Cornflakes down my shirt

[kyburg]

Feels like, really. If I actually had some cornflakes, I'd have lunch.

Yes, I'm still lunchless. Go me.

I've decided I can't make a LJ Tarot Card - I don't know which suit I am. *blows air* The last time I did a bona fide tarot reading it was about six months after Cliff had passed away, and was a reading for the next year.

Everything was pretty cool and reassuring, but the "friends/family/in the future" spot held the Devil, reversed.

And inside of a week or so, life got that strange, with a small subset of friends. No thanks. Not going to name names.

But, it fucked EVERYTHING up. So far, for some people, permanently. Not that everything crashed and burned, but I surely learned the limits of my tolerance for intolerance...and patience. Much patience.

So no, no tarot card. Not for a while. Clueless, I am. VERY.

*sigh* If Jim and I keep spending all the time we have together in the car driving to work, we will kill each other. We'll just snap and suddenly beat each other senseless with Game Boy Advance cartridges and empty Starbucks cups. Mean it.

If all goes well, the house will be on the market September 11th. Somehow, this works for me. Yeah.

I've also asked Jim to tell work to give him some weekend time for us to look at houses. I think he may get it. Heaven knows we'll need it. The idea that I will actually get to pick the next house I live in is both thrilling and scary as hell.

No, I didn't pick the house I'm in now. I've been very good at finding places to live, but no - never got to choose The Place before.

God, don't let me settle for less. Not this time.

And I am so, so, so tired of little whiney little boys. *Counts on fingers.* Three, this week alone. Gah, they actually think I'm going to expend the energy to give a rip. If they don't care enough to help themselves, nothing I do will matter. Ever.

Tired, I am. One hopes they will figure it out.

Comments

Re: question

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Okay, I'm back. I've had my nap.

*chuckles* I also think it's time for few disclaimers.

First, I'm not the trained, titled professionals who have taught me these things. Were that I was - but I only hold a first-aid/CPR card, even though I think I should get my EMT. While I believe I've had plenty of education, personal experience and plenty of insight - that's where it ends. The filters are mine, as are the opinions and impressions. I'm hardly perfect.

But referring people to professional help is often my last resort. When my only response to hearing some bad news/bad day information is to say "I really think you need the services of a neutral third-party with a broader scope," you're fucked. I mean it. The sad part is that there are fewer and fewer means to get that help - because it works, really works. I learned early that I don't have the objectivity to do it for a living, and I have a sister who does it for a living and I didn't want the competition either. Go me.

Up to that point, I will offer my best advice. Offer. Take it or leave it. But if you do nothing, I will call you on it. You've asked - what to do - I've offered the best my experience will offer. The rest is up to you. Particularly when it was agreed that something was called for.

Which dovetails into the first point -

Your stance has merit - but should I be annoyed? *chuckles* Well, the first time, no. Second, not a chance. Third? Well...again, the ticker is repetition. And no, not even the third or fourth. With not even one or two people. Yeah, it gets to me after hearing it more times than "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

I also think my upbringing is beginning to show here, as well. It didn't tolerate a lot of slackware or complaining. Nobody had anything, nobody had time and nobody wanted to hear about it. You want, you work. End of line. I can't say it produced a lot of warm fuzzies, but it did prepare me for the worst of the worst and I came out of it better than I went in. While there are a lot of things that don't yield to hard work, most things in life do. If you aren't willing to even try, how can I pass on what I learned? I surely spent enough energy obtaining this experience - yes, it's selfish - but shit on a brick, you don't have to stay in a stuck place. Been there, done that. Unless you like it a whole lot (and up to this point nobody has), move. Do something.

I know the power of one phone call. Ask me about it.

But it you won't do that much for yourself...AUGH.

Definitely a case of venting. Definitely a case by case thing. It's all mine.

But have I condemned anyone specfically for it? Gee, not that I know. Have I made a condition? Uh, no.

Does it sting a bit when I call you on it? Well, it should. The truth usually does. One can only hope it stings enough for you to do something to stop it. To please me? I'm a middle kid. I crave attention like I crave chocolate. I can definitely live without it, but a freebie is always welcome. And pleasing me would be totally secondary to what you would give yourself. I doubt seriously that you would even remember that it was something I wished for you. And really, I wouldn't care if you did. Remember, that is. The advice is always free, the results are always your own. If you lie to me, well, that's on you. See?

-snip- More to come...

Re: question

[randir.livejournal.com]

*chuckles* I also think it's time for few disclaimers.

First, I'm not the trained, titled professionals who have taught me these things. Were that I was - but I only hold a first-aid/CPR card, even though I think I should get my EMT. While I believe I've had plenty of education, personal experience and plenty of insight - that's where it ends. The filters are mine, as are the opinions and impressions. I'm hardly perfect.

Disclaimers noted. Here are mine. I AM a trained, titled professional in this area. But, that said, I recognize that you are a human being with life experience. And that experience is sufficient to form opinions about what does and does not consitute whininess for you. Last I checked, no one needed a degree to have an opinion. So, my purpose here is not to assess your credentials, but rather to question your opinions so that I might understand them more clearly.

Your stance has merit - but should I be annoyed? *chuckles* Well, the first time, no. Second, not a chance. Third? Well...again, the ticker is repetition. And no, not even the third or fourth. With not even one or two people. Yeah, it gets to me after hearing it more times than "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

Here, our views diverge. I see annoyance as a choice on my part. A choice requiring that I expend energy to feel negative. And I'm too lazy to do that. So, I much prefer to ask the advice seeker up-front what they actually want. The conversations usually runs as follows:
I need advice.
You do? Are you sure? Do you really want me to tell you what to do, or are you just making a list of suggestions to ponder, or do you just want a pat on the head and a warm glass of milk?
I just want a pat on the head.
Then go call someone who cares. I'm not a warm fuzzy.

This sort of interchange usually makes my boundaries very clear to others and saves me the bother of having to work myself up into a state of annoyance. I highly recommend it to you.

I also think my upbringing is beginning to show here, as well. It didn't tolerate a lot of slackware or complaining. Nobody had anything, nobody had time and nobody wanted to hear about it. You want, you work. End of line. I can't say it produced a lot of warm fuzzies, but it did prepare me for the worst of the worst and I came out of it better than I went in. While there are a lot of things that don't yield to hard work, most things in life do. If you aren't willing to even try, how can I pass on what I learned? I surely spent enough energy obtaining this experience - yes, it's selfish - but shit on a brick, you don't have to stay in a stuck place. Been there, done that. Unless you like it a whole lot (and up to this point nobody has), move. Do something.

Yes, hard work has merit. But, sometimes people get discouraged and need a moment to regroup. In those moments, a softer touch is recommended. Sure, a strong work ethic is a wonderful thing to learn in childhood and take into adulthood. But, so is a nurturing hand. There's a difference between advice and support.

Re: question

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Going to borrow some of your font coloring technique. Also, going to cut down on the word count as well. I kind of wonder if I'm doing this just for the sheer necessity for the last word. Go me.

Disclaimers noted. Here are mine. I AM a trained, titled professional in this area. But, that said, I recognize that you are a human being with life experience.

I appreciate this. In my neck of the woods, you'd better have your title handy. There's a doctorate in education, a LSWMSW and a RN in the immediate family - I'm the one who went for computers, and heck without even a masters degree. I'm the idiot. And yes, I've been told to shut up because I don't ever know what I'm talking about, many, many times. That title is the ultimate trump card. I also take heat for being quiet and having a temper. Go me.

I need advice.
You do? Are you sure? Do you really want me to tell you what to do, or are you just making a list of suggestions to ponder, or do you just want a pat on the head and a warm glass of milk?
I just want a pat on the head.
Then go call someone who cares. I'm not a warm fuzzy.

ROTFL. Are you sure I'm not there yet?

If I took a moment to regroup, the parade left without me. I think my upbringing is showing again.

Re: question

[randir.livejournal.com]

If I took a moment to regroup, the parade left without me. I think my upbringing is showing again.

Yes, your upbringing is showing again. And that's fine. But I am not in the habit of seeing one's upbringing as a good reason to hold a certain view. From my perspective looking at what you just said, it seems your upbringing did you a dis-service if it didn't show the patience sufficient to allow you moments to regroup. Yes, perseverence, determination, and endurance are all strengths. But so are kindness, consideration, and patience.

--Commentor

Re: question

[randir.livejournal.com]

Does it sting a bit when I call you on it? Well, it should. The truth usually does. One can only hope it stings enough for you to do something to stop it. To please me? I'm a middle kid. I crave attention like I crave chocolate. I can definitely live without it, but a freebie is always welcome. And pleasing me would be totally secondary to what you would give yourself. I doubt seriously that you would even remember that it was something I wished for you. And really, I wouldn't care if you did. Remember, that is. The advice is always free, the results are always your own. If you lie to me, well, that's on you. See?

I'm all in favor of the time-honored boot-to-the-head technique. I'm rather expert in it, in fact. So, I take no issue with you dispensing brutal honesty. What concerns me is how much you invest emotionally in that. It seems you care overly much about how well the boot is received. From my point of view, boots are best given, and then let go. Truth is truth. It will speak for itself. I don't have to take it personally when someone doesn't respond to it right away. That's just wasted energy on my part. So, it baffles me that you would be so bent about this phenomenon. People generally don't listen to advice, especially if it's good advice. You will run into that behavior for the rest of your life with almost everyone you deal with. And if you choose to feel frustrated each time, you're going to have ulcers soon. So, I'm a bit concerned for you. Why are you so invested in the advice you give? What stops you from letting go? Or is it just a "having a bad day and need to vent" moment?

--Commentor

Re: question

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I have something against waste. Investing emotionally? If one doesn't give a damn, why bother booting at all? It's not like I'm going to get any other benefit from it.

And it's not the lack that bothered me so much as the lack of follow through. And truly, who stands to lose the most? Not me.

I talk all day, and the fraction prefaced with "I think" is just that - more noise and hot air. But if you say "I'm going to -," and you don't....isn't that different?

In the end, I am reminded that I can't pass along what I've learned the hard way by warning people off it. Much as I say "watch out for that tree!," they seem hell bent on smacking it dead on. Good thing I can enjoy gallows humor. Some days, it just gets old. A bad day - no, it just got piled very high that day. How many times do you need to get cutoff in traffic before you begin to wonder if everyone out there is out to get you?

Re: question

[randir.livejournal.com]

You mean they aren't all out to get me? *smirks*

--Commentor

Re: question

[randir.livejournal.com]

I have something against waste. Investing emotionally? If one doesn't give a damn, why bother booting at all? It's not like I'm going to get any other benefit from it.

On a more serious note, there's a difference between investing emotionally in something, and simple caring. In the first case, the outcome matters in a very personal way. If they don't do what you want, it's taken as a personal affront and obsessed over and "whined" about. In the second case, you deliver the boot because you care, but you don't attach conditions on how they take that boot.

As for benefit, I do not personally operate for the sake of benefit or rewards, so I don't quite understand that question.

--Commentor