And the day, is over. Tomorrow, I face my family. wahwahwaaah.

Comments

[quantumbitch.livejournal.com]

I love morbid medical humour.

The first time I learned about Phantom Limb, I giggled like a moron at the idea of having an itch you can't scratch.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Itches would have been fine - I wish all phantom sensations were as benign. It's the pain you can't medicate away that pissed me off.

Oh, we used to tell many variations of "I'd give my right leg for blah-blah..." Cliff, you did give your right leg, remember? Oh, yeah....

[quantumbitch.livejournal.com]

That's priceless. :)

[joggingguy.livejournal.com]

I know a lot of that stuff too, unfortunately. I also have had peritoneal dialysis training due to a previous brittle diabetic girlfriend who developed renal failure :-( I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Training? I managed my late husband on peritoneal dialysis for (thinks and counts on fingers) the last two years of his life. Brittle diabetic - oh hells yes. My mother called his case the most "malignant" case of diabetes she had ever seen, and it was as true as you can imagine.

No, nothing I would wish on anyone. I rarely talk about it with people outside the health care business - it's just too sad and awful to consider.

So, you find stuff to laugh at. Anything.