WTF

[kyburg]

WTF.
WTF.

I may have to go look over at childfree more often - holy moley, over 2100 members - but the range is incredible.

Of course, once they find out I'm working to have a family, I'll be toast juice. And STOOPID. And a moo. And worse. (I'm with mactavish on this one - while you can have some intelligent conversations over there, the place is loaded with folks who just plain hate. And not much more.)

*sighs* And I just spent 33 hours in classes to prepare me to be ready to be "challenged" by the needs of any adoptive child. (That's thinly disguised code for "they may hate you and never accept you EVAH.")

On the bio front - the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor (accept no substitutes!) has failed to tell me my peak fertile periods YET, after peeing on sticks for a month and a half. But the literature says I might be taking the tests wrong. Or the machine is still "learning" me.

It does see when changes happen - just not when NOW FUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT is supposed to happen. And I had to push the appointment with Dr. Whiz-Bang ahead...again.

I spent my dreamtime last night searching for people. In places I used to live that now had other people living in them. Alone. Nobody I knew. Anywhere.

But the house in Ontario had been repainted with black walls and BSOD blue ceilings and accents. Silver stripes. White fake-fur couches.

August is over.

It'll be five years in eighteen days that Cliff passed away.

Comments

[odiedragon.livejournal.com]

I agree about childfree - Some people are nice, but a lot of them are just flat out evil.

I don't think it'd be a problem if you were a member though - some members are parents, and a lot of people have said if they ever do want a kid they'd adopt one that's already here. But again, it's a very volitile group, and it's easy to set people off sometimes. I'm a member but I don't even really read most of the posts anymore. I have it filtered off the list of journals I check at work, and I don't usually go back to catch up. I have enough angst at work, I don't need that on top of it. :)

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I'm hypersensitive to name-calling right now - and I was that kid nobody wanted and considered a waste of time.

I check in from time to time, but holy merde - they'd eat me alive on a daily basis.

[odiedragon.livejournal.com]

Fair enough :) Now go fuck your brains out ;)

[joiseyguy.livejournal.com]

and I was the kid that even the kid nobody wanted made fun of. :(

I dropped childfree because of not only the evil hatred, but the JUVENILE hatred. Whatever one's chronological age is I wish more LJ's would practice a bit more maturity in public internet postings.

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

Come over and hang out in childfree_zone instead. It's a childfree, hate-free community, and anyone who is supportive of the childfree choice is welcome, even if they are themselves parents. Yes, we sometimes talk about bad parents -- but we do NOT use terms like "moo" and "crotch-droppings". I'm childfree myself and I won't go near childfree -- it's too much like being at a KKK meeting.

[inagawayuu.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you for the link to that community! childfree has always scared me, but so far childfree_zone looks like a much happier place. My hubby and I are childfree, but we love kids and it's nice to find a place that can recognize that you can be childfree and pro-kid at the same time.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

I don't have my words together very well... but I want you to know that you're very much in my thoughts.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

And you're in mine, niblet.

I think you need some downtime. Disability might give you that, but I really, really don't want to see you give up any part of your life permanently. That has to be as important as just controlling the medications.

Keep fighting. It's worth it.

[bigbigtruck.livejournal.com]

Some of the posts in childfree are hateful, but I don't think it should be taken as an indication of the community as a whole - it really is just a place to vent. And most of the venting concerns bad parenting.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

There's a catsnotkids community - it desperately needs Bumpus pictures and a lick of good sense.

I thought of you immediately.

[muimi07.livejournal.com]

Another "me too" about childfree -- not just the LJ community, though. I've read other childfree sites/communities out of sheer curiousity and it amazes me how some -- but certainly not all -- childfree people seem to be child haters. If a person does not want to procreate, they are perfectly within their right and more power to them. But some of the things that the more, er, militant (?) of them call parents and children is just plain disgusting and hateful. One particularly memorable post called a child a "crotch dropping". WTF?? I figure if a person is well within their right to not want children, another person is also well within their right to want and have children. And geez, don't some of those jerks remember that they too were children once...

/soapbox

[bigbigtruck.livejournal.com]

As I mentioned above, it really is just a place to vent, since there isn't really any place in the real world where people can complain about children or bad parents without being glared at or yelled at :/

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Or the sniffing and the endless "some people" comments.

I think it's the name-calling and labeling that really sticks out - a lot of the terminology crosses the line from "I hate kids" to "I HATE" - sliding from kinderunfreudlich into just plain misanthropy.

I think when it comes to kids, I often have far more caustic words for those who are supposed to be caring for them - you can be mad at a kid for being a kid, just as you can really get pissed at the cat for pissing where it shouldn't - but I've always regretted not saying something when something STOOPID happened in front of me, and I let it slide...because they were "someone else's kid." So if there's a need to vent - I try to do it where it does some good. Intelligently, I hope.

Cliff was fond of saying "children are a luxury, in this day and age." Not everyone needs them, wants them or should have them.

But hate is hate, and there appears to be plenty to go around, if you were to listen to a few folks - yanno?

[lorriejharris.livejournal.com]

I'm keeping you in my thoughts, and sending good energy your way. I hope for all the best for you and hubby.

[storvik.livejournal.com]

I have also spent some time, out of curiosity, perusing childfree and alt.support.childfree. It's more than just venting or support, some (but not all) of those people are truly psycho.

[being-homeless.livejournal.com]

******sending fertility vibes******

[dandelion-diva.livejournal.com]

The Ikea people must be related to the people who were descending on the newest Ikea in the area. It was absurd...nine zillion cars, four zillion parking places...no one seemed to realize that it wasn't a limited time offer...that the bloody store would probably be there for a while. I know there were vouchers being promised this time, but there's absolutely no excusse for this sort of thing.

I agree with you & mactavish on childfree. I have some friends/family who don't want children and don't like most of them. But, since I currently have one and hope to have two at some point, I won't have anyone in my life who professes to hate all children and their parents. Ew.

So...you're peeing on the stick wrong? Sounds like something I'd do. *grin*

Gessi

[tully-monster.livejournal.com]

I'd say the vast majority of members of childfree are under 25, and the ones who are most rabid, and most idiotic, will probably undergo a violent conversion and breed in the next five years. (Two such people on my friendslist are already examples of this phenomenon. They don't do us any favors.)

You'll probably be fine there as long as you don't claim to be childfree while having a kid, or use the words "I was childfree once..." That sort of behavior sticks in my craw as well. I've given up on the group and gone to more private, invitation-only forums, partly because I'm tired of hearing snarky comments about how loony the childfree are and having them substantiated by postadolescent wannabes.

[arafel.livejournal.com]

I'll agree that there are a lot of wing nuts over at childfree and a lot of ppl whose vitriol disturbs me. I belong there because I don't want - and have never wanted - children, and it's somewhat reassuring to read that there are other people in the world who were born without that mothering circuit. It's shameful to read some of the terrible nicknames some members have for children, and I don't understand virulent hatred for children either. That having been said, I've picked up some useful birth control advice.

There's also plenty of bad parent behavior that gets reported that can be summarized as "Kids need boundaries and it's up to the parents to set them, and children are responsibilities, not trophies."

Good luck with your aims. I wish you well. ^_^

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

What is this "mothering circuit" I keep hearing about? I've been called "Mom" by more people than I can count, and I've never had a kid! I don't have anything that even comes when I call it -

Birth control advice? vaginapagina has been one of the most open "users groups" I've ever seen....

[oblomova.livejournal.com]

I have no interest in having kids, but I also don't have any interest in hanging out, in real life or online, and talking with people who aren't interested in having kids. I'd rather talk about...I dunno. Our interests. What we DO want to do in life, not what we've already written off as not our bag.

Does that make sense? I mean, I do understand that a lot of people (probably women more than men) are under pressure to procreate and to "justify" their lives if they're not procreating, but I think hanging out in a community seething about it would feel counterproductive for me.

Anyway...I think you should get busy getting...busy!

YES

[dwinghy.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with you there in the first paragraph. I really don't understand the desire some people have to dwell on things they DON'T want to do, rather than talking about the things they DO want to do. But then, I've never quite understood the concept of having "venting" communities on LJ-- isn't that what people's personal LJs are for?

[luscious-purple.livejournal.com]

I really don't have any fertility advice to give you, just good wishes!

I don't have any kids, but I consider that a fault of mine, not any kind of benefit. I know people in our age group who are great parents and who have grown as people from their parenting experiences. I'm in awe of them.

[pagawne.livejournal.com]

You stay in my prayers.

I avoid the "childfree" type groups, not because I had and raised 2 children, but because they act like
completely uncivilized hoods. I do not believe a woman should be forced to have children she doesn't want, but that should be a choice she (or she and her husband) makes.

[ms-hecubus.livejournal.com]

I can kind of understand where some of the vitriol comes from. I've been badgered by strangers who, while making small talk, find out I don't want children. There comes a point where you just want to yell, "Back off, breeder!" But that is my response to specific people in specific instances. I don't think it helps that I look like I'm in my early 20s rather than 30s. People assume that I'm still young and unsettled. I have nothing against children or parents as a whole. (And have no interest in childfree or similar communities. I've made my choice. I don't need to yap about it.)