Cornflakes down my shirt
Sep. 4th, 2002 03:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyburgFeels like, really. If I actually had some cornflakes, I'd have lunch.
Yes, I'm still lunchless. Go me.
I've decided I can't make a LJ Tarot Card - I don't know which suit I am. *blows air* The last time I did a bona fide tarot reading it was about six months after Cliff had passed away, and was a reading for the next year.
Everything was pretty cool and reassuring, but the "friends/family/in the future" spot held the Devil, reversed.
And inside of a week or so, life got that strange, with a small subset of friends. No thanks. Not going to name names.
But, it fucked EVERYTHING up. So far, for some people, permanently. Not that everything crashed and burned, but I surely learned the limits of my tolerance for intolerance...and patience. Much patience.
So no, no tarot card. Not for a while. Clueless, I am. VERY.
*sigh* If Jim and I keep spending all the time we have together in the car driving to work, we will kill each other. We'll just snap and suddenly beat each other senseless with Game Boy Advance cartridges and empty Starbucks cups. Mean it.
If all goes well, the house will be on the market September 11th. Somehow, this works for me. Yeah.
I've also asked Jim to tell work to give him some weekend time for us to look at houses. I think he may get it. Heaven knows we'll need it. The idea that I will actually get to pick the next house I live in is both thrilling and scary as hell.
No, I didn't pick the house I'm in now. I've been very good at finding places to live, but no - never got to choose The Place before.
God, don't let me settle for less. Not this time.
And I am so, so, so tired of little whiney little boys. *Counts on fingers.* Three, this week alone. Gah, they actually think I'm going to expend the energy to give a rip. If they don't care enough to help themselves, nothing I do will matter. Ever.
Tired, I am. One hopes they will figure it out.
Yes, I'm still lunchless. Go me.
I've decided I can't make a LJ Tarot Card - I don't know which suit I am. *blows air* The last time I did a bona fide tarot reading it was about six months after Cliff had passed away, and was a reading for the next year.
Everything was pretty cool and reassuring, but the "friends/family/in the future" spot held the Devil, reversed.
And inside of a week or so, life got that strange, with a small subset of friends. No thanks. Not going to name names.
But, it fucked EVERYTHING up. So far, for some people, permanently. Not that everything crashed and burned, but I surely learned the limits of my tolerance for intolerance...and patience. Much patience.
So no, no tarot card. Not for a while. Clueless, I am. VERY.
*sigh* If Jim and I keep spending all the time we have together in the car driving to work, we will kill each other. We'll just snap and suddenly beat each other senseless with Game Boy Advance cartridges and empty Starbucks cups. Mean it.
If all goes well, the house will be on the market September 11th. Somehow, this works for me. Yeah.
I've also asked Jim to tell work to give him some weekend time for us to look at houses. I think he may get it. Heaven knows we'll need it. The idea that I will actually get to pick the next house I live in is both thrilling and scary as hell.
No, I didn't pick the house I'm in now. I've been very good at finding places to live, but no - never got to choose The Place before.
God, don't let me settle for less. Not this time.
And I am so, so, so tired of little whiney little boys. *Counts on fingers.* Three, this week alone. Gah, they actually think I'm going to expend the energy to give a rip. If they don't care enough to help themselves, nothing I do will matter. Ever.
Tired, I am. One hopes they will figure it out.
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Third time
Date: 2002-09-07 10:40 pm (UTC)The oldest, kicked butt in school and put himself through school on scholarships and grants. He's one of the top men in his field today, very successful. But no help from home...and I mean it. NO help. Not even modeling. His parents were two of the biggest examples of trailer trash I've ever met. Meant well, but....
The second one, killed himself before he was forty when his second wife turned up embezzling money from the family business for drugs and was doing everyone else in town for more cash. He was the typical "nice guy" who worked hard, but couldn't face anyone to tell them he'd made a mistake in who he'd married, again and was in up and over his head.
Fourth kid has moved out of state and drives trucks and gets arrested for using. That's about it.
The third one is who's been on the radar. I've known him for over twenty years.
He's lived with his mother all his life and he's older than me. He married, fathered some kids and lost them when he went after their mother with a butcher knife during a fight. He hasn't held a steady job in all time I've known him. He sat around the house, using and eating and drinking and growing fat, to say the least. And then diabetic.
And the complications have set in, and his mother is frantic because now he needs inpatient care and there is nothing for him to use to pay for it. She can't handle him at home anymore, but since he hasn't done a thing to help himself all this time, there is nothing...really...to do now but watch him take the consequences. We can also go into dumb mothers who remain clueless about their sons, but that's another day. It's this boy I'm talking about.
There was no reason he should have become diabetic - yes, the family has it, but only when you get above 450 lbs. Take reasonable care of yourself, and no worries. Disability? He never paid into the system. Social Security is doing everything...and you can imagine how little that is. The county is doing most of the work.
Has he done a thing? He calls and screams at his mother to fix it.
I don't havta. Make me.
*blows air*
See it in twenty-somethings? A definition of self, without having to be accountable. There is merit in that. But surely, surely that has to come to an end rather quickly when the behavior results in something unsupportable, like a life.
Yes, I did not do the dishes as much as I did at home when I first lived on my own. They got green and disgusting and I do them as I was taught at home now that I've discovered that.
Is it a lack of structure, rather than too much? Or emphasis on the wrong things?
It's not mine to know. I only know what presses my buttons. Stupidity, willfull stupidity is one of the big ones.
Do I do what I'm told? Respect for reasonable authority rears its ugly head. If I do not wish to do a thing, I have to present a reasonable argument why not. Otherwise, it behooves me to. There are consquences if I do not, neh?
And I am the stubbornest person I know. Just not as passive-agressive as most. I think. ^^
Re: Third time
Date: 2002-09-10 02:23 pm (UTC)Has he done a thing? He calls and screams at his mother to fix it.
There is a simple solution to this. Kick him to the curb and let him die. He'll stop screaming for mom to fix it, if she stops trying to fix it. What's wrong with just standing aside and letting him take the consequences of his choices? Why does it bother you to do so?
It's not mine to know. I only know what presses my buttons. Stupidity, willfull stupidity is one of the big ones.
With all due respect, I believe it is you and you only who press your buttons. Einstein said that he believed there were only two infinite things... the universe and human stupidity. And he wasn't so sure about the universe. So, it stands to reason that you are going to encounter willfull stupidity for the rest of your natural life. Again, my concern about ulcers in your future is rearing its head. My buttons get pressed only because I hang them out to be pressed. And since I don't really like feeling that frustrated all the time, I stopped hanging those buttons out there. Haven't finished that project, but I'm getting close. I understand you feel compassion and want to rescue sometimes, but it seems you are doing so at the expense of your own peace of mind. I'm not sure that cost is worth it.
--Commentor
Re: Third time
Date: 2002-09-10 03:57 pm (UTC)Ah, if it were that simple. You can't do that to family. There's always someone who wants to play martyr - and in this case, it's his mother. And I feel sorry for those who have to deal with her, don't you?
Oh, I know I allow this. It is my choice to have this opinion. However, I'm also of the mind to set some boundaries on what I will and won't consider acceptable. And willfull stupidity is up with with dishonesty and some other sins of vanity we don't need to go into yet.
Somebody will have to clean up the mess, after all. I hate messes. ^^
Re: Third time
Date: 2002-09-10 04:09 pm (UTC)Actually, it is that simple. And you can do that to family.
There's always someone who wants to play martyr - and in this case, it's his mother. And I feel sorry for those who have to deal with her, don't you?
No, I don't particularly feel sorry for them. I personally choose not to deal with martyrs. And they could make a similar choice if it really bothered them that much to deal with her. As I said before, it really IS that simple. We just don't like doing things the simple way.
--Commentor